Player Comments on Sorry

surprised you got that title

I'm not sure where to begin with this.
Its a _much_ better storygame than your first, but still rather short.
I like that you actually listened to the criticism on your first story and:
1) Put more effort
2) Put in a real plot
3) Didn't put self-praise on your own story
4) Put in details.

I'm a little rushed at the moment, and love and dating(which, by the way, is which category this story belongs in.)storygames are really not my forte, so I'll just list some things I noticed when I read this.

1) First, let's go through your grammar mistakes, spelling mistakes, etc.
-"I'm Sorry" Sorry didn't need to be capitalized.
-The comma placement in this sentence seems...off. "Something mean, he had hit me on accident."
No...rereading this...not the comma. Just the sentence itself. I would recommend you reworded that.
-"I decide to open the door anyways,"
Just stop it there. Otherwise its a run on sentence. Also, the correct tense would be "decided".
-"What Nick?" Change this to "What, Nick?"
-"I'm sorry okay?" I'm starting to see a pattern here.
Read what you wrote. Read it aloud. Doesn't it sound like it should be "I'm sorry, okay?"
-"He slowly kissed me, it was a deep respectful kiss."
A run on sentence and a comma misplace.
"He slowly kissed me. It was a deep, respectful kiss."
-"Exept for you sweetheart, your coming with me."
Ah. This sentence. Misspelled "Except", misplaced a comma, and:
It isn't "your", which is to show possession, but "you're" which is the contraction of you are. and well...I'll just correct this sentence. This is supposed to be correcting grammar and spelling mistakes...I'll ask the about the logic of this below...
"Except for you, sweetheart, you're coming with me."
-"grabbed the man's arm that was weilding the knife."
Huh. I even did this automatically when I wrote down the notes for this review...but "weilding" is obviously misspelled and it should be "wielding".

2) Okay, on to everything else.
-First off, the "author note" page seemed like a lazy way to end for me.
Actually, most of the endings that weren't the "true" ending(the one where you both go to the hospital) were rather lazy. They were usually around one or two sentences, and were not descriptive...which means your story was rather linear. Another thing I noticed was how all the "branches" in the story would always lead back to the main path. Try to be more descriptive in your endings, and have more branching that didn't lead back to the main path. :)
-Was going to ask this above, but upon further reflection I should ask it here, but...
Why did the man want to kidnap you? To me, this felt like a good place to branch your story, and give it more endings and stuff.
Either way, this didn't make much sense. These kind of things only happen in movies. Normally, no one would walk into another person's home and try and kidnap the said person unless they were very obsessed with that person. Homeless people and other more...low profile people are easier to kidnap, and are less likely to be noticed and reported missing...especially given how there was a witness for April's kidnapping c:

Anyways, I'll stop this now xD

I was so confused by this.

So, we've got a story that starts out with the aftermath of the protagonist being hit by her boyfriend. Except...it was an accident? Apparently it was an accident, but the way the incident is described is really, really awkwardly worded and unclear.

'I had a bruise on the side of my face from him. He was fighting with someone that had said something to me. Something mean, he had hit me on accident. I know it seems stupid now, but I haven't talked to him.'

How did that whole section survive a proofread? (Of course I know the answer is 'It didn't, because there wasn't one.')

But okay, moving on... Protagonist doesn't want to talk to the boyfriend and goes upstairs. He responds by...again, the story leaves it very unclear, but it sounds like he breaks the front door down and then comes upstairs. Tension!

Except...oh wait, she immediately forgives him for hitting her, and doesn't seem to care about him forcing his way inside against her wishes at all. (Kinky! But I guess some people are just into that kind of thing.)

Keeping it in that vein, choosing the sexy 'why don't you make it up to me....' option leads to a man with a knife immediately bursting in. Apparently, he had followed right on the boyfriend's heels inside through the broken doors, then up the stairs and into the room where they both were, to demand she come away with him. Such brazen outlawry! Who is this guy? Where did he come from? I guess we'll never know.

Thankfully, the easiest way to deal with him is just to go back a few seconds in time and NOT choose the 'make it up to me option', leading to the attacker I guess abruptly changing his mind and slinking back down the stairs and leaving without confronting anyone. Because as the note from the author you get immediately after says, if you picked that option, the story's over.