MicroPen, The Wordsmith

Member Since

8/10/2018

Last Activity

8/9/2020 11:14 PM

EXP Points

278

Post Count

276

Storygame Count

3

Duel Stats

1 win / 0 losses

Order

Warden

Commendations

30

Yo.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points

Storygames

A Tale of Theft and Guns

This is a story about Noah. Noah is broke on account of being fired from his job. Now behind on rent and desperate, his friend gives him a job offer that could change his life for better or worse.

Author Note: This story is pretty short, with about 3300~ words. It has 5 endings for you to find, and every choice has an impact on the story. Leave me your thoughts below! Also a BIG thanks to mizal for helping with proofreading.

Paper Slingers
This is the story of you and your crew having to deal with getting ripped off by another crew out to steal your territory. Will you choose war or diplomacy? Will you side with friendship or greed When things get tough will you blow things way out of porption with an horible act? Choose for yourself as these menace's try and invade your newspaper route! Author's note: This is my entry for mizal's into the jungle contest. It was written over the course of 6 days with the proofreading being done an hour before the deadline. So if you see any typo's I blame that despite the fact I should have started way earlier. Please leave a comment, and say what you liked and disliked about the game along with what you rated it.

The Manliest Man
coauthor

This game was made for mizal's Lone Hero contest. While it may be short, that's what happens when you put of writing it until the last moment. Also I wrote it on mobile. Though that is enough of the excuses, I hope you enjoy it.


Kid Money Game
unpublished
This is a game where you try and earn as much money over the summer as you can

Lil Timmy: Halloween Premiere Episode
unpublished

Lil Timmy is mad so he will get his revenge!

Author Note: This story was wrote in 4 hours for a compotition with the theme being spooky. Please keep this in mind when rating


Scripting Test 3158974837
unpublished
hiodffelij

Recent Posts

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views on 8/4/2020 5:26:04 AM
From now on a lot of my reviews won't be super in depth and long. I will give in depth reviews to some games, but for most it will just be my thoughts on them. Unless I post it in this thread I do not consider it an in depth review of the game, and it is just what I think of it. There is a good chance that I will revist a lot of the games I did short reviews on and read them later.

How to get fast points? on 8/1/2020 7:45:50 AM
Pick storygames that don't have super long star comments

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views on 7/26/2020 12:34:02 AM
I DID IT!!!!!!!!!

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views on 7/26/2020 12:32:24 AM
40. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/savior This story is interesting. On one hand it feels like so much more could have been done. There could have been so much more that could have happened with the character in this world. On the other hand it's so... EPIC! Like the whole thing is epic battles of high porpoutions. It has this feeling to it, that you would typically only find in super long stories like eternal. Now let me talk about the whole epic thing. This is the biggest selling point of the whole story. You go around fight insane battles, against overpowered creatures. This whole thing feels like the final arc of an anime. You go around slaying epic creatures. Speaking of which you start off facing a fucking demon, and slaying him with no effort. Like really? You think after seeing how overpowered the main character is how will he ever lose. Next is the branching. I wasn't that big of a fan to be honest. It felt pretty good, until you go back and see that most of the choices were nothing choices, that rebranched back into the main story. A benifit to this is that the story ends up feeling a lot longer then normal. It lets a story of it's length have a lot more content then it seems. If this was a cave of time story then there is no way this much stuff could have happened in this little words. So while the branching isn't the best, I can't really fault it too much here, In conclusion this story is epic. It's biggest downfall is the word count being what it is. As mizal pointed out, I didn't think I was going to get a epic story by reading the description by thankfully I was wrong. I really hope you expand upon this story and make it longer. 6 out of 8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views on 7/26/2020 12:30:45 AM
39. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/following-orders Honestly, I'm not the biggest fan. I'd be lying if I said that this was really that enjoyable. The whole story just feels so... boring. I'm not sure any other way to put that. I would prefer some goofy mess, that is awful to something that is boring. Boredom in fact is the worst thing you can do as a writer. The whole story was so bland. I didn't really care about the characters. I didn't care about the world, though that might be because I'm not a huge fan of the setting. It's just hard for me to say really anything about this game. It exists. I will probally forget everything that has happened in it within a days time. Hell, some of the characters don't even have names. Now another major issue for me is the writing itself. The descriptions are bland, and the writing feels so forced. Like you thought of something then wrote it. If I want to have a, "Mountain that seems impossible to cross," I'm not going to say, "They looked at the mountain, impossible to cross." I'll instead say something like, "They gazed upon the mountain. With the snow piling up, their wagons stand no chance if they were to attempt to cross." Now that isn't the best descriptions, but you see how it's better. You want to be painting a picture in your readers mind. You want to transport them to that world, because that is what reading is about. Now the branching is okay I guess. I don't see a real problem with it. It seems to be kind of liner, but that's fine. This is the most fine thing about the story. In conculsion this story is very forgetable. I didn't really enjoy reading it to be honest. Now there is consederable effort, and it isn't garbage, so I'll rate it a 4 out of 8.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views on 7/26/2020 12:29:11 AM
38. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/when-johnny-comes-marching-home This story was really good. I see why it went on to when the noob contest. Out of the ones I have read so far, all of them except the horror one, the writing here is the highest quality. Would I have put it at the top of my list? I'm not exactly sure. Though from a technical standpoint it is really good, espically considering it was written for a contest. I feel it deserves the first place spot, even if it wasn't my of the stories. I'm not even sure if it's my favorite or not. There is one I might have liked more, but I'm not sure. Now the branching was really good. There were so many endings for the word count. The endings also changed a lot which is good, since varity is very important. I like having a lot of diffrent endings, it keeps the story fresh. The branching also seemed to follow logical choices, Like will you stay with your men or leave them behind. It's better to have choices that would both be made. Unlike having two choices be, walk slowly through the jungle, and rush through the jungle. In that situation we have nothing to go on. In most situations it is better to go slow than fast. The writing quality was great. The dialouge felt real to me and the prose was great. The writing sucks you in from start to finish, and it didn't really feel like a chore to read like some of the other stories did. In conclusion this story is great. I really liked it, and it feels compleat. While I would like more in the same setting, I don't think you should flesh out this game any more than it is. It has a sense of closer with the endings, and it is great just how it is.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views on 7/26/2020 12:27:16 AM
37. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-jungle-book Alright this story wasn't the worst thing I've ever read. It wasn't the best either. I think that is in large part to do with me not being a huge fan of the setting. I mean the setting was okay, but I don't find the idea of going into a jungle to track down a ape that exciting myself. I mean half the game isn't even in the jungle! Also there is the name. Why? It doesn't seem to be a good idea in any regard. This isn't a fan fiction so I'm unsure why you would name it after a famous movie. There is also the font. I didn't hate it as much as mizal did, but I wasn't that big of a fan of it. So the branching was the most okay thing about this story. At the start there are many paths, and while they all end pretty early besides the one that takes you into the jungle, they are there and have a lot of endings between them. I think it was about 8, which is really impressive. Now inside the jungle you make all these desiseons, and one path is clearly the true ending, where you find the beast. There are so many endings in this story, and it's pretty impressive given the word count. There is also the protag. I like his background, and how he wants to break free. A noble who feels restriced and wants to look for a beast. The story has an okay set up, but the setting wasn't really for me. In conclusion, this story wasn't really for me. I liked the story, but I didn't really love it. It was put together pretty well, but it just wasn't for me. I'm sure there are other people who will get more enjoyment out of this than me, and for that I'm giving this story a ?

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views on 7/26/2020 12:25:20 AM
36. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/the-cottage-and-the-'73-rallye First I want to say I'm impressed. I've always found that horror is a very hard catagory to write for. In fact of the ones on the site, I'd say the only one harder is romance. The readers know that they are going into this to be scared, and as a result you have to try a lot harder to creep them out. You can't even use cheap tricks like jumpscares or creepy images to scare the reader. You have to paint the atomosphere in the readers mind and scare them that way. I think this story convey's horror really well. The atmosphere is spot on, and I felt on edge while reading it. It's all about suspense and tension, and this story builds that really well. This story impressed me because I'm used to feeling on the edge of my seat often, and this story acomplished that. I didn't go in expecting anything spectacular, but I was wrong. This story is great. The writing was really great too, and is a major asset in favor of the story. I was imerssed from the onset. I like your style of writing, and there were a few lines that made me cringe, it is still really good. The characters feel kind of flat. They were sort of intresting, but I wouldn't say I cared too much about the parents at all. Emma I did though, and that's good. The branching was pretty good also. There were a decent number of endings, and they were all pretty good, I didn't notice until I read mizal's comment that Emma is never confirmed dead in any of them, so that was a nice touch. In conclusion this story is great. It has great writing, and I hope you write more stories, since you have a skill for imerssing the reading into the story really well. All in all this is a really high 6, and it might even be a seven if improved upon or if I reread it in the future. 6/8

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views on 7/25/2020 3:59:49 AM
35. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/i-don't-need-air-to-breathe Now this storygame certainly surprised me. At the time of writing it is rated a 4.61. I'm am of the oppoien that this storygame is very underrated. It isn't the best thing I've ever read, but it sits at a comfortable 12k words, making it a pretty short read and easy to recommend. My main flaws with it stem from this short word count, because there is a lot more that could be done. This was however done for a contest, something that makes me apperate it even more. The first thing I would like to discuss about this game is something that I think is important to any story, and that is character. I enjoyed the characters in this story. The main character in particular is intresting to me since she has elements of her past self, mixed in with her programming. This makes for an intresting dynamic. There is also Jared. I liked that he moved onto another person within the two years she was gone. It is very realistic, seeing as he looked for something to fill the void. I also like that he already got the new girl pregneant around the 1 year mark as that is filling another void in the form of his daughter that died where she died. Jared lost everything in that car crash, and had to move on. I also really like the protag's reaction to this, as from her perseptive witin a year he had already moved on enough to get another girl pregenant. Now the second thing I want to talk about is the branching. This is easily the worst thing about the game. The game is short, and there isn't that much branching going on, or at least it doesn't feel like there is. While there may have been six endings, it feels like there was room for so much more. The only path I wasn't a big fan of was the one where you tackled the military with Jared. I just didn't feel like it gelled well with the other paths. The path where you screw that one guy was funny though. I liked how he was outraged because he "fucked a plastic person." Now there are other things, but that is the main jist of my thoughts on the story. There were a few spelling errors here and there, but overall it was pretty good. I liked the writing, and I don't really see why it is rated so low. I'm torn between a 5 and a 6, but I think i'm going to have to give it a 6.

Serpent's Super Snazzy Ser-views on 7/14/2020 12:57:11 AM
34. http://chooseyourstory.com/story/aenigma-academy I'm not exactly sure how to feel about this game. On one hand it definitely has it's shortcomings. There are many of them, and I will go over them at length later. However there is something about it I just can't place. I'm going to try my best to articulate my thoughts on this story. For starters a lot of the writing, mostly the dialogue, feels… forced. I'm not sure the correct way to describe it but it doesn't feel natural at all. There are also things like how a malnourished thief living on the streets can accomplish the jungle obstacle course. It's not just that the protag can, most of the people at least make it through. That's bullshit, because by the sound of it it is something most people couldn't do even if they trained for it. Now about the three courses. The one I liked the least was the cipher training. I'm not sure what the author expected you to do here. Like I guess you could copy paste every code into decoders. What I personally did, and what I suspect many others did, is just click ever choice until it worked. The one thing I liked about this though is that seeing lorem ipsum made me laugh. It might be the thing I remember most about this game in the long run. The fighting one was pretty standard. Just descriptions about what happened. I enjoyed it. Not much else. Now my favorite one was the logic one. I really liked the puzzles. They were pretty standard, and were easy for me, but I still liked them. I will admit I just clicked through on the last one since that one would have involved me using a piece of paper. It was well designed though. The branching was pretty good. You have the intro, the three trainings, and the end. It is very much a branch and bottleneck. It is pretty good for what it is. In conclusion this story gets a 4/8. The main thing holding the story back is the quality of the writing. I liked the plot, I liked the branching, I just didn't like the writing itself and the polishing errors that happened like spelling and grammar. I think your writing will improve in time and you will write something pretty good. When that day comes I look forward to reading it.