Player Comments on Eventia 2086

what happened ??

This was getting so interesting ... and then it ended abruptly. I did not understand either the Diamond Island or the regular endings, and the general game was destroyed because it was left hanging like that. The advanced editor could have been used well, and this story has the potential to become a very good one, if only it is finished.

The grammar and spelling was good, and the general writing skill was not bad at all. The plot was good, but more background should be revealed about the city of Eventia. Also, there should be more options on what to do and more character development. Overall, not bad. 5/8.

Well I honestly can't say whether or not I want to read more of the story. The intro wasn't bad but I had absolutely no idea where you were going with it. I don't know what the story's about or what the main character's goal is or anything, I was just wondering around town looking for whatever it was I was supposed to find and then the game ended.

i sure hope you are making more stories to continue this one...i like it

Better than 'potato killer'

uuuh, the book doesnt work

Okay.

i liked it. it's interesting.

um...im confused. why did the story just...end?

I'm going to rate this a 7 because I want to read the entire story. It really felt like I was reading one of those old-school CYOA stories where the main plot points are fixed but there are multiple ways to get there and replay value is high. Items were also integrated very well. I like this story's potential and would be grateful if you could finish it. The writing style is good, but not polished. I also like the CYOA-within-a-CYOA-adventure in the beginning- I love creative plot devices like that.

While your writing is decent, there is no hook for this story. Nothing about it makes me want to read on. You need to do a better job of ensnaring your reader, provide some humor, adrenaline, romance or even characterization. What I saw was "another CYS that starts with me exploring my house". If it has to start with an exploration of the house, check out how Mommy does it. (You'll notice that it starts with sex.) After that, I was so limited. I go into the main room, there's an option to go into the bedroom. Nope, can't do that.. So now I'm outside, I want to go left. Nope can't do that. So I go right. Etc, etc. Don't provide options that the reader isn't allowed to take. For an example of fantastic optioning, view Ground Zero by Endmaster. Also, please don't publish unfinished works, instead add someone as a co-author and get them to read it over.

Interesting! You should really continue it, it has a lot of potential. It will at the very least be good since your writing is great.