Player Comments on new night

I'm so glad this story got unpublished.

THIS IS STUPID whoever made this is dumb gosh you should finish it

What..

Thank god the first page had an end game link..

Err...

Well, you could work on your grammar a little bit.

How is this not deleted?

Alright, now I kinda want this to stay on the site. While it is crap, it'll show people how not to make a storygame. Some people have no grasp for grammar, and actually gave this an 8... Another lesson from this story: Know how to rate a crappy story.

-_-

A clear troll game, otherwise why would there be an end game link on the first page? The account this was posted on has no activity whatsoever besides creating an account and creating, publishing and rating the piece of shit you call 'new night'. I call bull shit. Although, I have to say, still better than twilight.

Looking past the riduculous grammatical errors and the fact that this isn't even finished, your story is too cliche. "A young girl becomes a vampire and has to learn how to live with it" is too generic for me.
If you want to write a story that people will actually like, make sure it's interesting. Most importantly, it has to be complete. This, as it is, is no good.

This was just... Terrible. You suck at games. I'd stop making them at all if. I were you. Absolutely horrible. I hated every minute of it. You grammar makes you look like a three year old. Actually, worse. You haven't even been born yet, girl. Ugh. That story just wasted part of my life. You are terrible at writing games.

... What was that...

I would fix your grammar (ALOT) and fix the writing. No detail and absolutely no interesting bits. Also, you haven't finished. I would probably finish your story before posting.

If I were you, I'd take this down. Maybe permanently, unless you can do a MAJOR makeover on this thing.

(Third time I commented!) Well, I'll be a little nice in this one... Ah, fuck it. This is bad, and I hope that 3J makes an acception and deletes it early.

This is literally the worst piece of writing I have ever seen. Ever.

Also, you're really supposed to put the "End Game and Leave Comments" link at the end of each path. Neither of the paths has an endgame link.

I'm sorry, but WTF? What's gonna on here? I don't understand any of this, did you intend to publish this? I think I'm losing my shit because what I just read has surpassed my monthly amount of derp I can handle. I just don't know anything anymore, I'm lost now, fuck.

i love it

What brain operated by a dead hamster on a spinning wheel came up with this atrocity against mankind?

Wow i thought my dreams which i hardly remembered were bad when i wrote them.

2/8 1+ For first story.

Um... All I need to say is SHORT so short there isn't really anything else to say about it!

I think my brain just melted after reading this. By the site policies, hopefully this can get deleted, so I'm not going to get into large detail.

Hopefully this author picks up a dictionary or something because, see, if the author ever decides to publish/write anything ever again, this spelling isn't going to cut it. The writing was terrible, no capitalization, run-on sentences everywhere, reeked punctuation, and the worst part was the "short" versions of words the author was using, ex. you/u are/r etc. This isn't texting with your friends, no, this is story-reading site, in which people write literature. Do you know what that means? It means you have to make sure your grammar is at its best, and god-forbid you ever even CONSIDER using shorten versions. It just seems you're being lazy, or maybe this is your first time writing something like this, but you have to actually write out the long versions of words.

Other than that the story had, like, no plot, no official story, and I mean come on, no initial premise either. I think you were trying to drive some sort of Twilight fanfic, judging by the references, but that's all I really know about this. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but I swear I had no idea what was going on. Why? Because the run-on sentences were everywhere. Here is an example from the actual description:

"your name is bella and your young and just started your life but will all of that change after one night out when your turned into a vampire but will your past discover something"

As you can see here this what is known as "run-on" sentences, which mean little or no punctuation, including periods, and (usually) too much use of the word "and". I literally had to read this description over twice and I still can't clarify what it's telling me, exactly.

Dear Author, please, just try to improve yourself before hoping to earn my/anyone's approval on a site like this one.

1/8.

I accuse a lot of games of having no story, but this one, I'm afraid, has literally no story. You wake up in a strange club, hear someone's heartbeat, and drink all their blood? So, are you a vampire? A cannibal? What? A bunch of random blurbs of text hardly make a story. If you want people to take your writing seriously, it would benefit you to better define the setting of the story, who or what the character is, and what is going on in the story. I am afraid, though, that this game, in its current state, is just absolutely horrid. 1/8.

I have never laughed so hard at a storygame.

But seriously, this is an affront to the English language. Not to mention the "text talk" that riddles your four page masterpiece, but through poor punctuation, and a staggering lack of capitolization.

"u can't help it u just drink all her blood"

Seriously? It saddens me that that is a real quote. You have took a steaming pile of SHIT on our website.

This is worse than Warrior Cats: An Epic Adventure. And that's saying something.

The fact that you didn't capitolize SHIT just pisses me off. Not to mention the one sentence, NAY madam! These don't deserve to be called sentences. These are fragments, of phrases.

I rated it one out of eight for a reason. I want you to stay far, far away from this website.

And take your abominable fan fiction with you.

Why did I bother writing this... you probably don't have enough grasp of English to read this far, judging by your substandard writing.

I hope this is just trolling. I sincerely do. Otherwise, this is a dire prophesy of what the next generation is going to write.

I take pleasure in the fact that this is going to be deleted, in seven days. Or maybe JJJ-thebanisher makes an exception, and deletes it early. I've never seen 1's across the board.

You, miss, have defiled the choose-your-own-adventure genre, spat on yourself, and ashamed us all.

Do you understand why it's going to get deleted? I don't think so. But Piggeh Town needs a companion, in the land of deletion.

Also, I would rather Warrior Cats than this Twilight bullshit. I hope this doesn't become a trend.

I'm going to wait a little until I'm less pissed off to comment.

No, on second thought, I'm already putting more effort into this comment than you put into this storygame, so I can be as pissed off as I want. Part of me wants assume that you're very young, but even that doesn't excuse this story for being this terrible. I don't even know where to start pointing out how many things are wrong with it, because I wouldn't be able to point out what you're doing right even if I tried. Every link leads to a dead end. You have no concept of grammar or spelling. Punctuation is almost nonexistent. One page reads like a horrible 3 AM drunk text. This entire storygame is FIVE PAGES, including the very first page, and there is no semblance of coherence or progression of the plot between one page and another. I really hope that this game exists as an attempt to troll us, because I fear for the future of the English language if this was a sincere attempt.

To be fair, the story summary, with its lack of capitalization and punctuation, should have tipped me off that this wasn't exactly going to be a masterpiece, especially since it's premise is essentially a Twilight fanfiction. Yet this storygame managed to far exceed my expectations for how bad it turned out to be.

If you honestly wanted to make a storygame, get someone to proofread. Anyone. Even an elementary schooler should be more literate than this.

1/8.

what the flip!!!!

No real effort put into this at all. It's got an incoherent plot, poor grammar and punctuation and is clearly incomplete. Nowhere near enough detail either. Please do the community a favour by not publishing unfinished storygames.

Did you really think this was a finished story? The first part has clearly been copied from your PM's and you didn't change the font, we are left with a story with multiple fonts. Both choices lead to dead ends and the grammar was atrocious. The story itself, what there is of it, made absolutely no sense.

Tis the most atrocious pile of excrement that doust ever give such displeasure to my eyes. Shant you another abomination of the English language in your time. And dare I say may you never again touch pen, pencil, or key. Foreth the world may be spared the atrocities that may come forth from such a distasteful display of utter garbage. How dare you publish such filth? How dare you!

And good day to you sir or madam.

I'm with coins on this one. Even Goomba Village was better than this.

Were you sleep typing?

What the crap is THIS steaming pile?