Player Comments on Power Psyker War

Rule 1 of CYS : do not publish unfinished games.

The story sounds decent, but I felt like the information should have partially divided between links and context, instead of bombarding the reader with the former. Also, the grammar is a "must-fix," with a lack of punctuation where needed, and a frequent misuse of words (e.g. You used 'your' instead of 'you're'). Overall, the rating would have to be a 3/8, though fixing it of course will potentially raise my rating.

The writing was good (aside from the numerous grammatical mistakes), but the story is really confusing. You need to flesh it out more. Instead of letting the reader 'read your mind,' give them more information about the concepts in your world. Sometimes, 'more' is better.

OK, so some feedback on the unfinished version, grammer is poor, you need to include way more commas in those sentences, they would go on forever without a comma or full stop! Second, more background information, why are power psykers getting trained? What is this war? What is the opponent? What's this thing about becoming 14? Why do carers of psykers think that they will be able to care for psykers better if they kill the parents? If they kill the parents after a single birth, how does psyker population grow? If psykers have so many powers and are fighting a war, why don't humans notice? What is this 'brain wash' that humans have to make them think psykers are real, it says somewhere else that humans don't know about psykers!

You definitely have many bits of conflicting information in the story so far, structure, spelling and grammar could also improve dramatically. Your writing style is good and you seem like a nice writer, but, like I said, before releasing the full version please consider my points.