Player Comments on Appearance vs. Reality
First path was with Gil and the other person. The story started off great in the beginning with the introduction of the friends that you get to choose from. I knew Henry would obviously be the better choice since "besties 4 ever" is generally the better route. However party routes always intrigue me so I went down that path with the party and the undescriptive hookup that could have had a bit more added to it without mature content being needed.
The endings to the paths that I had received seemed a bit rushed but they were all the "bad" ones with him losing everyone so the good ones were probably more descriptive. Even so, you could have added some more deppresing aspects for more emotion since losing everything is pretty awful.
Still, this was a pretty good first story that had good plot structure but could have had a lot more description added. Hope to see more stories from you.
on 3/3/2017 11:21:29 AM with a score of 0
It was pretty cool you can make your own out of the choices to plot twist your story which I never heard of before!
— Nick Ortega on 8/29/2022 3:48:31 PM with a score of 1
You said hom instead of home btw. :)
— Miss Fire on 9/5/2020 4:54:12 PM with a score of 1
I liked it
— Hi on 2/17/2020 2:43:07 PM with a score of 1
— kgj on 9/11/2019 10:16:20 PM with a score of 0
excellent storyline! I loved it!
— autumn on 8/2/2019 6:47:17 PM with a score of 0
I liked how the book was nice and calm, nothing scary. But I wished it could be more involved with the Hamlet play assignment.
— Yes546 on 4/20/2018 7:24:56 PM with a score of 0
This game's good, you have efforts. Keep up the good work!
on 3/20/2018 7:05:44 AM with a score of 1
on 2/14/2018 11:45:57 AM with a score of 0
Omg keep Making stories wish this Was longer !!!??
— Quetzali on 12/22/2017 10:24:16 AM with a score of 1
"You got a B on your play, and you were rather satisfied."
I think the best part is eating pancakes made by Henry! ;)
on 9/22/2017 1:27:39 AM with a score of 0
Very cool perception of a parent's death. There were a few typos such as, "...you at hom, in tears." I presume it was meant to be 'home'. I felt wrapped into the story but I felt some of it got a little random and lengthy for no reason. I find that in general your base level of detail was good but it could have been made more interesting and not as brought out.
on 3/16/2017 10:54:30 AM with a score of 0
The story is really well written. I can't help but feel like I'm missing parts of the bigger picture. I like how you could slowly manage to alienate everyone around you as a result of your choices. There is one character in particular I wish there had been more ways to save, especially considering the option to do so only appears in one particular story path. While the work seemed to pick up on the concept of apparent betrayal, it seemed to be lacking in the actual betrayal department. Actual betrayal, is also plentiful in Hamlet. I wonder if specific characters close to the protagonist could have been leveraged in that way. Either way, good job and keep up the good work.
on 3/15/2017 7:51:25 PM with a score of 0
Now THIS is a story type I like! Much narration and description in many things. The amount of choices could have been greater, but hey, it didn't detract much from the experience.
One thing lacking, however, was that your story (in my opinion) doesn't really DRAW readers to it. In short, it wasn't immersive enough.
You ought to change that in your next stories, because many readers like to be engaged by the stories they read.
In the end, it's a good first story, and I see bigger things in store for you. Not the best, but certainly never the worst. 5/8.
on 3/4/2017 5:31:42 AM with a score of 1
well it was really good there really is nothing ells to say
— gun on 3/3/2017 11:54:26 AM with a score of 1