Player Comments on Rylee Greening: Champion of Fitness

Your writing skills are actually pretty good! The pictures were a plus, but the storygame was too short and had only one type of ending.

I don't find the story "boring" exactly, though I didn't find it very... enticing to read. I think that what you have so far is a very good mini-plot for an exposition of a storygame, so if you add more to this to make it a complete story, I think it can actually be really good because your writing skills are great.

What I did like was the realism with the woman stuck in the tree, and how she would like a piggyback ride. Nice touch there.

Despite how short it is, you incorporated a major part of the protagonist's background into the story. From that, I know that she doesn't like letting people down, is disciplined, and is hardworking. I also know that her father probably taught her that, so I can assume what the father is like.

Very nice, though too short.

If this was only aimed at a handful of specific people, it would have made more sense to leave it unpublished and just share the link with them.

This wasn't bad at all though, and so if you ever attempted a regular CYOA I'd look forward to reading it.

Boring.

I have super speed and can fly.

I got into a car chase trying to get arrested, I ran a red light trying to cause a car crash, and I tried going too fast for a turn for my car to wreck.

NONE OF THESE THINGS HAPPENED.
It felt way too easy in my opinion.

Seems fun but yeah, definitely an in-joke :) Good writing and pictures though

I was getting into it, then, uh, was the whole story about getting to one person? Wow, uh, okay. Better than a lot of the last stories though, so, good job?

There needs to be a good plot. I didn't quite understand the idea, either. Keep working on it and feel free to pm me anytime!