Player Comments on The Short Adventure

terrible

Terrible, this author got lazy and tried to just publish a story to get some points. If you further explained this terrible plot, then maybe I would have rated it a 3/8 but, it was just garbage. I am surprised it has not been taken down.

Learn to a) spell and b) use punctuation and watch as your story gets at lest two points better, after that learn how to write a intro and define the narrator.

Just absolutely dreadful in every way. Bad spelling, no plot, generic character names, bad grammar, awkward narration, bland characters. You name it! It would help greatly to get this beta read. Because just the way you introduce the characters, what their doing, and the time and setting, is very awkward and just doesn't feel right.

Unpublished this so you can work on it. Then publish it when you've gotten someone to beta read. 1/8

Poor story. Really shouldn't have bothered. Far too short. Proceed or die every question. No plot. Poor spelling. If you are going to write a story, plan properly, develop characters, have a good plot and most importantly - SPELL THE MAIN CHARACTERS NAME CORRECTLY ON THE FIRST PAGE

Keith is quite a fragile lad, isn't he?

On a serious note, the game concept is nice, but needs significantly better description and storytelling.

I understand it was your first one, but tips for next time, i liked the idea but the set up was bad. The way you did dialogue was difficult to read and you had a lot of characters that were a bit hard to remember. Check grammar and spelling, and i hope your next one is even better. :)

The story doesn't make any sense, no offense

WTF it either you die or get answers, but it doesn't matter because you get tortured to death. The story doesn't make sense, but some of the grammar was there.

Dafuq? I couldn't understand most of the story due to many grammar errors, get a proof reader before publishing.

You need to add quotation marks,and not to berude interesting points...

KEEP WRITING!

No offense, but this is just terrible.

I think you did a good job on this story and I look forward to you next one :)

I assume your young so first well done for spending a decent amount of time writing a story of reasonable length. Now for the negatives:
1) It sounds like you're writing off a checklist. If you read other books or story games you will see the authors don't tell you that they're introducing you to the characters or to the setting.
2) Capitalise at the start of new sentences.
3) Check for spelling errors
4) Don't write like this,
Mark: Let's go.
Tom: Ok.
Script writers write like that novelists write like
"Let's go" said Mark.
"Ok" Tom replied.
5) Check for spelling errors.
It's good that you enjoy writing but these are the sort of rules that everyone has to use otherwise their writing is difficult to read and follow.