BerkaZerka, The Million Word Malkavian

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12/17/2017 3:49 PM

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0 wins / 0 losses


Sage Exemplar



Mind's Eye USA





Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Earning 2,000 Points Earning 5,000 Points Administrative contributions. Having 4 Storygame(s) Featured Posting 11204 Forum Posts Rated 99.9% of all Stories Given by alexp on 02/22/2013 - For being all-around awesome! Given by BerkaZerka on 01/09/2017 - In memorial of mustache wars long long ago~ Given by EndMaster on 05/31/2013 - For Dead Man Walking, Dungeon Stompage and whatever other cool stories you end up creating. Given by JJJ-thebanisher on 10/14/2013 - Great site presence and top notch AE usage Given by madglee on 04/04/2014 - Exceptional stories and great moderator! Great work, BZ! Enjoy. Given by Sethaniel on 06/14/2014 - Great moderator, amazing game-maker. Given by Will11 on 01/15/2017 - For the fantastic stories, amazing scripting and overall contributions to the site


Chuck Norris Quiz

How well do you know the Incredible Facts About The Awesome Chuck Norris?

25 Questions with Scoring

Featured Story Cows vs. Aliens!

Farmer Brown is on vacation and it's up to Fernando El Fantastico the Bull (that's you!) to save his Herd when Aliens come to harvest them!

(by playing draw poker against a horde of moronic alien invaders!)

Special Thanks to Killa_Robot for playtesting feedback - This Meep's For him! ^v^

Crab Arena!

You are Crab Trainer X! Choose your Crustacean Combatant and Battle for Glory in Crab Arena! The Championship Belt is within your Grasp! Can You Do It? Hell Yes You Can!

Now GO!!!


How To Play

Fight 3 Round Battles with 4 Opponents; and then a 5 Round Battle with the Final Opponent. Each Round you choose an Attack and an Elemental Focus to power it.
CLAW HAMMER beats Body Slam / BODY SLAM beats Double Snip / DOUBLE SNIP beats Claw Hammer
FIRE consumes Air / WATER puts out Fire / EARTH soaks up Water / AIR blows away Earth
A Color-Coded Bar shows the results between the Attacks and Focuses: Green = Win; Yellow = Draw; Red = Lose
Your Attack determines who Wins the Round; the Elemental Focus determines how much Damage you will take and how many Power Points you will gain. Your Wins and Losses at the end of each Battle determine whether you advance or go down in flames.

Featured Story Dead Man Walking (Zombie Survival)

Can you survive the Zombie Apocalypse? While challenging, it's not as hard as the movies would have you believe - where they always make the worst possible decisions for the sake of drama. At least here, you will be offered logical choices amid the foolhardy and your character cares about survival even more than you do. A serious game with gory detail.

Cameos (try to find them all!)
Aman: Hairy bearded sledge guy
applegirl: Coffee mug zombie teen
Betaband: Neighbor’s fish tank brought to you by Betaband
CovElite: The Cannibal Gaunt Zombie
EndMaster: A survivor tells about seeing a black hooded man walking among the zombie hordes and directing them like death itself
Fireplay: A madman with a taste for fire
JMgskills: A zombie wearing a red shirt with the logo “YOU DIED – END GAME.”
Marmotlord: A School Mascot on the run
playa988: A rather short, buzz-cut, zombie in a baggy white t-shirt and jeans that gets sniped
simplesabley: Tomboy survivor girl
SindriV: A mysterious corpse in the street
Solxd7: A police officer shit out of luck
Swiftstryker: Zombie in a speedo
ThisisBo: An oddly “talkative” zombie not terribly interested in eating brains
ugilick: Karate kicking conquistador

Special Thanks To:
Aman; AtomicWaste; blob; Briar_Rose; HoraceTorys; MBrock; playa988; ugilick

(For their invaluable feedback and playtesting efforts!)

Featured Story Delve!

Slay Monsters and Loot the Bodies!

100 levels of Classic Dungeon-Crawl Hack & Slash!
Can you survive all the way to the end?

A CYS "Flash Game" Featuring -
Weapon Upgrades, Magic Items, NPCs, and more!

Featured Story Dungeon Stompage!

An Item and Character-Stat driven Dungeon Adventure Challenge! Can you survive the perils, defeat the monsters, and win the game?


Special Thanks To:

JMgskills, simplesabley; betaband; Swiftstryker; madglee; October; & urnam0 (who found a second solution to the puzzle chest)

(For their invaluable feedback and playtesting efforts!)

Kill Aman's Mustache

Do you have what it takes to survive the Wrath of Aman's Mustach of Doom?

Are you clever enough to outwit a Penguin with a mallet? Are you man enough to wear a phony mustache? Are you Anime enough to put on a Pikachu suit and head to Vegas?

Find Out Now, In: Kill Aman’s Mustache!

A horror(ble) puzzle of hairy implications with a side of lice...

Note that embedded audio requires windows media player plug-in to hear. You will likely be prompted to allow it if you don't already have it installed.
(Please don't be mean and Rate this game poorly just because it’s a worthless piece of crap. Seriously - you will totally hurt the feelings of the thirteen year old orphan schoolgirl from Korea that I hired to write this and who has very little grasp of grammar and doesn’t speak any Engrish and is dying of toenail cancer – you heartless brutes.)


The King's Logic Puzzle


The king has proposed a contest of intellect.
You have a balance scale and twelve identical looking spheres of gold - except that one is either heavier or lighter than all the rest. Using the scale and only 3 measurements, you must determine which is the 'odd ball' and whether it is lighter or heavier.
If you fail, you get to be court jester for a month. The king has a terrible sense of humor - trust me; you don't want to be court jester (even for just a month). It's part of the reason he holds this contest. It's the only way he can get anyone to 'sign-up' for the job.
If you can correctly guess the 'odd ball,' but not whether it's lighter or heavier than all the others, you get to go free.
But if you can get the right ball AND figure out whether it's lighter or heavier - you get to keep all twelve spheres of gold. They're worth a small fortune - enough to buy your own keep - which would raise you up from lowly Surf to rich Landowner in the blink of an eye.
What do you have to lose - except your dignity...


A Penguin's Fairy Tale

You are 'Penguin,' a small stuffed toy owned by a little girl named Sarah. You love Sarah very much and Sarah loves you. You know this, because Sarah says so quite often. You are Sarah's favorite toy.


Bane Treasure Of The Vampire King

What do I know of cultured ways, the gilt, the craft and the lie? I, who was born in a naked land and bred in the open sky. The subtle tongue, the sophist guile, they fail when the broadswords sing; Rush in and die, dogs—I was a man before I was a king.

Epic pirate adventure in the world of Conan the Barbarian. Sail the savage seas in search of a legendary treasure cursed by the gods!

Dungeon Stompage II

Sixty nine years after Raven's grand adventure, Tempest, the half-human child of the Succubus Lilianthea, takes up the quest to find the lost treasure hoard of the Great Dragon Serpentfang - wherein lies an artifact with the power to destroy the Oblitterum Nomeno once and for all.

Battle even more fearsome monsters and your own half-demonic nature, to recover the artifact in time; before the book of damned souls draws you in past the point of no return!

Five Pin Code

The following is a 'How To It Guide,' for building a Five Pin Pass Code into your game for the purpose of pass-coding Unlockables, Game Sequels, or the like.

Articles Written

How to Shuffle a List with Scripting
You can use Advanced Editor Scripting to randomize the order of list (without duplicates) using the following method.

How to use On-Page Variable Tricks
The following discusses the use of the On-Page Variable Code (it literally goes right on the Page in the Story Editor, as opposed to Scripting, which goes into the Scripting Boxes).

Recent Posts

Sanitarium! (Collaborative CYOA) on 12/17/2017 3:46:33 PM
I saw that ninja edit haha! ^v^

No notifications for commended games? on 12/17/2017 3:40:49 PM
You should get a notification after tonight. If not, then yeah, a bug.

Sanitarium! (Collaborative CYOA) on 12/17/2017 3:33:31 PM
<D. Let someone else be the first to speak up>

"Because I need to be a better person," Rupert answered Director Kaufman in complete monotone. It was a hollow defeated version of what you had considered saying. Hearing it spoken that way by Rupert, made you glad you had chosen not to say it in the first place.

"You'll make me a better person," the man regurgitated without feeling, absently pulling a tie-strand off his hospital gown and popping it into his mouth.

"That’s right Rupert!" Director Kaufman exclaimed with a clap, as if Rupert's reply was some kind of psychological breakthrough.

"I don't really know," Archie then offered, idly scratching his balls.

"For some inexplicable reason, everywhere I go, people are really uncomfortable. Back in Hartford, the nurses kept telling me I had to 'put on clothes' - Ha! Madmen."

Helen meanwhile, stared intently at Director Kaufman's crotch.

"I'm a bad girl..." she said, "I'm a naughty little whore, who needs to be taught a lesson..."

She slid one hand under her gown, between her thighs. Her breathing quickened to soft panting gasps, as she writhed in the chair, nearly sliding out of it.

"Oh... I'm a bad girl... Ah... Ah..."

A guard stepped in and jabbed Helen’s shoulder with his nightstick – hard enough to hurt.

"Now Helen," Director Kaufman said, as if he hadn't even see the guard strike her - "what have we been working on, hmm?"

"You must learn to control your lustful impulses. Especially in a public setting."

Helen stopped touching herself and straightened up in the chair, rubbing the sore spot on her shoulder where the guard's blow landed.

"Yes Doctor," she sighed, looking up from the Director's crotch and deeply into his eyes. "I want to be a better person. I want you to help me be a better person."

Director Kaufman loosened his collar a moment and cleared his throat.

"Ah, yes, that's the spirit Helen!" he replied with a hungry glimmer in his eye, suddenly finding a need to adjust his own pants a bit.

As this went on, Mildred's eyes continuously darted back and forth, and she craned her ear, as if trying to hear unheard voices.

"The voices will stop," she mumbled, "only if I find them. What am I doing here, not looking for them?"

Her eyes suddenly focused on the Director.

"What am I doing here?" she asked him in alarm; "I'm not imagining them. They're telling me to go. Let me find them, please!"

She stood up suddenly, glossy eyed, and nervously griped her clarinet - which she had scooped up from its stand behind her.

"Mildred my dear," Director Kaufman spoke calmly, "music lessons are over."

He then motioned for the other guard to step over and take the clarinet from Mildred.

"No! Let me keep it!" Mildred begged; hugging the clarinet tightly to her chest, adamant on not letting it go.

"Stab one of them with it, now!" she hissed to herself in a slightly lower voice.

"No... I'd lose, right?" she continued, speaking to herself.

Then to Director Kaufman, she explained, "I want to, ahem, practice in my room."

"Fine, but don't let anyone take it from you." she hissed again.

"Please let me keep it, Doctor. I think it will help me find the voices. That's why I'm here, right?"

"Let go, you crazy bitch!" The guard growled, pulling at the clarinet with one hand and cocking his other arm back - ready to bean Mildred in the head with his nightstick.

He hesitated however, when Director Kaufman quietly spoke once again.

"Mildred, that's why we have music practice. Now give the nice man the clarinet, so it doesn't get damaged with you fighting over it. It's OK. It will stay safe here in the music room, until practice again tomorrow."

Mildred did not look at all convinced.

Tension mounted, as the last moments before the nightstick would come crashing down ticked by...

"Its all the damn aliens fault I tell you!" Earl interjected abruptly.

"Give up the clarinet Mildred!" Archie pleaded - encouraging Mildred to avoid the beating.

Harvey Polk meanwhile, leaned forward in anticipation - almost as if he enjoyed seeing other people hurt. He wouldn't be the only one like that around here unfortunately.

"Honestly, the other women here are so needy." Helen huffed. "Always distracting the doctor with their silly problems."

Having lost the Director's attention for now, Helen also leaned forward, raptly interested in the forthcoming conflict - and surreptitiously sliding her hand back between her legs again.

The uber-masculine cross-dresser Francis Scheafer on the other hand, turned away, not wanting to see what might come next.

With nearly everyone's eyes focused on Mildred, waiting to see if she would relent or get her skull cracked, you realize that you are close enough to the Orderly's desk to swipe her fountain pen unseen (or at least you stand a pretty good chance anyways).

A. OMG! I MUST have that shiny new pen!
B. No! Mildred needs me! I'm the only person she trusts. I can talk her down!
C. Pfft! This is just getting good (and I wouldn't want to miss the show for a lousy pen).

Sanitarium! (Collaborative CYOA) on 12/16/2017 2:46:37 PM
3 pm - Group Therapy in the Music Room

You and the rest of the residents are in the Music Room, after music practice, with Director Kaufman, his Associate Dr. Hartley, two guards, and the Day Orderly Evelyn Boyce. Everyone is seated in a circle of chairs, while the two guards stand at the door and the Orderly takes notes at a small desk.

"So," Director Kaufman begins in a heavy Austrian accent, "Why are you all here?"

A. "Because I need to be a better person."
B. "Because stealing is bad, even if no one will ever miss it."
C. "Applesauce Doc! You know I'm only here for the early parole."
D. Let someone else be the first to speak up

Sanitarium! (Collaborative CYOA) on 12/16/2017 2:45:02 PM


You have been here, in this hellhole of a sanitarium, for months now; trapped like a rat in a maze, experimented on, mistreated, and downright abused by the staff – who seem to think you are less than human - and worse, have convinced the State and everyone else that you are a danger to yourself and others.

You may have your quirks, but you’re nothing like what the sanitarium has made you out to be. Even so, you can’t leave, unless you want to be hunted down like an animal – or shot by the sadistic guards in trying.

Not that you have anything to go back to – now that your former friends and remaining family have abandoned you here. No visits, no letters, no nothing. Perhaps they believe all the lies – that you are mad; that you are a dangerous animal; that you need to be caged and the key thrown away forever.

Your life, up until recently, has been pretty wretched; with daily torture sessions carried out on you for the perverse pleasure of Dr. Kaufman and his staff – all thinly veiled in the nomenclature of “medically proven science and therapy.”

“It is necessary, to help make you a better person,” the good doctor would always say; as he did all manner of horrible things to you. Things that you knew were not helping at all – but actively working to destroy you. You refused to let yourself be destroyed however, and hung on through it with all the willpower you could muster.

The doctor was not trying to cure you.

He was trying to see how long you could last before you broke. You were not going to give him the satisfaction of breaking so easily.

Even so, the resistance has taken its toll - not just on you, but on everyone.

For the naturalist, Archie Rouse, the daily treatments were spinning in the RTD (Rotational Therapy Device) until he either puked or passed out; and frequent stints being hung upside down on the wall, as part of his Suspension Therapy. Once a week, it was Shock Therapy for good measure – the Doctor taking particular interest in noting the effects of various voltages to the male anatomy.

For Earl Boggs, who believed he had been abducted by aliens, they actually drilled a hole in his cranium, for what they called Trepanation Therapy. Then they set him down in ‘The Hole’ for days on end, as part of a Sensory Deprivation Therapy. In The Hole, Earl imagined that he could feel invisible fingers caressing his body in the darkness and had vivid hallucinations of male and female sex organs sprouting from the floor and dancing around him to unheard ‘music’.

For Rupert Meeks, who had seemed totally normal when he first arrived – claiming to have been brought in under false pretenses – it was Sleep Deprivation Therapy and daily Enemas. Kept awake for fourteen days straight, he was then allowed to sleep twenty four hours, before having to do it all over again. As this went on, Rupert began to slip into delusional states, thinking he was somewhere else (in a cave filled with mummies), and inadvertently developed Pica – eating bugs, dirt, his own hair, and basically anything that he could fit in his mouth to chew and swallow.

For Mildred O’Connell, who claimed to hear voices telling her what to do, it was the same for her as it had been for Earl Boggs – first, Trepanation Therapy, having a hole drilled into her skull, and then time in The Hole for Sensory Deprivation Therapy. During her stays in The Hole, Mildred would hear far off piping music (shrill and high, as if from an invisible piccolo) that seemed to float in through the padded walls.

For the cross-dresser Francis Schaefer, it was Masculinity Rehabilitation Training; where she was strapped to a chair in the Music Room, with eyes propped open, and forced to watch hours and hours of graphic war footage on film. It did little to actually 'man her up' - instead reducing her to tears and giving her terrible nightmares that eventually led to severe insomnia.

For you (the Kleptomaniac), the daily treatments were being dunked in ice baths for what the Doctors called Hydrotherapy – which caused you a great deal of physical pain and anxiety – as the Guards would not only grope and paw at your naked body, but would actually push and hold your head underwater for periods of time. During one such event, you actually half-drowned and passed out. When you came to, the Doctor was gone, and you were laying naked on a gurney - the guards busy cinching their belts back up, after what you could only imagine was a gang-rape.

And for Helen Childs, the Nymphomaniac, no attempts were even made to hide her rapes. Her “therapy”, as it were, was a twice daily “Aversion Therapy” in Director Kaufman’s office that was nothing less than full blown BDSM – where the Doctor would literally get his rocks off, while whipping Helen in a zippered leather face-mask and telling her what a dirty little whore she was. Between Sessions (as the Doctor recovered), Helen would receive a Daily Enema.

Interestingly, no one actually knew what sort of "Therapy" the paranoid Harvey Polk was receiving - and he adamantly refused to talk about it, citing concerns that "they" were listening. Some of the residents have begun to voice suspicion that he wasn't actually receiving any therapy, but rather special treatment for some reason or another.


“It is necessary to help make you a better person.”


Recently however, things have changed. Director Kaufman seems to have been caught up in some new approach to Psychiatric Treatment, involving the effects of music and sound on the demented.

Everyone who could play an instrument, or learn fast, was given a part to play in an octet of chamber music; while the horrible tortures (aside from Helen's continued daily "Aversion Therapy") were abruptly replaced with music practice and bizarre sessions of “Tone Induction Therapy” – where the subject is exposed to a battery of unusual sounds, tones, and volumes for various intervals.

While this is all much more preferable than the deplorable treatments before, it is just a matter of time, before the good doctor finds some way to twist these new experiments into more physical and mental torment.

Sanitarium! (Collaborative CYOA) on 12/16/2017 2:41:37 PM
<B. Betty Mayfield>

Betty Mayfield

Age 33; Gender Female; Height 6’; Weight 155

In the Sanitarium for compulsive stealing. Originally sentenced five years to the State Women's Penitentiary for repeat pickpocketing offenses, Betty was recently transferred to Dr. Kaufman's Sanitarium for an experimental 'Rehabilitation' program. If all goes well, she'll be out in no time.

Betty's habit is so bad however, that her room has to be searched every night before 'lights out'.

Plays the Violin in Director Kaufman's Octet.


  • What Betty lacks in education, she makes up for in street-smarts.
  • Her height and wiry frame make a feisty combination when the need arises.
  • Betty's father (deceased) was a vaudeville stage magician; and passed his remarkable sleight of hand and escape artist skills on to his daughter.
  • People just naturally seem to trust Betty, which she's not afraid to use to her advantage.
  • Betty has a collection of stolen spoons hidden in a corner of the Yard.
  • Like nearly all of the other Residents, Betty's attire consists of a white cotton hospital gown (open in the back).
Betty knows the following tidbits of information about some of the other Residents-

  • Archie Rouse is allowed to wear an apron, rather than a hospital gown, and has a Sun Valley Nudist Resort magazine in his cell.
  • Francis Schaefer is allowed to wear a mumu, rather than a hospital gown, and keeps a small makeup kit in her cell.
  • Rupert Meeks has a pet rat in his cell (that lives in a wall crack).
  • Helen Childs regularly gets smokes & matches from somewhere (which she hides in her mattress).
  • Earl Boggs sometimes comes back to the mill room with the smell of hooch on his breath.

New guy here. on 12/16/2017 11:37:31 AM
Glad to have you with us~

Other websites like ""?? on 12/16/2017 11:36:25 AM
Infinite Story will love you long time.

Sanitarium! (Collaborative CYOA) on 12/15/2017 8:01:44 PM
Thanks! I'm looking forward to the to see how far we can get with this. ^v^

Hello from Korea. on 12/15/2017 7:28:41 PM
Everyone knows you are from the Banana Republic.