Player Comments on The Boy Who Would Be Duke - The Journey to Agincourt

For a first time try at publishing online, it was a pretty good read. I'd rate it a solid 7/8, yet for the sake of standard which was set for this contest, the rating was lowered to a 6/8 (kind of subjective again on my part).

(Now as for my review on the storygame itself, I'll have to state in advance, that this is my first attempt ever writing one so bare with me.)

As can be gleamed by the title, the story recounts the last chapter in Jean II's life as the duke's heir, serving as a prelude to his ascension as the next duke of Alençon. It's set right around the time when the battle preparations for Agincourt are about to start.

It starts off with a BEAUTIFUL scene of father and son, Jean the Elder and Jean the Younger, playing make-believe. I'm not eloquent enough to describe this, but the RAW feeling of adventure, excitement, childlike wonder and more, seemed to seep through the words itself, forcing the reader to drown in the sea of Jean's imagination. It captures the fascination with knight stories and imagination of a 6-year old amazingly. If this scene showed the energetically playful side of Jean the kid, further scenes in the story, show how the high expectations placed on him as the heir, are slowly influencing his personality. It's interesting seeing the character development Jean gets, if the reader decides to go with the route of sneakily going to battle. From a naive noble brat whose only knowledge of the world is the big mansion and books he's read, to a noble heir who learns firsthand of how terrible the war is and of the difficulties the knights he so admires, go through.

I liked the usage of indirect exposition here, instead of a lore dump, or leaving the reader in the dark, regarding the historical characters used for the story (although the description itself gives enough clues).

A simple read through Jean II's biography, tells us of the kind of debauched life he had (adultery and countless illegitimate children, so it'll be interesting to read the historically accurate route (as accurate as it can be considering Jean's age) of how someone who was taught Christian theology and influenced heavily by it, stoops to committing the sin of adultery multiple times.

This was more of an introduction chapter/prologue than a full story, but overall it was a good introduction to the writer's writing style. Can't wait until Joan D'Arc appears later.

This is a great story. My favorite part was the beginning when it was revealed that the battle with the Giant was just make-believe. The writing was very realistic for a six-year old.

This is the first choose your adventure story I have ever read, and it is a great story to start with. Straight forward and intellectually stimulating. I highly recommend it.

As a historical story, this is great at giving a flavour of the life & times of a French page boy and the defeat of the flower of French chivalry. I've read of Agincourt from the English side often enough; interesting to see the other side.
I suspect some readers will want more choices and branches along the way, but I'm fine with this. Thanks to the author for the research that went into this.

Overall it was well good. I would review some of the articles written on the site, especially the one on dialogue. I did enjoy the various historical references and such - I'm no French history major but I didn't feel like I needed to be to enjoy the read.

Another thing I would note is that all actions may affect the story development. Example: I chose to listen in on Papa's secret meeting with Antoine. Later on, I met with Antoine and he was suprised to find out that war was coming but he was there with me when I found about it. Continuity is just something to keep in mind when working on storygames.

Good. The voice of your writing is rich, warm, and travels with the rise and fall of events appropriately. Your work invites the reader to grow attached and invested in the characters, to fall in love with them. Celebrate their victories and grieve their losses. One note- it starts off strongly showing the biblical influence on Jean's actions. This isn't seen as much the further the story progresses. Does Jean's conviction change? I'd be interested in knowing more.

Wonderful! Such a charming beginning. I eagerly await to see how the main character will live to honor his father's legacy.
- I appreciate how easily I could visualize the battle. Reminds me of The Horse And His Boy.
- I also very much enjoy how the main character tries to view things through a biblical lense. Raving that you put the real Latin in there - I'll admit that I looked it up before seeing that you provided the translation.
- That little knight in Papa's foot! You put the Lego trap in your story! Brazen anachronism!! I laughed out loud.

I have feedback for you!
- There are a few moments when more modern colloquialisms pepper the dialogue. May be worth scanning through with a friend or mentor.
- Is the main character truly only 6 1/2? He seems to have a much broader world scope than a child that age would ... Even a moderately intelligent 6 year old in the high station of nobility will be perhaps more myopic. Could he maybe be 8 1/2? I wouldn't say older than 10.

Thank you for letting me read your work! I hope to see more!

Well written, emotionally evocative, and rich with historical references and possibilities.

I had to slow down and reread for some names and locations, since I'm not too acquainted with the history between Medieval England and France, but it's not too big of an issue.

A few dead links, but I hit nothing catastrophic. Good work!

This was short but fun! Wish we had more historical stuff like this around here.

This was a brief but a pretty good story, there were some misspells here and there, but that did not hinder the quality of the story at all. On the other hand though, there were some dialogues that were a bit hard to understand on who was talking or what was going on. It was usually when multiple people were talking like during the escape with the two boys, but yeah.

I enjoyed it, even though I usually think medieval age stories are boring, the simplicity in this one was refreshing. Not to mention the fact you included how threatening English longbows were, THAT was amusing. I look forward to seeing more of Little Jean's future as he now faces the English with a dead dad, a few potential allies, and the good ol bible verses

I liked it!