Player Comments on The Travisty

Do teenage girls really get THIS obsessed with boys? Poor girls... No, I take it back. Poor guys >.<

I agree with Rin. It does feel rushed. I think if you just slow down and enjoy the process a little more, then your work will improve. Making readers really feel connected to the characters and caring about them is tough to do, but would really help the story.

1D characters, random story. Can this get any worse?

This girl has serious attachment issues...

There was no real character development from what i could tell. Also just because I don't give my number to somebody I just meet does not mean that I could never be with him/her. Just saying.

snoozeville

Couldn't you have found a more creative way to spend your time rather than drafting this monstrosity?

This is the story that goes perfectly well with Call Me Maybe.

Ha, the right choice is too give your phone number to a complete stranger.

The writing itself wasn't bad, though short, but the choices seem so... off. I mean, is it that mean to not give your phone number?

You started out good, then lost steam. It feels like you're just rushing through it all. There was little character development, and was pretty vague throughout. Still, though, there's potential here. I didn't notice any spelling/grammar errors, which is kind of hard to find these days.
Try explaining what led the characters to be in the same room the first time, or add little moments of their relationship up to being asked out, and most importantly, describe the scene and the feelings semi-explicitly, so that viewers can get at least some immersion into the story.
Still, keep at it, and keep practicing, and you'll get there. Don't let this dishearten you, but endow you to strive to improve. Trust me, while I haven't written one of these myself, I've been part of one writing community or another for at least two years now.