Player Comments on Star Wars: A Padawan's Journey Part 2: Hunted

Great game, well spent time

This was painfully average, but I do respect all the work that went into it.

I'm pretty sure there's only one path you can choose, so it's kind of trial and error rather than a choose your own adventure.

Great job.

This one was even better! But I must say, there were many decisions where there was only one option. Keep up the good work!

i loved this game it got so intense at the end,but to be continued really you can't do thst to me!

Really good just need to fix spelling errors.

I think the story was masterfully written because of the way the story can immediately change makes it interesting good job keep going bro

Alright, so, this is pretty bad. I voted it a 2 out of 8.
The grammar and spelling is pretty horrible. Numerous spelling mistakes plagued this story, and it really damaged it.
Also, the whole plot itself is rather boring. All the characters are highly incompetent and foolish, especially Shin.
So, I will continue reading the series, but overall, I'm not very impressed. At all.

it's funny because i keep getting the stop playing around this is serious hint LOL!!!

good but not your best

Not enufe(sorry bad engrish)choises

It's very good and complex Nice.

Much better then the first in terms of length, story is good too. But being a little nit picky (Sorry, I have to) The Jedi in this story seem to suffer from dark tendencies and Robots are Driods, Driods is what you should use to discribe them.

Like I said, I cant help being nit picky about Star wars, after all, Im Sith ;)

Needs a proofread and would be better if you didn't show who was speaking by writing their name and a colon, but other than that a very solid game. ^_^

Can't wait to see more.

So many grammatical and descriptive errors.

awesome. nuff said

I LIKE IT!

I LIKE IT!

Very good! Much better than the first!

(Now that there is no limit on the number of characters in a comment, I've copy-pasted all the ones I left into this comment).

There were a lot of spelling and grammatical errors with this story. A simple edit of your story would fix most of these and improve it immensely. There are some instances where you don't capitalise names (eg. shin, sith) and there are words that are entirely wrong (eg. "you are not allowed to enter the council room unless you are either *invented* or...", using "to" instead of "too").

Occasionally, it looks like you are unable to decide between having speech in a script format or in a regular format. For example: "Shin: 'Stay with me!!' He yells as the sith cruisers are almost upon you." You should pick one and stick with it.

Some of your sentences could be edited to flow better. An easy way of finding weird-sounding sentences is to read them out loud. Something like "Suddenly your master is cut off midsentence as the ship is suddenly hit." uses the word "suddenly" twice when it only really needs to be used once. Instead, you could have written: "Suddenly the ship rocks back and forth violently, cutting Shin off mid-sentence and throwing both of you to the floor." I personally would have left out the "cutting Shin off mid-sentence and" part of the sentence as it's implied and the reader can assume it themselves, but that's just personal preference.

Some sentences are just unnecessary, such as the second sentence in this example: "Shin gets to his feet and looks at the control pad. He only needs to look at the screen once know what is happening." First, that second sentence should have had a "to" between "once" and "know". Reading your writing aloud will help you pick up on small errors like these. Second, that sentence isn't necessary. Unless Shin has a habit of always having to look at a screen twice to know anything, then it doesn't make sense for you to include that he knew what was happening without having to look twice. You could have instead written "Shin looks at the warning and already knows that the hostile cruisers are being piloted by Sith."

There's a problem with having a super robot as a villain too. If such a robot is able to be mass-produced (which, at this point, seems likely), and each robot can handle multiple Jedi at once, the Sith could create heaps of these robots and overthrow the Jedi this way. You'd have to introduce some way of limiting how many of these robots can exist, or give them an exploitable weakness in order to prevent these robots becoming a surefire way for the Sith to kill the Jedi.

Also, if the robots have super speed (as shown when the first Padawan is attacked in the final battle), they should have reached Shin and the politician before they managed to climb on board the ship. That's just a minor plot hole.

Overall, it was a nice read. However, this and the first story seem to be filled with constant action and not much else. I liked the introduction of Shin's rival and the hint of character development, but Jedi are meant to be free of emotion, which makes the other dude's jealousy a little unrealistic. Anyway, despite its increased length I found the first one more enjoyable. This wasn't bad, though. Sorry for all the negativity - definitely don't let it discourage you, hopefully you can gain something from it.

Better than the first!

Better than the first, however,the Jedi in this story feel very un-Jedi like. You see, Jedi believe that emotions, all motions, lead to the dark side, so a master like Shin shouldn't be performing so many blatant emotional displays. He would never have made it to the rank of master while using fear to gain information from a bandit, and he most definitely wouldn't shout at him.

Much better than part one. A nice variety of options to pursue but then eventually coming back to an engaging final encouter.

Good work. This story was much longer and that was good. This one remineded me of Attack of the Clones. I would still like to see items. And more choices would be cool.

Much better than the last part 7/8

That was awesome and you have good descriptive writting

I liked it 6/8

Good:
Lots of effort
Bad:
Hints
Linearity
Grammar
P.S I'm not much of a star wars fan

You really had to end the story with escaping the robots. Shame... it would have been amazing to continue. 8/8 Really good. I can't wait to read the next one.