Player Comments on City treasure hunt (Chapter 1)

Really simple. I think like what others have said, it looks fantastic for its intended audience but I don't think that is the audience frequents a site like this.

For the intended age of the readers it is very suitable. It isn't really a cys as it just has right and wrong answers rather than branches and the wrong answers just redirect you to the right ones anyway. The spelling and grammar is simple but accurate for the target age, unfortunately most of the site's stories are aimed at an older target age so it might get unpublished (but if it's for your own use that shouldn't be a problem). If you want your stories to stay published you might need to write them for a higher age group (as you used phrases like ESL and beginner-intermediate on your profile page I'm assuming your not a Fourth Grader yourself, it'll be interesting to see your ESL story when it's ready) :)

Well, for someone in fourth grade, (I'm assuming that's what you meant in your description), this isn't so bad. In fact, I'd say it's A level work. The problem is it doesn't really reach the minimum standards for the site. What works for an elementary school class isn't really at the level of what people are looking for here.

Since you're young, I don't want you to feel too bad about this. You're just young is all. If you still want to make choose your own adventure stories when your older, you should definitely come back here. If you work at it, you could probably put together a pretty solid game.

Just don't let this stop you from writing entirely if it's something you really want to do, okay?

This is very boring, has not plot and has not real dialogue, or exposition. Sincerely, this is not a complete game so it has to be unpublished.

Did there really, REALLY need to be a "chapter one" when the entire thing is only 600 words? How about just finishing your story before making it public?

Anyway, pretty simplistic, but the grammar was better than expected for a school project tbh, those are usually pretty dire. You should look up how to punctuate dialogue, however.

But the main problem is just that it's not much of a CYOA when every choice ultimately funnels you to the exact same place. That and the fact that it's obviously unfinished. Did there really, REALLY need to be a "chapter one" when the entire thing is only 600 words? How about just finishing your story before making it public?

I'd recommend just unpublishing this. If you have 'Sneak Peek' checked in the Storygame Properties (and it would've been on by default when you created it) you can just share the URL with your teachers or classmates or whatever. This will likely be unpublished eventially anyway for low ratings, just because there's basically nothing here. I think this review is already as long as the entire story.

(If it does get unpublished by the site btw, don't turn around and put it up again. Bad things can happen.)