Player Comments on Of Ruin
The first page, at least in appearance, starts out the story well. There is actual text there and not just a one-line description with choices. I certainly do appreciate the different options here, because when you see a CYOA without options, well, that’s not really a CYOA, is it?
That said, the wording on the first page is a little difficult to follow. There is passive tense, active tense, and some tenses I can’t quite correctly identify. The imagery is interesting as I can see it’s trying to paint a picture of mystery and unknown, but there is so little known there, it’s like you’re painting a picture of a blank white canvas. I feel like Homer Simpson when he got trapped in a world of nothing but plain whiteness.
The story continues along that vein with the universe “looking” at me. Perhaps that’s a little too abstract there because if the universe is looking at me, then where I am? I can’t be in the universe. But yes, this is a very, very short story. I’m not sure if it could really be effectively expanded just because there is so little here and it is so abstract. But well, at least there are different endings…
on 7/18/2018 1:06:26 PM with a score of 0
So... It's supposed to be a poetic story about the destruction of the human civilization. I am not a poet, nor have I ever liked searching for deeper meaning in sentences, but here we go:
Short. It's short. I understood that humanity probably killed itself, but I didn't understand anything else. Again, it could be to the fact that I don't like cryptic poems and that, so I'll give you the highest rating I find appropriate:
4/8, though I think a 3/8 would be more suitable.
I also see that your other story was the same thing. I don't think people around here like these kind of things, so maybe you should focus on writing longer stories with plots that involve characters and character development...
:) Happy Writing
on 11/27/2015 6:04:34 AM with a score of 0
The first page is poorly spaced and the first sentence doesn't really make any sense, neither do a few others on that same page. I guess you're trying to wax poetic about an existential crisis, but do keep in mind that good poetry tends to have a clear meaning. Your objective should be to (ultimately) enlighten, not confuse.
There's the odd error here and there, nothing too distracting, and I do enjoy the concept of being the lone being left in an empty world or universe, but... I dunno. I kind of like this, but I think it could've benefited from some fine-tuning and the endings where you speak to the universe--while attempting to be deep--miss the mark.
I was also expecting some kind of explanation for what the MC is and why they're in this position, and it's never provided.
It's hinted at that they were probably human or a human-like being at one point, but they obviously aren't now, if they can wander the universe at their leisure and were the only surviving being from some... catastrophe, maybe? It seemed like a mystery that we, as the readers, never solved.
It has seven endings in total from what I read, and that's a lot for a short story, so I appreciate that the choices make a difference; I just find myself wanting more detail and clarity.
on 11/24/2015 5:00:29 PM with a score of 0
This was complete garbage I wrote with no intention of making sense. I just tried to sound existential. But I'm sure you all knew that lol.
on 1/6/2019 5:35:23 AM with a score of 0
I think this has potential. It's a good concept but would have been better if the story was further developed.
on 6/24/2017 9:15:12 PM with a score of 0
It was short and sweet, but didn't have much backstory, and wasn't very long.
on 12/22/2016 10:46:43 PM with a score of 0
i was satisfied with what i have done... okay... but it was a really nice story! combined with the music... i liked it!
on 7/6/2016 5:27:11 PM with a score of 0
I found the true ending. Great story.
-- Eric on 12/17/2015 3:34:42 PM with a score of 0
Hmmm... I'm left confused. What did I just play, or read to be more accurate? Was it far too poetic and enlightening for a stupid man like me? Perhaps. Perhaps it was nonsense. I don't know.
Other than that, too short and not a lot of sense, but ultimately enjoyable.
on 12/16/2015 11:11:56 AM with a score of 0
Not a bad story, but defintly more story than game. I was hoping for a puzzle of some kind though. But all the detail was great, a perfect little five minet game.
on 12/9/2015 12:15:45 PM with a score of 0
Description is longer than the actual story.
on 12/7/2015 12:43:29 PM with a score of 0
Fascinating work. Well done.
on 11/28/2015 7:11:32 PM with a score of 0
Read it again.
on 11/26/2015 8:17:56 PM with a score of 0
I wonder why, but I rated 8. It's so, poetic...that it's not...?
on 11/26/2015 8:15:03 PM with a score of 0
I um... no words :I. What even is this game? 1/8. Next game you make, it should actually make sense. I guess there is a life lesson, but not to fun
on 11/24/2015 7:35:29 PM with a score of 0
Short, weird, and cool. 5/8
on 11/24/2015 3:21:30 PM with a score of 0
I don't understand this story at all. The beginning was the most confusing part of the story. Although the beginning was quite confusing, I do applaud the detail. The back story of the story was very intense. The story was short. I think It could have been a bit more longer. Next time you make a story please add more understanding to it. If there was more detail and more understanding then I would rate this story 8 out of 8. Keep writing!
on 11/24/2015 2:42:47 PM with a score of 0