Player Comments on Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Drone

Before I comment on your story I actually need to take a moment to enjoy Jesika's comment, " i like the game but there is a lot of reading to do, major turn off".

Words? Sentences? I agree, you just don't need that crap in books; where are the pictures? The pop ups? The little buttons that you press which play a Disney song? When I have a book I don't want to read it! Build book forts yes, use them to make campfires yes, but reading? Eugh!

OK, moving onto the story itself gives me a strong sense of deja vu. It's nice that you've taken a stab at improving the most famous and successful series of childrens' novels in history but unless you genuinely think your writing style is am improvement on J.K's you might want to deviate from recycling her storylines almost verbatim. There was a little creativity in places but I'm not sure what it had to do with drones or Voltaire... maybe I missed something.

I'd suggest either going for straight satire or parody if you're going to write about a well-known series or just use what you read to inspire you to write your own thing (there is the 3rd path, fan fiction, but I wouldn't recommend it, Creativity will rarely be found at the end of that road).

Could have been good

This started out okay,and had some potential.but cunegonde FUCKED IT UP. There was no plotline and the endings were shitty and abrupt. 0/10. Do Not Reccomend.

boring

It was not anything like the movie or book

I’ve been interested in the implications of the philosopher’s drone strike for a long time.

So fun!

It was Great just wish there was more!

two boat profs are dicks

i try to save neville and die? that's not good writing, it's just mean. no offense, your probably nice and just not a great writer. my advice would be to try to keep the reader from dying. most readers dont like to die and making it happen can really ruin a story and cause you to lose a fan. its a fine balance. my personal style is to only kill the reader when they choose the deliberately obvious stupid choice, amd then i try to make their death a amusing in some way to soften the blow. i figure if you spit in the angry talking bear's face, you must really want to die, right? lol. good luck.

Why the hell is this simulation shit only for boys? Anyways, it's worthless...so peeps don't even try.

really nice storyboard

It was kinda boring

Have little to nothing of Harry Potter and even less sense.

Ok, so here's just an opinion of this story written by another Potterhead, but don't worry, it's not just about how good or bad it was in terms of keeping it close to Harry Potter-style writing. I'll give you credit, you stayed mostly consistent with the storylines, and your plot was good. It was also good to note that you stayed pretty close to Harry Potter's original story, which I thought was pretty neat. Though your writing style is different from J.K. Rowling's works, it's a refreshing take, and personally, I like the way you start this off with a mundane day in a funny way. I know that when I first started reading from the Harry Potter series for the first time, I was almost bored out of my mind reading the first chapter, so thanks for keping your readers engaged.
I'm definitely concerned about some particular things though, mainly being in how inconsistent your point of view and your writer's voice are. You broke your narration style at least once and went into first-person narration, and this confused me to no end. Also, when talking about emotions, try and describe them more. It's hard, but just try. Did the dark power of the locket give you deep, dark thoughts of committing mass murder? Did the beautiful girl inspire you to do anything for her out of gentlemanly chivalry by giving you a nice, longing stare? It would give us as the readers more attachment.
Well, now that you've read this comment from a random user on the Internet, what will you do after processing all the information?
Happy writing! :)

I liked it but it was so short.

Meh. Only about one choice makes the story branch out (barely!). Also, I don't see why you had to mention 'pants'! Snogging's one thing, but what you mentioned is another. Or at least that's how I see it. In addition, I don't like that there's only Slytherin and Gryffindor (Unless, of course, this is a polarized world where everything's black and white and two political sides are locked in a stalemate and there is no third faction). But if it is the future, why is there a locket suspiciously like the horcrux was destroyed? As well as that, I very much doubt they would expel someone for being out past curfew. After all, Harry, Ron, and Hermione are out past curfew and only get 50 points each taken away, and that could have had something to do with them being suspected of luring Draco and Neville out as well. I rather wish there were more choices. Still, over all, pretty meh.

A little too inappropriate for my taste. Dude, if you are going to put innuendos in, make the rating higher, please. The writing was pretty good, but every other option was depressing. Don't take it so seriously. Try to have fun!

i wish that u gave options for ravenclaw and hufflepuff because my house is ravenclaw and i know there are hufflepuffs

i think they should let you pick your gender, and add more on, but other wise its amazing, ive always wanted to go to hogwarts

Nice game... kind of short.

It's just that u can't live, no matter what u do, it just ends.

Just have to say, the ending was too abrupt.

To short

The ending though...? But what do you expect writing the entire series let alone the whole first book would be tiring, plus doing it with choices! Basic concept was good though until it came to the end. Also we are already sneaking around? Wow! It was interesting...

Why did it end with me getting expelled?

No offense, but I thought that this book was pathetic. There were many spelling errors, and as a person had already said: "every single option leads to you either dying, getting expelled, or living a normal muggle life" and I completely agree with them. This game was boring, and did not catch my attention. I'm sorry that I have to leave this negative review, but I hope that you will learn something from it.

Every single option leads to you either dying, getting expelled, or living a normal muggle life.

it was good but it could have been better if you became friends with harry and his friends and had the same adventure

That was quite short. Also, the only choices were Gryffindor and Slytherin. RAVENCLAW IS THE BEST HOUSE!!!

I'm not particularly a fan of the Harry Potter books, with the exception of seeing the first three movies. I did, however, read Voltaire's Candide. I really like all the Candide references that are sparkled into this story. From the beginning, to the love interest, and so many more. The choices are fairly fun to choose from and the descriptions on each page keep you wanting more.

I was disappointed by the abrupt ending; however. I definitely think the story could have ended a little bit better. Overall, a pretty good story. You have sparked my interest in the Harry Potter novels, and I thank you for that.

Having just looked up what the Candide ou l'optimisme is I think I can now see what you were trying to do. Readers of fantastical children's books are unlikely to be familiar with 18th century French philosophical works but those that are should be very excited by your story :)

You have a double posted link--that, or you intentionally gave the reader the same option twice. This was short given the nature of the story, had a few errors, and I didn't find it all that interesting, but it was good for a first attempt.

The fact that "Jesika" said there "was a lot of reading to do, major turn off" means she's on the wrong site and that she obviously hasn't read through any of the popular stories here, because the majority of them are 8/8 in length.

This is really cute!

I like the idea and concept of the game, however I feel as though that there was a lot of passages to read through which made me want to just click on through. I did notice that the story was almost exactly like the original Harry Potter story so I was more prone to skip entire sections. I feel as though if you would have changed it up an bit and kind of made it your own, I would have been more interested to reading your story.

This is Jesika, i like the game but there is a lot of reading to do, major turn off. This seems boring but other than that good idea and concept.

it was good :)