Player Comments on Rings of Stone

Rings of Stone was a mixed bag. It's an interesting pastiche of Percy Jackson and Harry Potter with some interesting ideas of its own. The lore of the druids, the rings, and the nature of the illusions added some interesting depth to the story that managed to make it somewhat unique, but unfortunately, before the story had much of a chance to spread its wings and become its own piece, it ended.

In many ways, it reminded me of my first story "Falsely Accused: The Worst Prison In the Telenorian Kingdom". It was better written with more choices, but the same feeling of unrealized potential as it abruptly ends was there.

To be fair, some of that is mitigated by the author acknowledging that this was only meant to be a prologue. In that respect, it can't be judged the same way you would for a full story. At least, that would be true if the author had continued to write more, or publish a follow up to this first part.

The prologue of this prologue was easily my favorite part of the story. The highs that this first page manages to create are unmatched by the rest of the work, which is a huge shame as I was really looking forward to seeing how this all pays off.

The choppy sentences present disrupt flow and make the narrative feel disjointed, but at the same time, the passion is there. From a rhythm and prose standpoint, I would encourage this author to go back and revise a bit, but I loved the vivid imagery that Aardvark manages to create here.

I think the short, clipped sentences in the beginning could be made more rhythmic and flowing, befitting the epic fantasy setting that the author creates here. Instead of "Lightning Flashed. The Sky lit up in a blaze of white.", I would have loved to see something like "Lightning split the sky, lighting the clouds in a sudden blaze of white that revealed the storm above." Of course, this may boil down to a matter of personal preference. Some people may prefer the above to my suggested revision, so in this case, it boils down to your judgement. A great first sentence is important, because it sets the tone for the story going forward.

I was incredibly excited with how the author opens the story. It felt fast and dangerous, and I loved the idea of the twisted and dangerous swan, circling around the storm.

The incorporation of Hadrian's Wall and the descriptions of the Roman standard bearer show me that the author put a good amount of work fleshing out the historical setting of this story. I also think that the war between the Celtics and the Romans is a really interesting historical time period to dive into, I haven't seen many stories tackle the Roman expansion into Brittania.

The murder of the standard bearer was chilling, and amidst the thunder and the rain, it gives the story quite a dramatic and ominous feel.

Also, even though this was clearly inspired by the opening scene of the Sorcerer's Stone, you know when Professor McGonagall transforms from a cat into a human, the author manages to situate the scene in a much more dramatic and dangerous context.

The magic here also feels a lot more wild, unrestrained, and connected to nature than the magic system of Harry Potter. There is something special here, and I think that this author could really make this story his own.

Then, the rest of the story dips a bit in terms of the energy, but it was a fun and interesting read.

The dragon fighting scene was interesting, although the trope of the illusory dragon could be seen a mile away. At the same time, I was thrown by how quickly the scene appeared, since I expected a lot more banter and perhaps a sorting-hat esque scene, but I'm glad the author eschewed more scenery-chewing in favor of a dramatic action sequence. Words are costly, and with only 17,000 words, the author knew he needed to do all he could to make this story interesting enough to where people would still read it, despite its short and abrupt ending. The fast pacing shows that the author has a good grasp on what his audience wants to see.

After the terrifying dragon sequence, the story never manages to regain that lost momentum. There's a sequence where you get to explore all the rooms of the school, and then after that, the story ends with you choosing what stream you wish to pursue.

That ending took the story down several notches for me. My main issue is that, if you know the story will be short, end it on a high note. Keep it fast, keep it fun, because you can't get away with the same stuff you could if it were longer. Lore establishing scenes are more forgivable in a longer story, because there's a high likelihood of payoff, but we don't see that here. There are many set ups like the cantankerous librarian and the mysterious book that go no where, leaving the reader with the crushing disappointment of unrealized expectations.

That being said, I did appreciate the effort the author put into designing the lore of this world. The Celtic magic system and the Druids were a major plus point for this story. The author must have spent a good amount of time and effort devising this system, because it flows quite well and was genuinely unique and fascinating to read about.

In short, this was a good enough fantasy story that starts off with a bang but ends on a whimper. My overall feeling was one of appreciation for the thought the author put into the story, but ultimately, disappointment, since I know it could have been far better than it currently is.

Rating: 5/8.

Decent prologue to the true story. Can't really call it much more than that, as it stops literally as soon as you would have started the school aspect.

Characters have potential, but we didn't really have enough time to explore any of them.

It held my attention, although I hated that you used single quotes instead of double for dialogue. Some parts also seems cluttered, along with some spelling and grammar errors.

Man. It ended just when it was starting to get good.

I felt early vibes of Harry Potter and later vibes of Percy Jackson; and while that's not altogether original I think you pulled it off. For me this is a case where the writing was far superior to the plot.

That being said, since the story hadn't quite started yet it was still well written and enjoyable; though I am left wanting more.

Ok

make more

I look forward to the rest of the story

I enjoyed this. Please make something similiar

Ah, it's simply too short. So I pick a stream and then the game just ends? Boring!

I would love to have a next chapter

I must say after playing this again I truly do enjoy it and hoping for a part 2!

9.9/10

It's like Harry Potter:).

Great story, can't wait for more.

Very, very good. I can't wait till the longer version! There are virtually no grammar mistakes, and is pretty non-linear. So I can only say that you should make the armor have an actual picture, rather than a brown bag.

That's was a awesome introduction. I look forward to read the whole story.

The abrupt end was quite annoying even though you had no other choice. I'd like to see the rest of the story.

Love it. can't wait for the Full Story/Game

Not bad.

I would like a part two. 6/8

Oops, someone forgot to un-coauthor Kiel.