Player Comments on The Devil of the World's Fair

The concept is nice but the story really falls short.

This story is very short, less than 1800 words, and really never develops past checking into the hotel. It seems all of the choices only result in just a sentence or two before becoming "Link-less", which is annoying in itself (and stupid). If the choice ends in death, just end the game, don't call it "Link-Less" especially since that is actually a link.

Bad link choices aside, the story was lacking - and by that I mean lacking actual story narrative. I was intrigued by the description and set up to see what experiences I could have while trying to escape. But no joy. Once I check into the room there is no more narrative to read other than a sentence or two on each page before a quick end.

This story has potential to be really good. The concept is good, and lends itself well to a CYA style. The first page checking in was decently written. But it needs more. More work, more words, and more story.

Overall: Good concept but needs more work.

It's the best! Definitely going to play again.

Paragraphs breaks are sorely needed

Congratulations on publishing your first story!
Dead-end pages (pages with no links) are extremely frowned upon on this site. I would suggest you edit End Game links onto the linkless pages, or there's about a 100% chance this gets taken down for low ratings.