Player Comments on The Right Side of the Bed

I am... puzzled...

“WORD it nicely”, not waked.

I am the author. At least TRY to waked it nicely? Tell me the problems and no more please. Also, YOU try to write a good fanfiction and capture his personality perfectly in one giant marathon with a lot of different choices.
Please comment your rating.

Don't leave it off in small broken chapters, write a complete story.

... Markiplier is great. He's hilarious, and when he's not in character, he's an interesting, very genuine, and very nice person. >_> This story is not funny, nice, or interesting, and it will likely give people the wrong impression about him.

This didn't feel like a multiple choice story as the multiple choices didn't really lead anywhere and the script layout,

Person 1: I say this,
Person 2: I said that,

Makes the story seem very flat. I'm not sure what Markiplier is and the story didn't enlighten me a great deal... rather than being rewritten I'd say this story needs to be written, if you want to work on it further I'd make it longer too so there is more detail for the reader.

I understand that you are trying to base the story on Markiplier. That's completely fine. However, there are a few things you need to consider.

-The story is very, very short. I would definitely consider unpublishing it to get your chapters done, and then republish your work. Save yourself the ratings and fix it.

-The story does not cater to people that have a vague understanding of who Markiplier is. I do not fall into that camp, but it would be nice to maybe get more context of who he is and what he does. I think you need to revisit English class and get an idea of who your audience is and what direction this story is going.

- A storygame is something to lose yourself in. There are multiple parts where the story steps out of its world and you are criticized for the choice you made. It's not doing anything to help the story at all and should be removed.

Overall, at its current state, this story should not have been published. I would recommend unpublishing it and working on the plot, characters, background, and such before having it get subjected to ratings and reviews.