Player Comments on The last day in the museum
So was the point of the story simply a tour through the museum? In that case, you'll NEED more description. Because there is no plot or purpose (except guard), and after three or so clicks you can die, the storygame is pointless unless it's to entertain with a tour. Even in this case, readers still prefer a stimulating plotline and action over facts (which in THAT case would cause this storygame to be put into "Edutainment").
Otherwise, please make some sort of plot. There should be an inciting moment and climax and a reasonable resolution at the right times. Spend more time with descriptions.
Work on your punctuation and grammar. Those mistakes caught me off guard.
Overall, you have a nice idea, but you didn't execute it very well.
on 12/8/2016 10:40:38 PM with a score of 0
There was a good variety in the options but the wold story was only about 3 pages long. It is better to have a few story branches than a lot that ends the story fast, also as others have mentioned the writing needs some work. You need to develop a plot beyond the basic to make a good story, the more time you spend on a story the better it will be :)
on 3/14/2015 4:51:37 AM with a score of 0
I died after just two clicks. :(
-- Kate on 5/21/2016 6:21:40 PM with a score of 0
Why?-IDK, errors mainly, I guess I was just hoping for more.
on 8/31/2015 7:10:57 PM with a score of 0
It sucked for me every time is picked one thing died picked another died I don't think it wants to cooperate with me.
I'm not trying to be mean but don't make us die everytime.
-- Kitkatkate10 on 4/7/2015 7:15:36 AM with a score of 0
It was a very bad, and the grammar was terrible. But, it wasn't the worst story in the world, so you get a 2/8.
on 3/14/2015 3:56:50 AM with a score of 0
I can just bet that your 'English is not my first language' thing is false. IF you even said that, I can say that you can make it better. Sorry, but bad try.
on 3/13/2015 11:31:16 PM with a score of 0
The grammar was terrible, and some words were misspelt. This could have been a good, fun story, but was ruined by grammar and spelling mistakes.
on 3/13/2015 10:57:30 PM with a score of 0