ugilick, The Apprentice Scrivener

Member Since

2/28/2011

Last Activity

4/19/2021 11:15 PM

EXP Points

1,616

Post Count

3840

Storygame Count

0

Duel Stats

93 wins / 53 losses

Order

Marauder

Commendations

39

Hello there.

I'm total garbage. Look somewhere else.

 

I am currently here: Click
 

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Given by BerkaZerka on 01/09/2017 - In memorial of some damn di Given by JJJ-thebanisher on 04/20/2011 - 3J Treasure Hunt Winner 2011!

Storygames

Auspicious Dawn
unpublished

I'll get this


Recent Posts

Asylum of Hunters on 4/19/2021 10:37:29 AM
This could be a great story and I'd be interesting in seeing it complete. I think generally your writing has good bones, but there is a reason Zake warned you about overediting. I don't think overediting is the problem however. Some of the sentences are merely overworked. Shadowdrake hit the big ones that I wanted to point out, so definitely pay attention to his specific critiques.

The line between mysterious and just vague hasn't been clarified. Understanding that this is a Bloodborne fanfiction clarifies some things, but I would rather your writing be able to stand on its own feet. If we only take into account what is discussed on this page, we don't know very much, even about the things we've been told. "Okay, but what does that mean?" is a very real question.

"The flame takes you always one way, despite all, the brighter it burns, the more desperate you are to feel its warmth."

This sentence really doesn't do it for me. I could already assume the flame was situated somewhere, so surely it leads only in that direction. Despite all of what exactly? Why is the brightness changing and why am I desperate for its warmth? Am I cold? Make me feel desperate.

"Your guiding starlight. From the heavens beyond the moon, down to the lowest depths, from the hills to the great waters."

There is no verb here. I'll tolerate correction on the matter, but there is no verb here.

"Only the most reverent can see." See what? The verb from earlier?

...I've just received an unwanted phone call. I'll have to come back to this later.

Asylum of Hunters on 4/19/2021 6:53:52 AM
How detailed of a response are you looking for? It's very late where I am so I'll have to look at this again with fresh eyes in the morning.

CYS Merch on 4/19/2021 6:34:20 AM
It has been too many hours now, I fear you'll need to retrieve it the other way.

CYS Merch on 4/19/2021 12:36:36 AM
I love the simple and playful style you have going in the panel art, it's not polished, but it is expressive. As for your little business, I have to respect the hustle. All the good fortune in the world to you. The Triskelion design is clean by the way. I'd gladly own a shirt bearing that image. As someone who has been on this site a long time, I have the original art really burned into my retinas. I didn't take the opportunity to comment at all when the art switched over, so I'll do so now. I joined 2011, which was a surprisingly good year for CYS. (I mean GOD DAMN look at the top games from 2010 for comparison) 2011 was the year Eternal was published and also the Year SindriV started his Homo series. Go to the 2012 and Berka published his first games here while SindriV cranked out even more Homo literature. Why am I saying all this? The Nostalgia of the original, especially the banner, is unbeatable. That's all the stuff the old art makes me remember. It connected me to the way this place used to be. Which I've always liked. I had a lot of fun here. However, the site is even better today than before. This era of CYS is, in my estimation, its best ever - by far. 2018, 2019, 2020, look at those top tens. How many features? How many amazing new authors made a home here and shared their talents with us? This new art reflects that positive trend.. I seriously, seriously appreciate what you did and are doing here.

Some Collected Writings of C.S.Lewis - On Writing on 4/17/2021 2:54:06 AM
Close inspection of his writings both public and private will reveal a man with an integrated way of thinking and writing from top to bottom.

Some Collected Writings of C.S.Lewis - On Writing on 4/15/2021 8:52:48 PM
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I especially like how he described the now common advise of "Show don't tell."

Some Collected Writings of C.S.Lewis - On Writing on 4/15/2021 8:05:53 PM

Since Lewis’ death in 1963 clerkish people from all over have been hard at work gathering up every paper the man had ever written on, to include personal correspondences, essays, and any unpublished manuscripts.  The writer himself was quite the introvert so we might imagine he would be horrified by all this. Scruples aside, rifling through the man’s personal life has unlocked a trove of perspective. What follows are transcribed passages from letters, essays, and books by C.S. Lewis on the subject of writing. To begin, some very nice advice written in a letter to a child in the summer of 1956:



“1. Always try to use the language so as to make quite clear what you mean and make sure your sentence couldn’t mean anything else.


2. Always prefer the plain direct word to the long, vague one. Don’t implement promises, but keep them.


3. Never use abstract nouns when concrete ones will do. If you mean “More people died” don’t say “Mortality rose.”


4. In writing. Don’t use adjectives which merely tell us how you want us to feel about the thing you are describing. I mean, instead of telling us a thing was “terrible,” describe it so that we’ll be terrified. Don’t say it was “delightful”; make us say “delightful” when we’ve read the description. You see, all those words (horrifying, wonderful, hideous, exquisite) are only like saying to your readers “Please will you do my job for me.”


5. Don’t use words too big for your subject. Don’t say “infinitely” when you mean “very”; otherwise you’ll have no word left when you want to talk about something really infinite.


My understanding of this letter is that the child in question had sent Lewis something that he or she had written, which Lewis was then kind enough to read and review, adding, “I hope you don’t mind me telling you all this? One can learn only by seeing one’s mistakes.”



- While I risk redundancy, he offered the following advice in an unpublished essay Cross-Examination written in 1963, the same year that he died.


“The way for a person to develop a style is (a) to know exactly what he wants to say, and (b) to be sure he is saying exactly that. The reader, we must remember, does not start by knowing what we mean. If our words are ambiguous, our meaning will escape him. I sometimes think that writing is like driving sheep down a road. If there is any gate open to the left or the right the readers will most certainly go into it.”


The reader will of course see that Lewis has followed his own advice while giving it, and tailored how he went about presenting it to the intended audience. This was late in life, so we will now look at more privately written ideas on the subject of writing, penned many years prior.


Lewis exchanged hundreds of letters with a friend by the name of Arthur Greeves. Bedridden as a boy, and for most of his life, Arthur asked that he may have a visit from the neighbor boy. This encounter introduced Lewis to perhaps his most significant lifelong friend. Their love of literature was what bonded them, Lewis described Greeves as a sort of “Alter Ego, the man who first reveals to you that you are not alone in the world by turning out (beyond hope) to share all your most secret delights.”


They exchanged many letters on the subject of writing. Here are a few select excerpts:


“Whenever you are fed up with life, start writing: ink is the great cure for all human ills, as I have found out long ago.” - 30 May 1916


“What you want is practice, practice, practice. It doesn’t matter what we write (at least this is my view) at our age, so long as we write continually as well as we can. I feel that every time I write a page either of prose or of verse, with real effort, even if it’s thrown into the fire next minute, I am so much further on.” - 14 June 1916 [Lewis was 17, Greeves was ~21]


“It is impossible to write one’s best if nobody else ever has a look at the result” - 20 June 1916


“I am sure that some are born to write as trees are born to bear leaves: for these, writing is a necessary mode of their own development. If the impulse to write survives the hope of success, then one is among these. If not, then the impulse was at best only pardonable vanity, and it will certainly disappear when the hope is withdrawn.” - 28 August 1930


Here is one more, specifically on the topic of creative writing:


“Returning to work on an interrupted story is not like returning to work on a scholarly article. Facts, however long the scholar has left them untouched in his notebook, will still prove the same conclusions; he has only to start the engine running again. But the story is an organism: it goes on surreptitiously growing or decaying while your back is turned. If it decays, the resumption of work is like trying to coax back to life an almost extinguished fire, or to recapture the confidence of a shy animal which you had only partially tamed at your last visit”

 -from English Literature in the Sixteenth Century, Book III. 1954



I can take credit here only for taking the time to type. I hope anyone who took time to read will feel benefited. All brilliancy credited to Lewis - all typos credited to myself.

CYS Book Club? on 4/15/2021 1:11:49 AM
Hmm, I will think on this. I shall take the responsibility with all due seriously.

Okay, who yoinked my points? on 4/13/2021 6:21:13 PM
I've got about a month. Feels like a shame not to do something with it. I'll probably try to read and rate as many story games as I reasonably can in the meantime.

CYS Book Club? on 4/12/2021 7:30:18 AM
There was a shoddy remake, I forget what year, that tarnished the name of the movie somewhat. Everyone I've shown the movie to has been very skeptical at first, but they come around.