Player Comments on Mercenary Queen (Part 3): The Hemlock Band (Act B)

Oh, with the last set of options and your last encounter with the smith, you could have used variables to keep track of these things!

Regarding writing rape scenes, Endmaster still had a nice article written that deals with thag edgy stuff. Well, the best thing to do is, is deciding what purpose it serves. I guess you want to horrify the reader, but what you have written will only tittilate them.

"Then, with a sickening feeling welling up in her gut, she pulls off her shirt followed by her pants. Off comes her brassiere and down goes her panties. Her pale body reveals beautiful curves and her pink nipples erect themselves in the tension filling the air."

This belongs sadly in a porn mag.
The colors for dialogue is also a bit distracting.

Well, I should compliment you that you unlike many other authors have indeed continued your series. So there's that.

Nice story.. though it's sad that Parts 2 & 4 are unpublished.

Pretty different from regular story games.

It is a well written story however it went from 0-100 extremely quick due to the first few choices which I won't spoil for weirdos who look at reviews first. I believe that at the end it may have been better to make the game keep track of choices rather than the player themselves choosing. It was also slightly short but the writing makes up for it. Very good, anticipating the sequels.

AWESOME SAUSE

Please make another one with more of it

Played through the rest of the paths during lunch earlier and uh, yeah this a pretty rapey game. The writing is above average and it's otherwise a nice classic D&D style fantasy adventure, though the POV switching got bad at certain points. That and the colored dialogue were the main issues as far as the technical stuff goes.

Also, I feel like it would be worthwhile for you to incorporate some basic scripting instead of asking the player what they'd found or chosen earlier to determine the ending. Just use a variable so the game itself can keep track.

Well that went from zero to rapey to raped to death fast. I've had a brief look at the other games in this series in the past and been meaning to give them a read through, I guess now would be a good time if you're actively working on them again. Though I'm curious whether the ending I got just now is a common one for these stories.

Spotted a few typos and punctuation writes, and fyi the colored dialogue is REALLY obnoxious. Thaw may be a deal breaker for some people.