Player Comments on Trouble in paradise part two

EEC: "It looks like you've met the bees."
Me with my dying breath "They're....wasps."

What? This story is super linear (although there are a few parts where you can survive with two choices on the same page) and written terribly. I would recommend that you make it better by fixing grammar and make more choices.

@Will11 , haha!

"You need to work on the spelling, the grammar, the characters, the setting and the plot, otherwise it was fine."

You could have saved yourself a lot of space and just wrote "everything"! What is this "otherwise" component? It seems like you crossed off pretty much everything on the list!

It's trolol, that guy who gave himself praise in the comments section of his own story.

Having known that, I really don't know what I expected I'd find here...

I loved this story, but some parts didn't make sense. I agree with bilbo on this story

Better than the last one, but still could use lots of work. It's hunger games minus the length or characters.

You need to work on the spelling, the grammar, the characters, the setting and the plot, otherwise it was fine.

Also do you think it would be possible to combine these parts into one single story? If they could fit War and Peace into one book I've got a feeling you'll be able to merge these parts into one story too :)

The longer you spend on your stories the better it will be but if you rush your stories and don't care about them then the readers won't either. Spend time developing your ideas before writing them up.

For the next one, I'd recommend using a spellchecker. Also, it's very short and people around here prefer to have everything in a single storygame rather than a series of storygames.