Player Comments on The Broken Plane

Pages are long, with little grammar/spelling errors. But, their is basically no plot. You didn't really know much about anything or anyone.

3/8. There's potential in your writing, but it needs much more.

Constructive feedback:
Introduce your characters slower, in more detail. Expand on everything. Create a customisable character name (like in Homo Perfectus 8) or make up a name rather than writing "your name" - it looks a little sloppy.

Otherwise, it looks like you're well on your way to creating a full story. Best of luck for the future :)

Good page length but bad storyline and way too short. 2/8

Why is this school-based? Also, it's too short.

"(This is just an intro to a larger story)."

So it's basically a demo. Instant 1/8.

Intriguing premise but there is a focus on insignificant speech while more interesting things like what exactly the lost city is, details of how we fixed the plain and a bit more general information on the other characters (who at the moment are just a bunch of names to me) is needed.

Speech needs to be put on a separate line to the main story and as a self-contained intro about fixing a broken plane it is ok but as LeoScales says you can't publish a story game that might wind up being 100 pages long 5 or 6 pages at a time. I'm also puzzled how this is a School Based Story?

Regardless of whether or not this is an introduction, the story will have to receive a 2/8 in its current condition.

For starters, the story is indeed very short, and only provides a limited amount of choices. Therefore, it cannot even be called a CYOA at the present time.

Secondly, from the amount of description and dialogue you managed to put it (which saved the story from a 1/8), was not terrible, but formatted incorrectly. When you have breaks between dialogue and description sections of your writing, always be sure to space them out. It makes the story look more organized and easier to read (for you, me, and the rest of the readers).

Thirdly, you and other writers should refrain from putting demos of stories in any other place than the Writer's Workshop. That is one of the very reasons why the very forum page exists: to share your story and get some feedback. To avoid that and put an unfinished story into publishing, which may or may not have a guaranteed sequel, only succeeds in cluttering the site, and wasting all of our energy.

I do not intend to discourage you from writing, but just to give a heads-up. Keep those things in mind, and hopefully, you'll keep working to finish!

Too. Short.