Player Comments on The Wasteland Chronicles: The Story of Aether Frost
It's nice seeing a lengthier story posted, and Fallout style post apoc is a genre I've always wondered why we don't get more of here. I'm surprised this doesn't have more comments.
There were a few persistent punctuation errors (Check the Quotation Marks section of the link on my profile to read up on how dialogue tags work, and careful of its vs it's) but overall the technical aspects of this were good, and the errors were small enough that they weren't distracting.
The main issues I had with this were higher level ones. I just couldn't make myself care about the protagonist (it's established early on that he runs around with a gang of sadistic murderers, rapists, etc.) and he doesn't change in any meaningful way. There were very few defined characters at all, actually. A bunch of faceless Legion mooks don't stand in for real antagonists (especially when what they represent arguably makes them more likeable than the bandits) and the friend/second in command or the guy you're supposed to challenge don't ever get any scenes that show what we were (briefly) told about them. If nothing else, being betrayed by a friend should mean something.
The story is fairly linear until the end, as well. The initial choices about where to go all have you wind up on the way to New Hope and the siege, and sudden endings keep you on the path.
Still, I'm just glad to see a story posted here with this much actual /story/ in it. You've put work into making the setting come to life, and a lot happens here. I hope you keep writing and practicing.
on 1/7/2017 4:11:11 PM with a score of 0
on 2/1/2020 5:24:49 PM with a score of 0
It was a good story i really do like these they are cool to me and to a lot of other people i am sure.
— Kevin on 5/28/2018 1:11:02 PM with a score of 0
I agree with many this was good but could have been much better. It was short and it felt like the entire thing was just rushed.
on 2/25/2017 2:05:28 PM with a score of 0
This story has a good feel, and reminds me of both Ground Zero and Eternal in how it is written. It's almost like you took all of Endmaster's best, less... disturbing... works and mixed them together, while still keeping it original and semi-unique. You could have expanded the story a little more, however. Some extra character depth wouldn't hurt, either. It's a great story with few flaws, and those flaws can be easily fixed. Keep it up!
— Anonymous on 1/29/2017 4:03:12 PM with a score of 0
A bit disappointed in all honesty... It was fantastic writing, good characters, no grammar errors (that I noticed) and a good plot, but then it just came to such a sudden end... I think it could've been improved if the story continued for years on and there was possibly some large battle at the very end to kind of finish the story, or something of the sort. I gave it a 6/8 due to the sudden end (otherwise would've been a 7/8), and it could be an 8/8 if it, as I said, continued into years and was just a bit longer overall with more options, as most times there were only two options on what to do.
on 1/2/2017 10:23:26 AM with a score of 0
Good and brutal apocalyptic carnage. Influenced a great deal no doubt by Fallout. straightforward decision making - a fun read if you are in the mood. Thanks!
on 12/30/2016 12:45:23 PM with a score of 0
Hm! Certainly good! It was more or less lengthy, but it could have been longer. I did spot a few typos, but nothing too huge.
It was quite fun, and I did like the plot. It was enjoyable in my opinion.
I hope you produce more stories, because this one was really good! 6/8.
on 12/26/2016 7:37:26 PM with a score of 0