Player Comments on Unlikely Heroes

A 6/8 length story is impressive, but, in so many ways this is almost unreadable. The grammar needs serious work, to begin with.

I mean... 'Once you and Julia was out of the hospital, you demanded to go home.' ...we're talking the very first sentence of the story here. And there are other examples on the first page alone. I didn't get the sense any proofreading was done at all here.

The protagonist not seeming to have any reaction at all to the loss of his family, his home, or the unknown numbers of other people who would've died in the area, makes me pretty much instantly unable to care about or relate to him, and Julia's not any better.

And unless freak accidents bestowing super powers is just a normal thing in this setting, the underwhelming response of absolutely everyone else--doctors, authorities, etc--is a little difficult to just accept.

It's possible I missed a few details because it all honesty I had trouble staying engaged with this story, with the things I mentioned all happening in the first couple of pages and being pretty off putting. Unlikeable characters + lack of immersion = uninteresting story.

This is a genre I love in theory, just the way this one was executed felt really rushed and lazy. The grammar at the very least, there was no excuse for.

(Sorry if I'm being rude, I just want to help)

Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. First off, what the heck is even going on here?

Here's the first sentence: 'Once you and Julia was out of the hospital, you demanded to go home.' Besides the grammatical errors, there are so many things wrong with this sentence. Why were we in the hospital? Who are you even talking to? What is going on here?

You should probably provide some more info in the story, plus some more information about these powers and how you're getting them, since not everyone reads the description, and add some backstory while you're at it.

This story has so much potential, but it needs some work. 3/8.

Grammar and spelling, bad they are. Waste of time, felt like it did. On purpose, is this speech.

It was fun, I got the best ending, and is very suspensful. It does not really give much info though. Nice]

found the canon ending

Grammar mistakes. Shitty

i liked it...when is the squeal coming

The sudden end was kind of abrupt. I guess you could have made it longer. But I guess it's slightly more fun than homework, what can I say?

Bwahaha! The mutants are my army and I will rule this city with an iron fist!

Nice work. I really liked the storyline and wish it was longer. I agree with Will by the fact that the story has very few grammar errors (except for the Canon ending after clicking the text 'Two months later' if you read at the top of the screen it says 'Ontario, Canada. One year later'). Overall nice story, slightly weird plot and well done for proof reading. :)

You mentioned about an M2 Bradley? It seems that you know military stuff quite well. But still, this is a decent story. Good work! 4/8

Very good work, you wrote an original story that was grammatically and alphabetically correct which puts you ahead of 90% of the new stories this site has been receiving lately :) Overall I enjoyed this story, it was a bit weird but hey, it was fun :D Good Work.