Player Comments on They came from le moon

I think the story-line has potential. The concept intrigued me, and I liked how you included multiple endings. I didn't encounter any pages where only one option was available, which was nice.

The pacing/flow of most of your sentences worked well. There were quite a few spelling and grammatical errors. With some thorough editing and revising, this could make for a pretty decent story. I would highly recommend taking more time to explain some elements of the plot. For example (SPOILER ALERT): if everyone has been infected with some sort of virus, can you give readers more details about this virus? What are the symptoms? What caused the initial outbreak? Some scenes were also introduced a bit too suddenly. For example: having an alien suddenly jump out at me, right after I learned about the disease? It would've made more sense to have the protagonist first reflect on what they learned, before taking a few sentences to describe the jump scare in the scene. Finally, you could further improve this by increasing the length. Right now, it takes only a few minutes (give or take) to play through any individual path.

*SPOILERS*

I have no idea how people actually like this. It's just really bad.

The premise is unoriginal, basically ripping off of Alien completely, which isn't a good start. I have several other problems with your "plot" if you can even call it that. Communication in the base is clearly operational, so why would the AI not tell Earth its reasons for shutting off life support? And then, why would they send you by yourself to a place that could potentially be dangerous? It makes no sense at all, but that's not surprising given everything else that's in this.

I can tell that you're a bad writer trying to look like a good writer by using big words, except in the same sentence you mess up punctuation or completely misspell a word. The writing itself is pretty bad as well. The pages are short, the flow and movement of the sentences is terrible, and the punctuation throughout is nonexistent.

The pacing of the "plot" is way too fast. You enter the station, then three or four links later you've already found the main conflict. Mizal has an excellent picture of organization of a story in her bio, and I can't recommend that you look at it enough. You clearly don't know how to build suspense or even have characters. The AI poses no threat, does literally nothing, and is completely bland. The other people the player can interact with NEVER TALK, so there's zero chance of having any character development whatsoever.

Summary: It's shit. 1/8

Loops that take you senselessly back to the same choice for no particular reason, an embarassing lack of apostrophe and commas use, and a plot that dithers around, this is rather embarrassingly quarter-baked.

I guess back in 2014, this passed for good IF! We were so young then, weren't we? I especially love Bilbo's comment: "A good straightforward story with multiple pages." Multiple pages! Can you imagine! This was high praise back in the day.

This story takes as its premise "there is a deadly emergency on the station and you need to escape/handle it" which sounds about as bland and generic as it in fact is here. The protagonist has absolutely no personality, the alien menace has no character or qualities other than being "the alien menace" and the only "interesting" decisions involve deciding whether to run up or down stairs. There's no backstory, no context for the current emergency, and no interesting characters.

The author's attitude towards the story is about the same as mine: "Do you like sexy aliens? Do you love the idea of a utopian future in which the solar system is unified. Too bad mate." Hey, want something cool? Too bad. You can't have it. That's about how I felt reading this story.

But it did have multiple pages.

Lol at this actual, literal pile of shit that slipped through the cracks all these years.

2014 era CYS at its finest.

A good straightforward story with multiple pages. I liked it!

it has a great concept, I like the idea of a alien on the moon but there wasn't really any good writing here

thats nutts you were thinking, Suddenly Alien!, yeah thats not very good

you could've done a lot better with this and I felt it could've been a lot longer than

YOUR ON THE MOON AND YOU SEE A ALIEN FORTUNATELY THE MILLITARY COMES AND KILLS IT THEN YOU ESCAPE, there could've been like 2+ hours of reading if you stretched it out more. I'm sorry but this isn't really good

Not very bad... try being more creative with short stories like this

I liked the story line :D

spaceywaceyIlikeit.

That was a nice story. Your writing style is nice, although I feel you could've done much better by adding more detail, like how the character is feeling about this.

Good job!

That was a lot of reading, bows..... But tight