11/5/2014

6/6/2023 3:48 PM

807

25

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Esteemed Architect Exemplar

A Titanic Experience

You know the story and have probably seen the film; now you can experience what the disaster was really like for those who were there.

Authors Note: This story is about 90% historically accurate, every event and spoken word occurred in identical or similar form, though to prevent this becoming a comedy I had to change some of the speech (things like "I say old man, that is frightfully sporting" has become "That is very decent of you"). On the bright side you should not find Jack and Rose running around in this story :)

 

American Outlaws: Bonnie and Clyde

This is a tale of Bonnie and Clyde.

American Outlaws: The Dillinger Gang

It is 1933 and America is in its fourth year of Depression. There is widespread anger at the banks and at the forces of justice. Against this backdrop the charismatic and carefree John Dillinger has emerged to lead a gang of hardened bank robbers and killers in challenging the American Government and the newly-formed FBI. You are one of his gang who rob the wealthiest banks in the country to buy the best life has to offer. The forces of justice will relentlessly pursue you and it is only by surviving deadly gunfights and high-speed chases that you will be able to stay ahead of them... Author's Note: Though the next story in this series should be Butch Cassidy's Hole in the Wall Gang I decided to skip forward a bit and write about a smaller group operating in a different time than my previous two stories which were set in the Old West. Dillinger was one of the closest examples of a Robin Hood type criminal that America has yet produced and I hope the reader enjoys reading the story as much as I enjoyed writing it.

American Outlaws: The James Gang

Jesse James was a lad that killed many a man / he robbed the Glendale train / he stole from the rich and he gave to the poor / he had a hand and a heart and a brain.

It was on a Saturday night and the moon was shining bright / they robbed the Glendale train / and people did say over many miles away / it was those outlaws Frank and Jesse James!

Now the people held their breath when they heard of Jesse's death / and wondered how he'd ever come to fall / Robert Ford, it was a fact, he shot Jesse in the back / While Jesse hung a picture on the wall...

In this story your name is Bill Grey and you are an outlaw, one of a desperate gang who have chosen to live outside the law. By robbing Yankee banks you can make more money in one day than you could make in ten years of work but at the cost that thousands of lawmen and law-abiding citizens everywhere will hunt you relentlessly, not stopping until you are brought to justice Dead or Alive! By surviving deadly gunfights and eluding pursuit with the help of your fellow outlaws your objective is to escape with your ill-gotten gains and live a life of luxury!

Author's Note: This is a little gift to the site to make up for the fact that The CYS Challenge isn't even a quarter finished yet and Magellan 5 is still in the planning stage. As always with my Edutainment stories it's about 90% true but events have been edited or simplified to make the story flow more easily and be more enjoyable. Incidentally my personal feelings about Jesse James and his companions is that history has been incredibly kind to men who shot defenseless people, stole the money of their countrymen and kept it all for themselves but the things he and others like Billy the Kid, John Dillinger et al did are so remarkable it's hard to keep from admiring their pure nerve :)

American Outlaws: The Wild Bunch

They were dueling Doolin-Dalton / High or low it was the same / Easy money and faithless women / Red eye whiskey for the pain.

Go down Bill Dalton, it must be God's will / Two brothers lying dead in Coffeyville / Two voices call you from where they stood / Lay down your law books now, they're no damn good.

Better keep on moving Doolin-Dalton / Till your shadow sets you free / If you're fast and if you're lucky / you will never see that hanging tree.

With a pistol in each hand, your horse's hooves drumming beneath you, the incessant bangs and whizzes of gunshots all around you, the shouts of angry men and the screams of the injured and dying ringing in your ears you roam the towns, plains and wilderness of the American Old West with your fellow outlaws: the daring Dalton boys, the King of the Oklahoma Outlaws Bill Doolin and all the other members of The Wild Bunch.

Your mission is to get rich or die trying and if you are very clever and very lucky you might just live to enjoy your ill-gotten gains; if not... a weather-beaten cross in a dusty cemetery and your rusting pistol in a 21st century museum next to an old black and white photo of a bullet-riddled body will be your fate!

Author's Note: Following the (for me) surprisingly positive feedback on The James Gang I've decided to write the next story I had planned in that series, putting The CYS Challenge and Magellan 5 on hold for now. With a new cast of larger-than-life characters, more epic gunfights and daring robberies like it's predecessor this is the sort of story too unbelievable for fiction and absolutely incredible for being true! I sincerely hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)

Battlefield Commander: Ancient Warfare

In this story game you become a commander from ancient times, leading your brave warriors into the greatest battles in history! Ranging from Ancient China to Carthage, Greece and Rome this story gives the reader the chance to command in over thirty battles in ten different campaigns to see if their decisions can win glory on the battlefield or merely consign themselves to an anonymous grave! The reader will fight alongside some of history's greatest commanders like Alexander the Great, Pyrrhus of Epirus and Bai Qi, the Human Butcher, in their quest to become the greatest general of them all! Let the fight begin! Author's Note: This is the long overdue and far more ambitious sequel The Trojan War, if it proves popular I will follow it with a sequel (or two) based, initially, on the rise and fall of Rome. I hope the reader enjoys the game aspect of this and good luck gaining the highest score possible! The Campaigns are best played in order and I've tried to include a mixture of countries and cultures in the selection of battles but naturally these are just my choices of ones I think might be interesting... :)

Battlefield Commander: The Trojan War

In this story game you become a commander from ancient times, leading your brave warriors into the greatest battles of history! Your decisions will determine whether you and your men live or die as you fight with and against the greatest and worst commanders the world has ever known! Let the fight begin!

Author's Note: This is basically a test story-game to see if I can figure out the mechanics of this site well enough to deliver a respectable war simulation...

Climbing Beyond The Clouds

Can you be the first man to reach the summit of Mount Everest?

Authors Note: My last Edutainment game, I promise! It is Fantasy, Modern Adventure and Puzzles all summer now :D

Detective 1: Blacksea Island

The first in a new series of stories featuring the teenage amateur detective Susan Knox as the reader's character. Set in open world locations where the reader is free to choose where to look for clues, who to interview, what to ask and where the correct suspect, motive and murder method must be identified within a set time limit, this first story is set on the mysterious and notorious Blacksea Island whose history of insanity and death holds the secret to the unusual death of Knox's best friend...

I hope the reader enjoys my latest story.

Note: This story includes a few cases of naughty words (for example one of these words rhymes with "bunt", "punt" and "hunt" and isn't "runt") so those with delicate sensibilities, easily offended eyes or a nervous disposition should avoid this story to avoid mental distress, disorders or damaging derangements of dangerous and diabolical dimensions.

Finally I estimate this story would take roughly one hour to complete, give or take, and the reader might benefit from making notes or a map of the island, depending how good their memory is :)

Detective 2: Han Island

Susan Knox returns to solve another mystery! Travelling to the beautiful yet mysterious Island of Han in the heart of the South China Sea the young detective faces another challenge: solving the mysteries surrounding a five-year-old "suicide" amidst rumours of pirate gold. Playable as a stand-alone adventure, the reader must use all their intelligence and logic if they are to uncover the secrets that lie amidst the tangled web of massacres, insanity, skeletons, pirate treasure and, at their heart, a promising life cut tragically short, that make up the history of Han Island. Good Luck!

HOW NOT TO WRITE- A Pokemon Adventure - Part 1 - Chapter I - Section A: The Beginning of the Start

Rule 1: Unless your story is at least 100 pages long you shouldn't divide it into parts and pay some attention to choosing the correct Maturity, Difficulty and Tags for your story.

As I happen to be on holiday for the first time in about 900 years I've managed to write a little story game offering some examples I've brainstormed or seen recently in badly-written stories of how not to write. Like it's older cousin, The Land of Bad Writing, this story uses examples of bad writing as a way of showing how not to write and I don't have any one story in mind particularly in writing this, just practitioners of bad writing in general.

I've decided to base this story on Pokemon for no other reason than the fact Fan Fiction requires less creativity than most other styles of writing and because Pokemon reminds me of when I was a little Will11 and I, my ten brothers (all coincidently called Will as well) and my nine sisters (the Wilmas 1 to 9) would gather behind the nuclear waste and anthrax testing facility in the woods outside our little trailer park called Asbetos to trade black market Pokemon cards for Plutonium with a mixture of Gypsies, Elves and the Dutch... basically I'm writing about Pokemon because I'm feeling a little Nostalgic today :D

(Rule 1.5: Don't write lengthy and pointless descriptions offering fake autobiographies to your readers).

Hunting the Alphabet Killer

The clues are always there, it is just a case of searching and thinking hard enough... Continuing my experimental grim and gritty approach to detective stories I've scribbled this real life mystery. Written in the style of Hunting the Ripper it is worth mentioning this story is based on true events and people (some of whom are still alive) with about 90% accuracy and as it concerns the hunt for a serial child killer and rapist obviously it is not suitable reading for some, though I have tried to deal tactfully with some of the more unpleasant subject matter. Disclaimer over. As always, thankyou for taking the time to read my stories.

Hunting the Ripper

"Jack the Ripper is dead / Jack the Ripper is dead / He's lying on his bed / Bleeding through his head / Jack the Ripper is dead" - A Victorian Children's Skipping Rope Song.

Death stalks the fog-shrouded streets of London as prostitutes are killed and mutilated in the darkness of the night... As a Private Detective working alongside Scotland Yard you will be faced with the most challenging adversary of your career, a man who's very name has become a byword for terror: Jack the Ripper. Are you smart enough to catch him?

BEWARE: This game is 200+ pages long and will take about 30-60 minutes to read through. Do not read if operating heavy machinery, juggling chainsaws or entertaining small children.

Author's Note: This story will require some thinking and the reader might want to make notes, though with a bit of cleverness and logic readers should be able to correctly identify the real Ripper. About 95% of the information in this story is historically accurate.  Finally as you'd probably guess a story about hunting someone who killed and mutilated prostitutes is not a feel-good family comedy, if you are under 13 I don't recommend that you read this. Certainly do not google "Jack the Ripper victims" if you suffer from nightmares :D

Magellan 1: Race into the Great Unknown

For hundreds of years your people have lived on The Three Islands completely surrounded by a vast impenetrable reef. Scientific advances and large amounts of gunpowder has finally allowed your people to breach this reef in two places, making accessible for the first time a vast unexplored world beyond your country's borders. The ten greatest sea captains of The Three Islands have been summoned by the King to take part in a great race: to be the first to sail around an unexplored world!
You are one of these Captains and an exciting adventure into the unknown awaits you!

Author's Note: My first foray into Fantasy for teenage readers! Inspired by the incredible first voyage around the world by Ferdinand Magellan if this story isn't universally detested it will be the first of a five-part series of adventures! I hope you enjoy it and as always, thank you for taking the time to read the semi-literate scribbles I like to call my writing :)

Magellan 2: Fight for Beliefs

The Great Reef has been breached and your people are pouring out into a vast new world: a world of opportunities, adventure... and danger.

Explorers and traders establishing new colonies on the islands discovered by you and your fellow sea-farers have come into conflict with warlike and deadly Natives and blood has been shed. In response Queen Anne-Marie has assembled a vast War Fleet to sail out to meet with these Natives and establish land ownership by diplomacy or force. As a member of this great expedition you will travel once more into an unknown and dangerous world in the greatest undertaking in your people's history... do you have what it takes?

Author's Note: This story can be read by itself but useful background information is provided by reading Magellan 1: Race into the Great Unknown first. In an effort to try to respond to the feedback of readers I have specifically tried to create a greater interaction between the strong-willed and unique personalities of you and your fellow Captains and also changed the main character's name from Cleo to Leo to make him more... manly. I hope you enjoy reading this :)

Magellan 3: Journey to New Horizons

As you country continue to expand beyond the borders of the Great Reef into the largely unknown world of Magellan worrying news arrives: Tobias Cuthrew, the greatest sailor your people have known, has vanished while on a voyage of exploration into the West. Once more your hard-hearted monarch Queen Anne-Marie demands your services, this time to lead an expedition to find your missing comrade. But is there more to this mission that meets the eye?

Author's Note: As always thank you to everyone who takes the time to read my stories and a larger thank you to the CYOA community at large for giving me a reason to write them in the first place :) I have specifically tried to make this story less linear than the last, with four main story branches.

Magellan 4: Search for Original Ideas

Betrayed by your Queen and hunted by her allies the situation looks bleak for you and your small band of allies. But opposition to tyranny takes many forms and from small beginnings and a few great ideas is it possible you could gain the weapons you need to defeat your enemies while simultaneously protecting your defenseless allies from the vengeance of your foes? Requiring all your ingenuity you are about to embark on the greatest fight of your career!

Author's Note: This fourth installment of the series is a bit longer and more difficult than its predecessors but it ties up quite a few loose threads ready for a big finish in Magellan 5. Thanks for everyone's feedback and support so far! Please be aware teenage readers and those of a low maturity this story is a bit more X Rated than earlier stories in the series as the relationship between Leo and Naomi is... improving :). Homophobes should probably steer clear of this story too :)

Mutiny on the Bounty

In 1787 the HMS Bounty left England with a crew of 46 men to sail to Tahiti, pick up breadfruit trees, transport them to colonies in Jamaica and return to England. This seemingly innocent voyage would result in an incredible series of events including a mutiny by murderous pirates, incredible open boat voyages, shipwrecks, bloody battles with natives, trials, executions and suffering that would leave most of the original crew dead. This is the true story of the Mutiny on the Bounty.

The Donner Party

In this story-game you become a member of the Donner Party.
The Donner Party were a group of about 90 men, women and children who tried traveling to their new homes in California by an unfamiliar route across the Salt Lake Desert of Utah and the Sierra Nevada Mountains but met with enough misfortunes and suffering to kill half the group and leave the remainder scarred for the rest of their lives...

The Land of Bad Writing

You knew you should not have eaten and drank so much on Christmas Day, a troubled sleep leads to a nightmare where you find yourself trapped in the worst place imaginable: The Land of Bad Writing! Will you ever escape?

Authors Note: I should point out I have assumed about twenty different author's voices to give the worst examples of bad writing as possible as a guide of how not to write. If you want to know what my usual style is like message me or read my other story-games. It is also worth pointing out this story-game isn't aimed at anyone's stories in particular but practitioners of bad writing in general.

The Lost Expedition (1)

You are a Victorian Adventurer, a man who explores dangerous places and does dangerous things for the thrill of it. Following your recent expeditions in Africa you have been invited to the island of Marco, recently claimed by the British Government. Landing in the port of Victoria on the east side of the island you soon learn why you are there: a party of fifty men led by a certain Captain Donovan have vanished on an exploration expedition into the unknown jungle interior.
Your assignment is to find him and learn what has befallen his men, though you will be lucky if you too do not vanish from sight and knowledge beneath those deadly trees...

Author's Note: As this is the first story game I will have posted I am only posting half of it while I get used to the scripting etc. If it is not universally despised I will post the sequel Donovan's Curse (2) as soon as I have written it.

The Lost Expedition (2)

You are a Victorian Adventurer, a man who explores dangerous places and does dangerous things for the thrill of it. Following a month of searching the deadly island of Marco you have found the remnants of the lost expedition of Captain William Donovan, a renegade officer who seems to enjoy his role as adopted chief of the local Yantu Natives. You and your men now find yourself at the mercy of these dangerous and war-loving warriors... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Author's Note: This is the sequel to The Lost Expedition (1), the first story-game I wrote on this site over two years ago, and my entry into the January 2017 Wilderness themed competition. I think everything I've done in these Lost Expedition stories I've done bigger and better in the Magellan stories but I'm glad Bucky's competition has given me the motivation to finish this little two-part adventure. To get the most out of this story I recommend you read The Lost Expedition (1), first, though this can be read as a stand-alone adventure.

The Reign of Terror

You are an amateur detective plunged into the heart of the 1920's Oklahoma oil boom, where one by one native Osage men and women are being brutally murdered. As more and more are slain you find yourself increasingly alone in a desperate world of shadows, unsure who to trust, not even knowing if you will be the next to fall... This is a remarkable and true story of murder, conspiracy, and insatiable greed. Do you dare to experience the Reign of Terror?

(If you enjoy this storygame and wish to know more of the true life history, I recommend David Grann's book Killers of the Flower Moon.)

The Screaming Skull

In this medium-length Whodunnit you assume the role of a professional Detective having to solve a crime with a difference: not only do you need to identify the perpetrator of a brutal and gruesome crime but you also need to identify the victim too... In this one I've deliberately gone for a more grim and gritty "true crime" sort of thing than my usual stories so if you suffer from a delicate nervous constitution or are just a bit of a wuss then probably this story is not for you :)

The Spanish Armada

The year is 1588. King Philip II, Catholic head of a vast Spanish Empire that stretches across the Americas and much of Europe, is poised to invade little England with a vast fleet of 130 ships and 55,000 men, only the little English fleet stands in his path... In this story you play the role of Martin Bertendona, one of the ten Squadron commanders in the Fleet. With deadly challenges and difficult decisions you will do well just to survive, let alone avoid the dangers of either capture or imprisonment in these dangerous times... This is my 20th story game, a personal milestone, but one of my shortest yet coming in at around 40 pages. It is not my entry for the 2019 competition, I am still working on that, just a little story I threw together when I had a few days off work combining my twin loves of history and people having unpleasant experiences at sea :D I hope you enjoy it.

This sounds like a good idea :)

Yeah, there are lots of existing ways on the site to motivate feedback and I do worry people might just leave a random score with the ratings for the points so comments seem a priority. Increasing the number of Featured Comments to 5 might expand the existing system? Perhaps a thread in the forum like the writing threads but a reading thread or a comment on a story every day for a month thread might also help? I like the story games in need thing on the main page, perhaps a link to show all stories by ratings / comments might help identify those that have received the least feedback but that would need some coding. It's interesting what you say about the comments - I've noticed the stories often get fantastic multi-paragraph reviews or just a line or two, it sounds like a good idea to go for a middle ground. I'm trying to find ways to motivate myself to get more active with the site again as well tbh :D

Hey yo, I hope everyone's doing ok. I don't know if this suggestion has been made before or if this is the right bit of the forum but with all the good writing competitions lately I was wondering if a reading competition was a good idea to boost writers' feedback, comments and ratings? Something like read as many stories as you can for one month, and if you can earn a Top Rater Trophy (read 50% of the stories) you get x amounts of commendations or points, if you earn a Supreme Rater Trophy (read 95% of the stories) you get x amount of goodies and if you read all the stories on the site (100%) you get some special benefit like a load of goodies or maybe awarded a trophy. This might just mean people scan through the stories quickly without really reading them and leave a random rating so maybe there could be some rule about leaving a meaningful comment and some bonus for those that get their comments featured? I don't know if this is a good idea or not but I know, like most members, I don't read enough stories on here and it might be good to have some sort of short-term motivational project, like a reading competition, to boost the main reading reward system (points, commendations, etc).

Hey yo, Chinese mole here. Most of the Chinese people I talked to about this think it's pretty funny. They don't believe the government for a second that it's a weather balloon and everyone knows it's a spy balloon, they think it's dumb of the CCP to do this (why not just use satellites) and find the idea of people believing the official explanation funny. I've heard a lot of good jokes about how the Chinse government could explain this one: - The balloon was bored and wanted to see the world. - A child had a really big balloon for his birthday party and lost it. - It was a gift from China that was misinterpreted. - There was a basket that the American haven't found yet. - China was being nice and giving the Americans target practice.

Yeah, my Chinese isn’t 100% and I rarely write it. Of the two I would recommend Taiwan but if you want a more “edgy” experience China can be interesting. You are safe here (apart from the odd potentially fatal Covid strain) and everything Swiftstryker says is pretty much true I think. Dishonesty and face (shiny surface to hide the non-existent money, quality or whatever behind) is an integral part of society, even down to the family level where – in my experience – members regularly lie to each other to create the illusion of success or hide misdeeds because of the massive social expectations which contrast massively with the reality. The only real honesty you get here it between good friends. Racism is a bit of a problem, though Chinese tend to positively discriminate towards whites and negatively towards blacks. My Chinese wife has been abused by strangers in the street for marrying a non-Chinese and I’ve been attacked in bars by drunks because of the whole white face thing. Don’t be surprised if some hotels don’t let you stay there because you are western. Homophobia can be an issue, especially in the countryside. Sexism and domestic abuse is pretty high. Otherwise, it’s lovely here. But on the positive side the food is fantastically delicious (though I wouldn’t recommend some delicacies like cow stomachs) and there are opportunities to make a lot of money if you don’t follow the rules and engage with enthusiasm in the whole corruption thing (as a foreigner you’d need an in though, a good friendship or relationship with those Chinese involved in these activities or a lot of money to spend might do it). While I remember reading about 60% of the population live on less than $150 dollars a month there is a growing middle class and an obscenely rich 1% of party sycophants, similar to Russian oligarchs. Mostly they are closely connected to the CCP, who are increasingly out of touch with the reality of the problems most people in China have to deal with. The growing education levels of Chinese, particularly students, is really encouraging (all young people speak English now for example) and I remain optimistic that China will make positive social changes in the future though hopefully Xi won’t nuke Taiwan first. The countryside here is beautiful (apart from the shanty-towns of poor farmers’ homes made of sheets of corrugated metal stuck together) and obviously in China there’s a lot more of it than Taiwan. The historical places are interesting and what survived the madness of Mao’s Cultural Revolution is worth seeing. The big cities (first tier) have facilities as good as the big cities in the west. Hong Kong is my favorite by a mile (so many beautiful tropical islands!) but Shenzhen has some great things and Beijing, Guangzhou, Xi’an etc are worth visiting. I’m not sure what else to say: speaking Chinese will be a huge asset in China or Taiwan but in either place you’re in for a huge culture shock. Things sometimes happen here that still surprise me. Oh, one other thing about Covid. My friend’s grandpa recently died of Covid, went to the crematorium and had to pay extra to burn him because the crematorium can only handle 200 bodies a day and currently they have 300 and are keeping the surplus in an abandoned factory outside town. With no ambulances available I heard of one friend’s cousin loading their dead grandma into their car and driving her to the crematorium in the passenger seat. One of my student’s parents is a doctor and told me some sad cases of people who got covid, recovered, went out drinking all night for Christmas and New Year and then died of heart attacks linked to respiratory failure. Some of the youngest were 29 and 36 years old. Basically, what I’m trying to say is, all the bad stuff you read about China is true and then a whole lot more and it’s important to be aware of that if you do choose to come here.

I don't know about "love it", "tolerate it" might be closer :D But yeah, I've been out here 9 years now and it is certainly an interesting and unique culture... kudos on learning Chinese by the way. As languages go it's a tough one and I only learnt the basics (mainly stuff relating to food and getting it) before giving up. In answer to Ace's question though 我的汉语是不好，我是不好学生。汉语是非常难！

My New Year Resolution is to make no New Year Resolutions. I have failed already :)

I am a bit slow to respond to this threat and I think all the good points have been made but I'll just add my thoughts. Personally I don't mind if the site is monetized or not, though I can see why it might be an incentive to new and existing writers. The site has a great community and is so well run I am sure nothing would be done to discourage site users, if financial features are put in I think they should be entirely voluntary and a link to a patreon page or something similarly low-key would probably suffice for those that want it. Certainly I think the site should be kept ad-free, though the site's creators have certainly earned the right to put in ads if they want them; I think it would clash with the relaxed vibe of the site. I think AlexP and the site mods have created and maintain a fantastic site and I have confidence that they will listen to the site members before making any changes. :)

Merry Christmas, I hope everyone has a great day :)

Thanks a lot, this sounds like a clever way of doing what I'm trying to do. Thanks for your help :D