Player Comments on The Chinatown Murderer
There was more to this story than I originally expected. It is not a bad concept for a story, but a lot of improvement could be made in its execution.
There could be spoilers below.
The writing needs a bit of work and editing. Much of the first page provides descriptions that really don't contribute to the story. Data dumping a physical description of the main character or his best friend really serves no purpose to the story. If one wishes to do this there are much more creative ways to leak the physical descriptions into a story. Also, I noticed a lot of issues with spelling, structure, and choppy sentences that took away from the flow of the story.
The branching was non-existent at the start, but, once you got into it, the branching improved significantly. However, some choices were just not logical. For example, this Govt. Agent finds a dead body in an alley and just goes home to eat fish? He didn't even call anyone about it? And that choice takes you to the same end page as just not going to the alley in the first place.
I had a hard time getting into the character. Some backstory was given but it did not really produce any emotional attachment to the character.
I think many of these issues could be fixed by some editing, proofreading, and just spending a bit more time with the story to tighten it up. This storygame starts with a decent concept, but needs some more work to deliver it better.
Overall, I think that this story is a nice start to an idea, and would be much better with some more development.
on 5/16/2022 10:12:07 AM with a score of 0
Short. Very short, but sweet.
on 10/8/2020 1:10:42 PM with a score of 0
I like cats.
I don't know if it was meant to be, but in my mind the "investigate the cat" choice was a Supernatural reference.
on 12/24/2017 4:58:53 AM with a score of 0
Is the first story that reads on this page, the truth is that it is not bad at all
— Ainger on 2/17/2017 8:33:18 AM with a score of 0
I got the best ending (I think) on my first try. I liked it though. Definitely better than the three page stories with just as many typos as correctly spelled words.
on 3/22/2016 5:17:43 PM with a score of 0
Nice little game. Not the most intricate or longest, but not the worst either.
on 3/15/2016 5:44:12 AM with a score of 0
It's an alright beginning, but it's still pretty short. About 4 actual choices and it's over. (4 you can't even decide on.)
Grammar was pretty good.
on 3/11/2016 9:18:06 AM with a score of 0
Easy. Just bust their kneecap lol. It's the best choice. Why disarm them when you can disarm and break a few bones and body parts in the process? ;)
on 3/7/2016 3:37:46 PM with a score of 0