Player Comments on Metamorphosis
I'm rather glad you used a third person narration, and I liked the way you used it to describe all the different aspects of your world. As other commenters have said, I wish the characters weren't so flat, though I don't see where you could've added much without hurting the story.
Specifically, you do have noticable stretches of pages (~3) without any choices which is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. However, it was much better than your very long stretches on Broken Chains. I also found the purple spikes to, unfortunately, to be both comical and illogical. Why would the purple spikes from there, and what material did the mutation use to make it? It's a sci-fi horror, so I'm not supposed to be analysing it as I am, yet I did.
Anyway, I did enjoy the setting the most. The ship was fascinating, the Martian society to earth society relationship reminded me of modern first to third world relationships, and the corporation was a good ol' bastard as they so entertaingly can be. Maybe you could infuriate both Mizal and Rom by beating them with writing like this. :)
on 7/2/2017 3:32:09 PM with a score of 0
The writing here is done well, in the way that it effectively gives the reader an idea of who the characters are (namely, their personality and 'history') with discerning word choices. This is mostly done through the description of their physical appearance, although there are more subtle and 'fun' methods used to convey said personality (eg. the weak handshake of the businessman). Naturally, I wanted to find out more about these characters.
That leads on to my main criticism of the story, which is: it doesn't really do the side characters justice. Besides Olivia, there is little attention given to the other minor characters. Sure, characters can be used merely as plot devices (such as the Japanese businessmen), but characters such as the Captain and Olivia aren't given enough time to engage the reader. One is nearly inconsequential to the story and the other is an annoying plot device that could become a sympathetic (something something home planet is poor) and nuanced character (again, can be done with more 'time').
Basically, I want more of this.
*Also, dead End Game link after the evacuation thing.
on 7/2/2017 9:54:01 AM with a score of 0
I wasn't sure about the POV at first (third person present tense) but it grew on me quickly and I actually quite liked the sense third person gives of being an observer watching the incident unfold from a different angle on each path.
People are probably going to complain about the length or that the backstory of the what they found wasn't gone into enough, but like the POV, I feel it all works here. A story should always be as long as it needs to be, and this one was concerned with a single catastrophic event with hints of something dark going on behind the scenes to 'contain' it.
As I said before the writing is really well done and allowed for a very clear picture of the environment and action. You are so much better than that worthless hack Steve.
The evacuation scene is much improved...buuuut, looks like you broke the End Game link while fixing it. Might wanna go add that back in real quick.
on 7/2/2017 9:31:48 AM with a score of 0
Pretty good, wish it was longer, unless I missed something.
on 8/13/2017 1:16:11 AM with a score of 0
This was a very enjoyable sci-fi game, and the writing was excellent as well. The only thing I wish there were more of, was obviously more story, but also more of the main story components- the horror. It seemed to me once the story starting kicking into gear and the horror aspects were revealing themselves, the story was already over.
Overall, a great storygame, just wish there were more of it. 7/8
on 7/20/2017 2:42:28 PM with a score of 0