Player Comments on The Basement

Your writing style is pretty straightforward, so it conveys the story in a very direct way, which I like. However, you should probably refrain from using too many SFX to leave something to the reader's imagination of the story.

Not too terrible for a dyslexic, but I'm a little confused by your writing style. Are you aiming to make it like a script with dialogue running like this :

V : Lorem ipsum...

B : Lorem ipsum...

[Insert action, motion, sounds, etc.]

or something more along the lines of prose, as in line with this :

V did this and that, and as he had done so, a muffled boom echoed in the background, accompanied by a slight shudder. Cobwebs and fiberglass fell from the broken ceiling...

When you do (inserts), it really does take away from the atmosphere of the story, and while you do have an interesting premise, I'd see a longer version of this, not to mention someone who can clean up your writing for you.

It was ok, but I'd like to know what happened after, like did the people who caused the war I'm assuming the japs take over the US or wherever was bommed?

I really like your writing, you didn't do too bad even though you be Dyslexic. On your next story game, you should try making it a little longer. When I was starting to get into the story game, it ended. I would really like to see this idea expanded upon. Otherwise I think your writing was good, I didn't see many errors.