Player Comments on The Mysterious House

Agreed with Tanstaafl, it wasn't terrible or anything. I think the author is pretty young, but they seem to have a basic grasp of grammar and punctuation at least...maybe this is a little sad, but yes, I now consider it a red-letter day on CYS when a writer knows how sentences work.

It definitely needs more detail though, right now it falls pretty hard into the trap of telling, not showing. 'Hannah realizes this' 'Hannah decides that' and etc.

Also for the sake of realism I have to ask, what kind of person walks by a strange house, sees the window is open and immediately decides to climb inside?

A person about to get a well-deserved shotgun blast to the face, that's who. Dumb bitch is lucky she only had to deal with a ghost since ghosts can't pull triggers.

The story was kind of mundane and suddenly had a lot of info at the story's end. Have you thought about maybe having that part as decision-making too? I feel it would help this story to receive higher ratings. Just sayin'.

Bit short...

Nice story. Cool haunted house. Thanks for writing this story.

The details were lacking in some parts, but when they weren't they made for an interesting story. It needs better choices however. At parts the only good decision available leads to the quickest and most disappointing ending. Also, some very random moments.

A pretty interesting plot, but lacks depth. Still good though. :)

Good Game

Much better than I expected. It's a little short; however, all in all, it definitely has potential.

Too short but still interesting-Joe
Interesting but I wish there was more to it-Bob

This was good for a short story. It could be longer and more descriptive. A decent effort

Kinda quick but very good. i went right threw and had a good ending so that is good if i am ever in this situation. he hee.

It wasn't too bad, but it was kind of short. Shows lots of promise though, if you added a bit more to it. Nice work.

A quick story, but I liked the happy ending.

Note to self: Don't trust dead people who've prepared meals for you.

the story was fine, although not very original. the writing style was poor: "a vacant and empty room" and the story was quite short. it was however fun to play, even though it only took about 5 minutes.

Pretty fun to play, but it felt like you were trying to hard to appear as smart. It had an interesting plot to it though, so that makes up for the use of repetitive words and phrases. I'm guessing that this is your first game, and by the looks of it, you're off to a good start! Find what you think you're best at writing, and I'm sure you'll make an amazing story someday if you work hard enough.
Rating:
4/8

This is just like the warrior cats games users keep putting up its boring an you should not use grope. One word cliche.
sincerly, 24freddy

This whole story doesn't fit on the palm of my hand.

I thought it was alright. The usage of, 'grope' for turning door handles and flipping switches is kinda odd though haha.

This is even worse than Warrior Cat stories. The writing is cliche and boring. There are only 4 endings (there are also 2 variations of 2 of the endings) and all of them are ubrupt and cliche. Here are the endings:
1)You don't go into the house.
2)You try to climb into the window and fall.
3) a. You are captured and get rescued by a boy and you fall in love
3) b. You break a window and kill the ghost and fall in love with the boy
4) a. You don't escape with the boy and get possessed by the ghost.
4) b. You don't break the window and get possessed by the ghost.
Those are all the endings. They're boring, cliche, and ubrupt. There isn't that much on each page and there isn't any dialogue with the other characters (The boy and ghost). I don't want to sound like a jerk but this is painful to read. So my final rating for The Mysterious House is an eye full of soap out of 8 (1/8).