Player Comments on MISSION X: TARGET #1312

This was taken down because of the rating, please don't republish it. If you're wanting to show it to anyone specific, you can put it in Sneak Peek in Storygame Properties and just share the URL with them without making it public on the site.

(Sigh)
If you don’t get the perfect ending, you shouldn’t have to restart! You should just put an end game link there! The plot was okay but the pages could have been longer than 2 lines.

3/8 for the description.

+1 on mizal's comment.
It's a bit like reading the full opening of a star wars movie and then watching only the 5 first minutes over and over.
The character can't really evolve, and the reader doesn't really know him, since no context is given.
The description, aka exposition dump, shows a lot of paradoxes that you can explore or remove if you decide to create a full-fledged story about that world.

Here's the thing: most readers haaaaate forced looping with a passion. It's okay to let us comment on an ending other than the ideal one. All that's going to happen if someone keeps getting forced to reset is that they're going to either going to just quit reading and close the window, or build up a powerful resentment that's really going to hurt your rating when they are finally allowed to leave one.

This problem is usual exacerbated by the fact that the stories we're forced to read over and over usually aren't especially riveting on their own. There's fat paragraphs of backstory in the description here that seem like a promising start, but then it's like the content of the entire actual story combined is barely even that long.

And it's a shame, because you've got what could be an interesting plot here with a lot of strategic choices. The actual writing is very bare bones however, more like a rough draft than anything.

You joined the site two days ago. Most people work on their storygames for weeks or months. If you'd taken a look at some of the featured stories before writing your own I think you'd have had a better idea of the level of quality that many readers are looking for. There's no rush and no deadline, just take your time writing the next one and really put some more detail and polish there.

I'm thinking this will probably wind up unpublished for low ratings, but that happens to a lot of people's first games, so don't get discouraged.

This game IT IS NOT A CHOICE GAME. Due basically there is only a way to end this trash failure. Anything else means reset and replay this plotless garbage over and over. No description, no dialogue and absolutely anything elsein simply two lines pages that doesn't explain anything.