Player Comments on Birthday Gift

It would have been better to finish writing the story first.
I didn't see any spelling mistakes, so thats good.

This story is unfinished, there are pages with no links to go back or forward and pages that link to 'To be continued' pages. Despite that, I think what you have here is decent. I like how you try to establish a relationship with the characters early on, though it does feel underdeveloped. As in you decided to tell, instead of showing if that makes sense.

I was also a bit confused as to what the setting of the story was at the beginning. From what I've read, it seems to be a sci-fi story, taking place on a space ship delivering cargo. I suppose the bread was meant to be an indicator, but that's it. Apparently, the crew members are delivering normal pickaxes and gas masks to another planet. In the Medical Wing, there's no real description of the equipment there so personally I default to picturing a standard infirmary. Point is, these elements clash and I think you would benefit from changing them.

It was really good for a beginner. Then again, idk if you're a beginner or not but it was still pretty good, I would have liked it to be a bit longer but short is fine too and it needs a bit op polishing but overall it's good and I think it makes for a splendid gift.

Certainly not the best story,, but i'm glad you put your time and effort into it. It took me till the page about Chance that I realized that you're playing as a female protagonist so I didn't finish the story since i'm a boy. Maybe add a few tags or even hint things at the beginning?

It needs a bit more work but,overall it pretty good

It's cute, but you could've just left this one unpublished. It's unfinished and clearly needs a bit of work. Although, if my partner made me a CYOA, I think I'd propose.