Player Comments on Rivals

'The only fault is that he did the same thing for your stepsister, who is a bully and thinks she is way better than you.'

Truly, even a deeper and more compelling reason for becoming evil than Anakin had.

The writing didn't strike me as like, irredeemably lazy and terrible or anything, and you do have a good grasp on grammar and the technical aspects, so you're a step ahead of many new members here who want to join and immediately push out a story. But it's so, so short, there's just not much rate.

The whole thing, all choices included, weighs in at well under 1000 words. The story itself, while not bad, feels amateurish--and yes, I get that you're probably young, but even the most minor issues are going to be magnified at a 1/8 length. If you're not going to put your focus on making a decently lengthy or satisfying story, then as I'm a reader I'd expect what you did have to be polished till it shines and reads like smooth buttery poetry. There have to be signs of serious effort put in /somewhere./

It ended in like two choices..? Um, well okay then! ^^

1/8