Player Comments on Der panik

I really wanted to like this story. I liked how it started with the man with the gun drinking wine while being questioned by the police. But the English makes this really, really hard to read. The tense of the verbs is really off, and I would guess it is simply the author has learned English as a second language. Many who do that find verbs and their tense difficult (as do plenty of people who are native English speakers as well).

The first sentences perhaps should be: “The man wearing a brown hunting cap was sitting at the bar. He said, ‘Damn, this wine is really strong.’ ‘I know, but that is not what I am asking you,’ said the policeman.”

If the author would like some aid with their English, please join in the forums and post for advice. Many readers here would be glad to review different sections of text and help you get them in the correct tense so that others will understand them. The idea for the story here is good, but the English and the lack of options really makes the story quite a bit sub-par. It could really be improved with some edits both to the text and the strange dots before the text. Thanks for giving this an attempt, I do hope you continue working on writing here.

The story had lots of potential but the storyline made no sense and there were many spelling and punctuation mistakes.

This was hard to read because of the writing. The English was just bad. I feel the overall story had potential though.

Five pages without a choice and then on the first choice I was given I died. Went back and tried another way and hit more strings of linear pages. The pages were all fairly short so I'm not sure why more of the railroaded parts weren't combined.

The plot itself has quite a bit going on and so I can tell effort was put in even if the story itself was pretty short. But the English is poor enough to render it almost incomprehensible in parts, and it's not formatted with paragraph breaks for dialogue etc and there are punctuation issues. This was definitely in need of proofreading and being run past someone with a better understanding of the language first.

Was this run through google translate? Or is this a project to work on your English? You clearly put some work into it but the English is pretty rough. One example, the way we would say that someone had 'past tense' become dead, would be to say, "He/she/you/they etc. died..." not, "You dead..."