An allegory.

Author's note: the title of this story is actually The Fire, but someone else already created a storygame with that title, so I couldn't give it the title that I wanted. My second choice for the title was The Light, but another person already took that title as well, so, if you don't mind, just pretend that the title of this story is The Fire.

A story set in medieval China.

Note: Even early on in the game you can lose by making a strategically erroneous choice so choose carefully.

I'm just going to respond to a few claims made in RKrallonor's review or this thread item by item:

>it's literally the darkest thing that has ever been concieved by humanity

Umm, what exactly is this darkest thing that you're referring to in the story?

>the idea that writing a story down gives it structure, and therefore gives the creatures within, structure and rules. That makes them more internally consistent with their thoughts and behaviors. But an auditory story, that is passed down from generation to generation, is a lot more vulnerable to alteration. It isn’t as fixed because the idea of this creature is shared among many people’s minds, but there’s no encoded tangible record holding all these details, so these creatures tend to act stranger sometimes, depending on which person’s imagination it’s following. Even if there’s just one person that’s literate, they can write ideas down and provide more order and structure to shared beliefs, since at least one person has it down in a tangible form.

This is just an observation on the effect that storytelling medium has on thought. It doesn't seem to be particularly groundbreaking or anything justifying the level of hyperbole in this thread.

>Ultimately, the story shows that embracing Christ is the only way to overcome the inherent undercurrent of pessimism present in all the other pantheons, that no matter how much we evolve, things stay the same. Unless you embrace Christ.

Is the story just saying that belief in gods was created by humans to assuage their guilt and fears? If so, that's already a commonly held belief.

Did you ever prove the existence of Christ in your story? Or are you arguing for some sort of religious placebo effect in which, even if gods don't really exist, belief brings enough benefits to delude yourself for?

Also, did you ever demonstrate why overcoming the inherent undercurrent of pessimism present in all the other pantheons is even desirable in the first place?

I'm just going to chalk your claims of how this story would be highly offensive (has a single person even been offended by this story yet?) to being around overly defensive people a lot or something.

I've been trying to read through the story to see if there's any merit to the claims made in this thread, but it's just been a slog through many typos and disjointed, unpolished prose, and I don't have the time to finish reading the entire thing just to see if it will get any better.

Can you just summarize the story's main points and list them here?

God of Empathy: the person who built the altar leaves one of co's emotions on the altar and doesn't feel it anymore. The next person who makes an offering at that altar feels that emotion and leaves one of their emotions on the altar for the next person to experience, ad infinitum.

God of Medicine- some healing herbs 

"Hey, Paul!" *swings ax* "Try getting a reservation at Dorsia now, you fucking stupid bastard!"

good

Reminds me of this CYS story.

Telling:

My stepmother was angry at me. I needed to run away from home.

Showing:

"You fucking son of a whore, get your stupid ass down to the kitchen- now!" my stepmother yelled from downstairs. Metal pans clanged to the floor. My stepmother was probably searching again for her favorite cast iron skillet to use to chuck at my head. There was nothing I could do to placate her when she was in one of her moods.

Telling:

I stole a credit card from her purse.

Showing:

Sneaking into the master bedroom, I grabbed her purse and rifled through its contents. I needed something that could get me all the way to Kentucky. A plastic earring? No. Three nickels? No. A tampon. Hell no. A shiny piece of plastic? Wait, that's her credit card, expiring several months from now. Just what I was looking for! I dropped it into my pocket and closed the door on the bedroom and mess I made behind.

Telling:

Jennifer cooked breakfast for her son, Gene. She forgot to make bacon, his favorite breakfast food, however.

Showing:

She turned on the gas stove and left it on medium before drizzling some olive oil into the frying pan. Jennifer then cracked an egg on the counter and dropped its contents into the oil. The sizzle from the frying eggs could wake even the heaviest of sleepers. Sizzle ... the bacon! That was Gene's favorite breakfast food. How could she forget to make it? It was too late to use cooked bacon grease to fry the egg now.

Telling:

She greeted the man.

Showing:

"Hi."

Set a blind girl and loner guy in high school up on a date and then secretly follow them around, writing down their every move.

Finnegans Wake

I just wanted to say that Story B is one of the better Thunderdome entries that I have read.