Player Comments on Team 7: The Estranger's Interactive Story

Not a fan of that description: "-Plz gib go0d m@rk$-"

On this site, we tend to poke fun at and joke about almost everything except the art of writing and story craft. Here, if you publish a story game, especially when it's meant to be serious, we take it seriously. There is room for humorous and funny story games, but there's been so many lazy and terrible stories written by eleven year olds with nothing better to do than write the shittiest stories ever. And it's not just that they aren't good, it's that they are written remarkably insincerely and lazily, with barely any effort, so already that description rings warning bells in my mind that this story might be another one of those.

Thankfully, it wasn't, this was a legitimate story with thought, effort and, genuine storycraft put into it, and for that I applaud Team 7. But please, for the love of god, don't give such a description unless you're parodying that type of low effort story game, since it gives your game a really bad first impression. And to do a parody well takes some intelligence, you need to be able to write good in order to parody bad games effectively.

I think this story was written for a school class, and that too a German one. I think they might be learning English as a second language, so my review and rating will take those 2 mitigating factors into account.

I really love the way the group started their story off: "The sea god Haeggir sent his worst story yet, ravaging the settlement."

First things first, the first page:

Intrdocue the family via dialogue: I'm not a huge fan of you telling us "the somber father Jarin, the steadfast mother Fayzah, the aspiring twins Ronan and Ryan..."

It's a little dull of a description, and there are so many better ways you can convey that same exposition information.

Since this is a storytelling website, you'd want to do something like this: "Jarin frowned as he saw his kids playing outside, making loud and raucous noises. He set his newspaper down to go and scold them". It's admidettly not the best sentence ever, but it gets the idea across that Jarin is a somber and serious father. Furthermore, some of these descriptors are vague and, without accompanying context, essentially meaningless: the steadfast mother fayzah. What

That sentences conjures up images of an angry and vengeful god, sending the might of the sea down upon a helpless village. That imagery is really powerful, and I feel invested, I want to know more about this story.

Excellent use of vocabulary: I love the choice arbiters of chance. It sets up a grand, legendary feel for the story.

I also really feel for the family's plight: Do they leave their ancestral homes because of heavy storms, or do they stay. I love these kinds of serious dilemmas with important stakes right from the get go. You also explain well why it might be a good idea to leave: the proximity of the shore leaves the family open to danger, you waste lots of time on repairs, and as more and more village members die, the collective suffers because they all depend on each other.

The fact that you considered these options and wrote them down shows a real maturity and genuineness that inspires hope in me that this story will be good, and it does away with the fears I felt upon seeing that ridiculous description.

The branching is really interesting, there are multiple choices you make and these choices aren't cosmetic, rather they lead to genuine consequences.

I also enjoyed the use of Gemein and Gesell variables. I looked up what they mean and gemain type societies are small villages that are communal and cooperative, while gesell are large, almost-capilastic societies where everyone looks out for themselves, and these societies are more individualistic.

The choices you make reflect these variables, if you pick "not my problem we need to look out for own interests" , your gesell variable goes up, but if you choose to share or offer a hand, your gemein goes up. Another interesting thing is some choices are neutral, if you only choose to donate excess, once you have enough, that does nothing, which akes sense since then you're only a fair weather friend, so you're not truly communal.

The rest of the game unfolds with you choosing choices that ultimately dictates what type of society you get depending on how your choices balance between being "gesell" and "gemein".

One really insightful thing the authors did was they made it so you can't have a completely pure "gesell" or "gemain" path. At this, I was shocked at the maturity and wisdom of the kids, because the point they made is quite profound. No matter how hard you try, you can't be completely cooperative or completely individualistic. I kept choosing the most cooperative choices, but at one point, I was forced to do an action that gave me an individual choice. I thought it was a profound observation on how in real life, societies need to try and strive for one or there, but you can't achieve a complete communal utopia, or a fully capitalistic rat race society, you get something somewhere in the spectrum.

I also like how when you're trying for gemein, not every choice is sunshine and rainbows. This is another example of the maturity and thought these students put, they didn't just write whatever they wanted, they really thought about things in a smart way. If some families designated refuse to cooperate, exiling them increases your gemein variable, which was interesting because before, it was all giving food or a helping hand. All nice choices. I like this aspect because in a communal society, culling out the lazy or the dishonest is important to keep the rest of the village healthy and it's a dark choice to make, but sometimes you have to.

The ending that I got was where I strived for the most cooperative. As a result, gains increased, and widows and widowers could rest without worrying, but there was no specialization. In a more capitalist society, individuals work in industries where they get the greatest margin of returns, with specialization of labor. Here in the communal society, everyone does everything, and while that builds trust and a good safety net, people don't always do what they are good at and that leads to inefficiency. I really like how I got a complex ending: mixed with good and bad.

Overall, I'd give it a 5/8. It's a solid effort, nothing too amazing but well above average of what we usually get in the site. This is a very thoughtful and well-written work that shows that the authors really understood the assignment of having you develop an either cooperative or individualistic society. Nicely done.

This was actually pretty decent, most school projects that show up here are not.

It wasn't ever defined what GEMEIN and GESELL meant, I have a vague idea from looking up the German meaning though. Similarly I think more could've been done to establish the characters and their backgrounds and roles in the village, there are several names thrown at the reader right out of the gate, but not a lot of other info is given to distinguish them.

The story overall feels like it was a little too short, but that means it was all made enough and with an interesting enough concept that I'd like to have seen more options and endings and a bit more descriptive detail to explore the themes.

I agree with Suranna that the description is the worst part of it though, something to indicate the actual contents would be useful--this is going to be up on the site long after you get your grade from the assignment.

that being said, this is actually interesting, i found myself replaying this mini story game multiple times. and yes sadly i am a gamer

i keep getting confused by the names :(

unique approach

Very nice you guys - Good...to poop on, hard not to laugh out loud!

interesting approach

Too wordy, lack visuals, some options are redundant like 'Months later'. Interesting story, but fair attempt at execution. Could have been better. However, we love the lore, and how it aligns with the concept/topic we are covering today. Good job!!!

It’s pretty good for a short school project, but I do wish the story description was a little less misleading. I thought this was some sort of joke storygame at first glance.