Player Comments on Thirsty

The premise was definitely interesting, the execution was terrible.

First of all, you really need to work on variety in your sentences. The first four of them begin with 'you' and most have some variation of 'up' (e.g. 'stand up', 'wake up', 'get up'.)

There were no paragraph breaks. Walls of text (or in this case, small barriers of text) are frowned upon here. I suggest unpublishing this to add paragraph breaks, it can really make or break a story, despite being such a small difference.

Needed more description as well. I say this in most of my reviews, but it applies doubly to horror, where you need to set a tense atmosphere. Take this example from a death ending.
"Your heart pounds in your chest as you feel something staring behind you."
Here it is, rewritten with slightly more description.
"Your heart pounding in your chest, so loud you worry the shadow will hear. It sends tremors through your shaking hands as you feel the cold gaze of the creature, hairs rising on the back of your neck like the defensive spikes of an animal."

There's a lot left unexplained. While that can be a good storytelling tool, it just made this story fall flat. I really would've liked to know more about the shadow and its origins.

The main character has no personality and little backstory. Instead of having a variety of very similar death endings, use that word count to flesh him out and make the reader care about him.

There's a lot of room for improvement here.

Good premise, bad everything else (also I'm pretty sure there isn't a "good" ending or way to "win" at all, which is extra lame)

Some effort was put into the description in this story, which pleasantly surprised me. Keeping the threat unknown also added interest to the plot.
Check a few grammar errors, such as 'nob' for a door handle, and 'bare' instead of 'bear' in the kitchen. Avoid run-on sentences. Also, consider using paragraphs.
This was a pretty good first storygame. The title made me think of vampires.