Player Comments on The Missing Kid

"Episode two will come soon."

Please don't write episode two. At least, not if it looks exactly like episode one.

I have nothing positive to say here aside that you managed to write some length, and that something happened in the story, which is more than I say for some. I don't know what happened, however, because I couldn't actually read more than a page before hundreds of my brain cells withered away and died.

To prevent the tragedy of creating another of these appalling works of gargantuan suckitude, please have someone proof-read this first. Anyone. Show it to anyone else first. Your mum, your friend, some poor reviewer on this site, anyone. Let them tell you that it's 100% okay for the rest of the world to see before submitting it.

Don't show it to me, though. I'm not suffering through this again. Reading this makes me want to rewrite the whole thing so that it's at least legible.

At least put in spaces between your full stops and commas! I thought you had a formatting problem or something. This just gave me a headache. Again, please have someone look through your writing before you submit it.

Attempted to actually sit down and read this line by line now and could not stop laughing. The 'job interview' on the first page alone, holy shit. I...I don't think being a police officer works the way the author thinks it does, for one thing. One of many things.

The author may also be really confused as to what drugs are, what they do, and how they work.

Anyway I highly recommend taking the time to work through this and really make an effort to process the ideas being expressed. It is incredibly rewarding. I'm almost tempted to up my rating now because we're going to lose a great treasure when this gets removed.

Don't just ignore people's advice. This had the same flaws as the last story you posted but in larger quantity.

1/8.

So the advice given on the last story was completely ignored I see.

This is an unreadable mess with barely any choices (and none that matter), and I question why it was even published when she's obviously aware of that and said so in the story. And the punctuation disaster is inexcusable either way. (I'd almost wonder whether she and MilleniumDawn were the same person...)

Rated one and moving on. Please stop wasting our time.

For Pete's sake, please use correct grammar when writing. It's annoyingly strenuous to decifer what in the heck you're saying. Also, have at least one choice that leads to a diff rent outcome. This is a CYOA site after all. (Please note the C.)