Player Comments on the mansion escape

Some grammar and spelling errors. A bit short, but not bad if it's a first attempt. Definitely needs more details to make the story come alive.

Maybe next time add some detail. This story was lacking most things. However, just like in most bad storygames detail is the main thing lacking in the story. Why not add more detail about the mansion, the main character, even the treasure itself? It is always the little things that can ruin or help a storygame.
You have ruined it.
2/8

Nice story :)

It had terrible grammar. It was a great idea but a bit to short for my liking. Improve the grammar and lengthen it a bit, and you've got yourself a great storygame!

The ending seems a bit rushed. I fell through the floor and escaped easily, I feel like there should have been some sort of punishment for making a mistake, like a hard challenge that the character runs into or something. This was good though, just needs to be longer.

Your grammar needs a bit of work. It isn't bad enough that it's difficult to read, but there are things like paragraphs and dialogue that need working on.
You ought to put End and Leave Comments links on every death page. You also don't need to put a link on a death page that links to the previous page. I'm not sure if you've noticed (...it took me a while to) but when you're playing a storygame, in the upper right corner there's a back button that takes you to the previous page.
I liked how this story wasn't linear (although a bit random at times) and that there were multiple ways to escape.