Steve24833, The Expert Scrivener

Member Since

3/6/2015

Last Activity

12/4/2019 6:00 PM

EXP Points

2,765

Post Count

5189

Storygame Count

15

Duel Stats

22 wins / 19 losses

Order

Ordained Sage Exemplar

Commendations

902

Hi, I'm Steve, pleasure to meet you. I'm an admittedly brash, narcissistic Irish college student who has wandered onto the internet to have some craic and write something. Feel free to check out my games listed down below, I hope you enjoy them.

Anyhow, read my work, or yell at me, or search through my points to see what I've done if you're weird and value that as a use of your time.

 

Quotes

"STEVE is the cause of my anger." The Final Brennon

"Steve is a loudmouthed piece of dogshit but we should pity him, life must not be easy for an inbred ginger freak who has to lash out on an internet forum whenever the constant wanking while crying with repressed Catholic guilt because be can't decide whether he likes dicks or tits (because his sister has both) all just becomes too much. His writing is shittier than anyone will admit and I hate him more than anyone in this site." Mizal.

"He's a half-fag degenerate who hates America." Endmaster

"People who quote themselves are retards." Steve24833

"Steve is degenerate filth and an embarrassment to the human race." Axiom

"Steve is undialectical trash and belongs in a gulag." Malkalack

"Steve has made me question every belief I have held up until now about the inherent goodness of people." Will11

"Steve, you have a puny brain and the attention span of a retarded child." JJJ-thebanisher

"Steve is the site's Down Syndrome baby that we all wish we had aborted long ago, but it's too late now, though he is mildly endearing in a drooling retard sort of way." BerkaZerka

"Here you are, throwing insults like a toddler with a dictionary." RoyalGhost_007

"You might be (the greatest writer of all motherfucking time)." Mayana

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Earning 2,000 Points Won 2016 Contest for new School-based Storygames Having 4 Storygame(s) Featured Rated 62.9% of all Stories Given by BerkaZerka on 11/11/2018 - BZ's Creatures of The Night Winner (tie with mizal) Given by EndMaster on 02/09/2016 - For continual output of quality stories. Given by JJJ-thebanisher on 03/05/2017 - Because you work hard and contribute a lot and deserve nice things Given by Will11 on 01/15/2017 - For your countless fantastic stories

Storygames

Featured Story Achilles
coauthor

Take control of General Achilles, a human General trying to lead the human fleet to prosperity through politics and military means, while dealing with keeping humanity and it's allies together, dealing with a barbaric race of raiders and a powerful alien alliance. Will humanity crush it's enemies under it's boots? Will you form a peaceful coalition between all species? Or will you become humanity's downfall?

This is my first game, which I made with the help of Steve24833. I really hope you enjoy it. Please comment on any bugs, mistakes or other screw-ups I made. 

Hey, the sequel's here, Achilles II: The Chykri. Enjoy it!


Achilles II: The Chykri
coauthor

Play as Achilles, the leader of the new Coalition of humans, aliens and machines, to combat a new threat: The Chykri. Attempt to keep the Coalition together and fight not only to win, but to survive.

This is a sequel to our previous game, Achilles. We hope you enjoy it. Please rate and comment. Unless you don't like it, in which case just grumble to yourself about how this one isn't as good as the first. Thanks.

EDIT: Had to do some light work. Changed it so surrendering to Chykri grants alternative final chapter instead of sending back to start, checked grammar, changed a few more mistakes. Please message me or Steve if you find any bugs.


Among the Trees

Take control of Jacob, a young settler in New England in the late 17th Century. A tale of romance, horror and strange supernatural creatures awaits you in the odd and interesting woods that surround your home.

Well, this is just a short little romance-horror thing I made in three days to distract me from other projects. I hope you enjoy!


Blooded

Take control of Samuel, a young man thrust into a world of bloodthirsty creatures of the night, howling beasts cursed by the moon, horrifying demons and worse.

This is our entry for Bucky's 2016 Halloween Contest. Enjoy!


Dawnwood

Take control of a teenager moving to Dawnwood, a boring town deep in the south in the middle of nowhere. Still, the town holds many deep and dark secrets, many of which you will uncover soon...


Featured Story Fear the Psyker

Take control of Karth, a child with incredible powers born into a simple tribe on a feral world, as your life is torn apart by the arrival of the forces of Chaos. Fall into line as an obedient-slave soldier and fulfil your role as a trained killer, rise up against beings of pure hate and malice to try gain your freedom, or simply try to survive in a galaxy of horrors.

Well, I tried to write a Fanfiction based on Warhammer 40'000. If you're not familar with the series, don't worry, you don't need to be to play this. I hope you enjoy!


Featured Story In the Pale Moonlight

There are men in this world who were born to have the weight of the world on their shoulders, to have the horrors of the night carved into their souls, to see what shouldn't be seen and to defeat it. You are one of those men. You are a Hunter.

There are dark things that plague the night, things beyond what any soul should have to deal with. Things made from darkness and nightmares, things that feed upon the blood and flesh of the innocent, things that rule the night and loathe the living. These are your prey.

It is the night of your thirteenth hunt. It is time for you to take up your arms and to do what needs to be done, and make sure it's safe to walk at night once more.

This is an entry for the Creatures of the Night contest. There's thirteen endings to find, so good luck finding them. Thanks for playing, and above all, enjoy!


Mazkil

Take control of a young, aggressive Orc named Mazkil, of the Tribe the Red Blades, in his attempt to make his way in the world. Become an honored Chieftain of your tribe or become a feared Soldier for the Kingdom of Man.

Please comment and rate, tell me if you find any bugs. Enjoy!


Featured Story Prometheus Academy

Take control of Mia, a student at Prometheus Academy, a school designed for creating super-soldiers, trained killers, unstoppable super-humans, skilled secret agents and above all, super-villains, and get revenge against the Crimson Cape, a super who's taken everything from you. 

This is the winner of the 2016 School-based Contest, so yay! Thanks to all who voted. I hope you all enjoy it.


Prophecy

There is a prophecy that one day, the barrier between reality and that which lies beyond will weaken. That day the great Mol'Chu will come forth, for it has its infinite eyes set upon this realm. It will drive all creatures to the realms of insanity and torment. However, the prophecy also tells of a great hero who will rise up, and the fate of the world will lie in his hands.

You are not that hero. You are a Ratling, your blood as weak as can be, your lineage one of thieves and cowards. Still, with your path there's a chance for betterment. You might be able to lift yourself up and find yourself some power in this world. Power you will wield. 

Thanks to WouldntItBeNice for beta-reading this, he was a great help. This is my longest storygame so far and I've decided to delve into some fantasy again. Anyhow, I hope you all enjoy!


Featured Story Saoirse

It is 1914. With fears of a war with Germany finally coming to pass, the British Empire has been plunged into war. While the Great War rages on, there is a resurgence of the Irish Independence movement, as the Irish people rise up to take advantage of the times to claim their freedom. You'll be taking the role Michael McCarthy, a young man in such a troubled and turmoil-filled time. Take part in the 1916 Rising, the War of Independence and the Treaty War as brother is pitted against brother, friend against friend and father against son, as a country at war with itself is torn apart.

Well, seeing as it's been 102 years since the 1916 Easter Rising, I'd say an Edutainment game is appropriate to tell the story of the Irish struggle for independence. For the purposes of narrative and to allow choice, your character is a fictional one and at certain points will replace roles done by other men in real life to facilitate the narrative and to allow for choice and interaction, so that you'll be able to see and play a role in key events throughout the period. Enjoy!


The Nightmare Realm

Take control of James, a young boy who has suffered from horrific nightmares all his life that seem to be far more real than anyone else thinks, their effects seeping into the real world as your entire life becomes a nightmare. Try to stay sane throughout your miserable existence, while trying to end this curse and find some way to stop this hell.

Well, it's Halloween, and I haven't written anything in a while, so before your old Irish feen goes out and about on sesh, I thought I'd publish this. Enjoy!


The Only Lights in the Darkness are Flames

Take control of four members of SWAT in Tijuana raid a large, ancient mansion inhabited by the Espada de Dios, a Satanist cult that's kidnapped several people. Switch between these members as they stumble upon a horrific scene of horror, gore and perhaps something much worse...

This is my second horror story, a short little game I made just to help with Writers' Block on my larger games. Thanks to MasonJarGuzzi for proofreading. Enjoy!


The Path of Death

Take control of Dagden, a small Orc child taken from his family and taken prisoner in Reaper Castle under the control of the Grand Necromancer, before making friends with his daughter Blaise and choosing how to make your mark in the world.

This is my spin-off to Mazkil, except better, longer and with more things you like and less things you don't like, whatever they may be. Somehow, I've appealed to everyone! I'd like to thank the OKish Mizal for beta-reading and helping me sort through this storygame and make it readable, she was a fantastic help. Please rate, comment and tell me if you find any bugs. Thanks, and enjoy!


Warped

Take control of Karth, a young, powerful Psyker who has managed to lead a slave army to take over a massive battleship, and now has the whole galaxy at the tip of his fingers. Embrace the gifts of the Dark Gods and all the power and corruption it brings, sell your services to the highest bidder, take to the stars as a feared raider and pirate or try to find a peaceful existence among the dark and cruel stars. As the anarchic and terrifying Kaam the Prophet, loyal servant of Malice, rises up in the galaxy with a bloodlust for psykers and servants of the Warp, attempt to take down the champion of a destructive God that seeks to tear the galaxy apart.

This is a sequel to Fear the Psyker. It's my longest story yet and it has a lot of variables, so if, or more accurately, when you encounter any bugs, please do send them on, and I'll try my best to fix them. Also, the Score variable doesn't have anything to do with success, it's just a few variables to tell me what various choices commentators made and what endings they got.

Thanks to Seto and DiniTheWizard for beta-reading this! Anyhow, enjoy!


Draconic
unpublished

The Draconic creatures once ruled the realm with an iron claw, gods among men. The brutal and animalistic Wyverns hunted as they pleased, the honored and fierce Lizardmen spread across the lands and growing to the billions, the Dragonborn built civilizations of incredible size and discovered magic and technology beyond man's wildest dreams, with the true Dragons lived as gods turned to flesh and bone. 

You are none of these powerful creatures. You are a Kobold.

Your species is one of servants, of pawns, of grunts, of disposable warriors that live and die according the will of your dragon masters, lacking the strength, the speed, the magic, the power or even the size bestowed by the Gods to the rest of the Draconic races, surviving only by wits and numbers.

Now, as the dying embers of the once-great draconic races, your tribe is facing extinction at the hands of the young races. You won't let the Draconic flame be snuffed out with you. No, you shall ensure that the world witnesses the flames of your glory, flames that only your kind can create.

You will prove you are truly Draconic.


Articles Written

Villain Protagonists
An article about how to write a villain protagonist that's evil and dark, while still being lovable and someone we want to support in their struggle.

Recent Posts

Noob Census - Earn pointless points! on 12/4/2019 5:07:56 PM

If my mum taught me anything, it's never put yourself on a watchlist.


Noob Census - Earn pointless points! on 12/4/2019 5:00:06 PM

Cheers.


Chapter 1: The She-Demon on 11/24/2019 10:13:25 AM

It's definitely really, really relevant.

Like, the fact that the country is only beginning isn't relevant. The King could die at any point, and people are going to want that power when he does. This can't just be something you ignore as a story element. 

Like, if the MC isn't in line for the throne, then you definitely need to confirm that to avoid the resulting plot holes from people questioning who will take over as king.

You don't have to focus on the politics, but not even considering who is next in line for the throne and what that would mean for the MC is really relevant. Of course that's going to be important to her as a character. Does she desire power? Is she loyal to her father, or the crown? Does she fear being disposed of if her father dies? These are really relevant character points for a character who, at this point, doesn't have much going for her besides "Loyal and violent".


Chapter 1: The She-Demon on 11/24/2019 9:35:11 AM

I mean, it's a pretty huge difference, not really a trivial thing.

If you don't have agnatic succession, then it raises a lot of plot holes. Why is the only heir being sent into dangerous battles entirely by herself? Why is her life being risked like that? 

If it does, it leads to the question of why women are discriminated against when they're so favoured for combat, and it adds a lot of questions about who is next for the throne.


Chapter 1: The She-Demon on 11/23/2019 7:05:44 PM

Well if the protagonist is her only child, does the kingdom use agnatic succession, or what sort of thing?


Chapter 1: The She-Demon on 11/23/2019 6:47:10 PM

Read the whole thing, few things I want to touch on. 

In regard to another I saw, I actually don't agree. AYT mentioned that the daughter shouldn't be her father's sword and should be a princess or something, but that's just necessarily true. I mean, the question sort of hangs on whether you're using agnatic succession for this realm. 

If so, you're golden. If not, I'd consider some minor revisions. Having the daughter be a daughter in the sense of "She was created by this man, so he is her father" works a lot better. Her birth parents don't matter, she is nothing more than a weapon, created by a Father. 

As to the criticism that the character's a cunt, I don't really see that as a criticism. I mean, it's intended, and villain protagonists are pretty common here.

However, the whole "She's a cunt thing" plays into the biggest criticism I've seen here, and one I wholeheartedly agree with. She's boring. Like, since she's pretty much just a living weapon, she obviously doesn't have much going on besides the whole "war" thing, which means that she's pretty boring to follow. This is made worse given the fact that the battle scenes just aren't interesting because of how powerful she is. I mean, battles aren't interesting when they're so insanely one-sided, and when so much of your story focuses on these battles because that's all this girl does, it's just bland. 

I mean, it's pretty much just like ticking off boxes. There's X number of men, you write her doing X number of killing moves with a few lines showcasing how terrified everyone is, and that's it for every battle scene. There's just absolutely zero suspsense, and if you take out the suspense of battle, it's no different from any mundane task.

If I was you, I wouldn't write any combat. It's not interesting at all, and even at it's best, combat is always a bit boring to read about, plus you don't like writing it. Given that this character is a powerful weapon, why not write it so that when she goes into combat, it's just a pure blood rage. I mean, she goes into combat, next thing she knows, she's coming to her senses again after murdering the enemy. It would help get over a lot of issues, and I think it adds an interesting element to her as a character that could keep the audience tided over until the character development starts.

Another thing that particularly annoyed me was the line about the daughter not even knowing what honour is. I mean, that's just stupid.

I mean, numerous plot points arise from that. First, I mean, how is it the daughter has no honour? I see that she has very little of what we consider honourable, but has she not been taught all her life that she should be loyal? If so, she still has some degree of honour. If not... well, why hasn't she just taken over?

Next, I find it pretty hard to believe the king wouldn't teach her about what honour is. I mean, understanding the enemy is a huge part of combat, and honour affects how people act a great deal. Given the King has a dangerous neighbour that highly values honour, she should absolutely be aware of how honour works and how to exploit it.

And even more so, how is it she's never came across the concept of honour anywhere? Like, it's just so insane the idea that these people not only have no concept like honor at all, but that it's never discussed or understood even by veteran soldiers who no doubt would've had no education.

Like, I see what you were trying to do there, it was the whole "These people are so evil they don't even know what honour is". But it just doesn't really work.

Which, actually, brings me to this entire nation. The whole nation just seems to be "evil", and all characters involved certainly are. I love evil, I think it's fascinating to delve into what motivates it, but this seems to be a pretty bland take on it. Like, I get that daughter's just been raised this way, but the king just seems to be "EVIL" as his main character trait, rather than having interesting character traits that lead him to do evil things. There's a big difference, and it's the difference between "Realistic, interesting character" and just loudly yelling at the audience "YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE THIS CHARACTER! YOU SHOULD ROOT FOR HIS DESTRUCTION!"

Anyhow, I could do the whole compiment sandwich thing, but you no doubt know your writing's of a high quality and competently written, so I have no desire to toot your horn. Just thought I'd share my musings. 


Death to Anez on 11/16/2019 7:43:34 PM

Coins, you've supported nazis and fucking Bolsonaro. Your opinion on right-wing takeovers isn't important. 


Taco Loco's Special on Dysphoria on 10/29/2019 8:58:22 AM

Emphasis on the fags, am I right?

Because you're a faggot.

Ha, comedy gold, that.


100 Words or Less on 10/29/2019 8:53:20 AM

100 Words.

I am burning.

"Witch!"

"Heretic!"

Flesh chars. Bone blackens. 

I am burning. 

The sickness first feasted upon the young, but all flesh soon suffered. While the people prayed, I worked, synthesized, tested. Soon, I could offer them hope, yet all they saw was heresy.

I am burning. I realize I'm screaming. As my angers rises, so do the flames. The screaming turns to unhallowed laughter, as the crowd is consumed in the rising inferno. Consumed in pain. In terror. In panic. In fear. In justice. Beautiful, agonizing justice.

I am burning. And in my fury, we shall all burn together.


Life as it is on 10/25/2019 1:38:13 PM

Yeah, life gets busier as you grow older and more shit needs to get done. I know the issue well, I've like no freetime anymore.