Player Comments on Escaping Detention

Guys
1: This is supposed to be short.
2: This is my first story and the reason it's so inconsistent in its story is because many different people wrote it!
3: What's wrong with referencing other endings?

For anyone saying that it was rushed that's because it was. it was a school project so makes sense if there was a time limit, right?

It could have been better without the weird choices made with dialogue. But this is a story that shows some level of creativity. But there is some tortured syntax at play here.

I liked the premise. I even liked the first page. Then it all went downhill once it became clear you wrote all of this while being bored...probably in more than one sitting...even considering its short length.

Reminds me of when I first started writing...its normal to feel that way. Doesn't change the fact you clearly put less effort into the endings than your beginning.

Inconsistent prose is one thing, but then when you blatantly started referencing other endings without a care in the world it took me out of it...though I weirdly started having fun again once I started to get more of the endings on a meta level trying to figure out what order you wrote this in...then I got the last ending and it all just abruptly ended.

Case in point. This story is bad. I get the logic under which you wrote it...but I don't understand why you bothered to publish it if by your own admission (having a page where you just ask the reader to pick a choice is really telling) you think its bad. This story could work...goofy premise and all...it just needs a bit more polish and then its fine! But as it stands its clear you just bookended the endings as quickly as possible at some point and called it a day.

Only reason I rated it 5 is cause I don't wanna see this get deleted. Its an interesting case study of what bored writing looks like. I've read worse...but I've also read much much better!

Not gonna bother critiquing the technical stuff cause you already know what you messed up on it seems. Just actually finish your story next time and you'll get more respect I promise! Good luck! ;)

i loved this