Player Comments on ~Tainted Souls~

There weren't any spelling mistakes I could find, but the tenses were constantly switched. Maybe try to stick to either present or past tense when writing.

There were barely any choices. I feel like you could have included more of those, as this is meant to be a choose your story type.

Also, it feels like you could have done more research. Nobles wouldn't be accepting marriages from poor people just because. It's also not very likely that they would be walking long distances on foot. Not to mention the poor man had no reason to defy a noble who could get rid of him easily if she wanted.

There were also some parts that seemed a bit illogical. At one point, you wrote that she was wanted by all men but then you wrote that this was the first time a man confessed to her.

All in all, the idea was nice for a love story but it could have been thought out more and perhaps made a little longer so the reader can truly feel something from it.

Okay, many things to uncover with this story. First, the description is very misleading. It says you play as a girl in the 13th century, and it is put under fantasy. It is not fantasy since it is happening in the real-world history, but I can look past that. However, I would have put it under romance since that is what it mostly is. The premise was interesting, and many things could have been done with it, but I found it the ending to be very underwhelming.

It was written in a very fairy tale-like way, which is nice, but with most of these fairy tales, there is something to be learned from each of them. In this story there is nothing learned other than (SPOILERS) If someone cheats on you, you should just cry and be sad and not fight and overcome it at all and grow as a person.

Seeing as the story was more of a fairy tale I didn't expect to get much character or character development, but some kind of personality would have been nice to give the girl other than being spoiled, and I think this story would have been better if you experimented with that fact that the girl thinks that only poor people get the plague. You could have had played make choices to avoid the plague or choices that cause the plague.

The writing was fine, it wasn't amazing but nothing that I would get mad over. I did think that it was a little boring and nothing really important happened. As someone who went in expecting a lot from the story, it sadly did not deliver. There could be much that you can do in something set in the period, and someone cheating feels like you can put anywhere and it would have the same effect.

This did not feel like a story game, at the end the choices either went to the same ending and the same path, or the choice ended up with an extreme.

I can see why people might enjoy the story, but it wasn't my cup of tea. If the character of the girl had grown from what she had seen and became stronger and changed, I think I would have liked it a lot more.

~ Cheers.

This was a nice setup and preparation for a story. I get what you’re trying to do on the first page, but it seems rather staccato. You can really made some good effects with short, choppy sentences, but trying to describe the beauty of a girl doesn’t really work for that sort of writing. There’s also a couple of sentence fragments on that first page. I’m also not sure that describing her beauty after mentioning she was the richest girl in town makes sense as well. Were you trying to imply that she was rich because she was pretty? Or did she have a lot of money and also happen to be beautiful?

On the crush page, I wonder if this couldn’t be developed a little more. A little more detail and description could go a long way here. The sentence with “kind:” did that mean no one had ever been kind to her in her entire life? That doesn’t seem likely since she was both rich and beautiful. Did it mean that this was the first time her heart skipped a beat? I’m not sure that makes sense. I’d describe that another way rather than trying to say it was the first time her heart had ever skipped a beat. Maybe even just saying it did skip a beat would be enough!

She met him, she wanted him, BAM, they’re married. Well, that was rather quick, wasn’t it? And again with all the firsts. If these were really first times, I think would it be more powerful if there were more descriptions ahead of time that kind of showed that. Maybe her seeing other people happy and in love and wishing she had what they had and that sort of thing.

I’m not sure what happened in the latter part of the story. They were married. She was rich. But it seemed like they didn’t live together? I’m not sure why, especially since she was rich and there was this huge wedding. And she’s still called a “young girl” throughout the story, even after she’d been married?

I think this has a lot of potential, but I think it could have a lot more detail to make it a much more effective story. There are a few grammar errors here and there throughout the story that would improve it a lot, too. It is a nice idea for a story and really could be so much more!

Why did the husband kill the girl? why is the tittle Tainted Souls? I think it is rather perplexing. Do you not think the same

It was not that good, really.
The grammar was great, and so was the description. But there were only 1 to 2 options which affects the story... too... much. Also, yeah, people could be that pretty, but you just see a man, and then you marry him without dating, then he cheats on you and the story ends. What's the point in this story? Does this make sense? Also... is this even fantasy? More love/romance like.
Should have put more effort in thinking about the storyline. Rated 3/8

I purposely searched for a low rated story

Can't say I'm disappointed because its what I expected

2/8

This is an all-round bruv moment. I giggled.

i liked the story, it was very interesting.

very short, but it's worth it, I'll try another senario, thanks anyway

This was just meh.

Not badly written, but short and confusing...

way to short. not anough choices.

I loved it! It was short but great! I am not into history but this changed my mind. Heehee

Needs a little fleshing out, but other than that, it's an awesome story! Well done!

Pretty good work there. You shouldn't rush these things. I like the style of your writing, but you need to give it more time. It's a skill that is to be cultivated. I would unpublish and give it some more work.

would've liked to know the girl's name...
gr8 game though

Remindx me of a fairytail... a creepy fairytail

Nice but I wont give it more than 4 since it is a one way

nice.
all the endings were great

i like how there was no real happy ending. too many stories are obsessed with shoehorn in in a "win" option so i like how this was against the norm.

i like how there was no real happy ending. too many stories are obsessed with shoehorn in in a "win" option so i like how this was against the norm.

The writing is decent in a dreamy storybook sort of way and engaging enough that I went through every ending just to see how they all played out. Its length is appropriate for a hallmark greeting card and the story sort of reads like one (if they were written to instill the depths of sorrow and torment). I also like that it is a shameless tragedy, which I feel works well for it in this particular case.

I like it. Poor girl.
Three Keys was better though.

First comment! It's good, but short. Kinda depressing.