Player Comments on VUWSA's NZUSA Referendum

So... this is about trying to get a New Zealand student association to withdraw from a union, right?

I didn't understand, it was all a bunch of capitalized gibberish...

I have no idea what this story is or means. The joy of abbreviations is that things we know can be expressed in a simple form rather than a long winded form. When you don't know what VUWSA and NZUSA means it is like reading another language. Please translate.

No satisfying ending, no idea who my character is (personality/values wise) or what I'm doing, and just a huge lack of detail present throughout story.

It's also extremely linear, with only one particular choice in each branch allowing you to continue through the story.

I just couldn't care about what was going on. Maybe if I knew more about a few people in my office, or learned a bit more about this family that I have, I would have had been more determined to see through the final outcome.

As for the lack of detail, one whole page was simply:
"Ok, they said."
Minus the quotations, of course.

I need detail in my story games, characters I'm interested in, and some overarching goal I can get behind. This lacks all three and is ludicrously short; took me less than five minutes to complete, I reckon, and defiantly doesn't warrant a 4/8 for maturity (didn't even spot any light swearing).

Whilst the idea of being an exec in a political party/whatever/what even is VUWSA/NZUSA?/ect is one that hasn't been done before and hence holds some appeal, I feel like you just did this to test out the editor. I'd suggest finding a genre you like to read and then writing a piece of fiction in that genre; if you like writing it, more people are likely to like reading it.

And finally, make sure you re-read over your work (preferably multiple times, say six to a dozen) to check for grammar/spelling/clarity in storytelling/ect and take time to work on your stories. Rushing only hinders you as a writer and makes the piece less enjoyable for the reader.

Good luck in future endeavors.