Player Comments on Violin Forever

Your writing is alright, but I feel like you just added the choices to meet the minimum page requirement. This isn’t really a CYS type of story, because all of the choices have no impact whatsoever, and there is only one path with no deviations.

I think it should have had more than one ending/choices should have affected the ending. I only went through 2x but the same things happened.

I think you forgot to mention Lily during the competition. All three girls were there at the start, then Penny performed, and then Melissa performed and got declared the winner. But Lily never performed.

There are a lot of minor English issues (like tense problems) which gives me the feeling you are not a native English speaker. It is still understandable, but a bit distracting when reading. It was pretty ironic that there are tense problems but you used obscure words I didn't understand. When you had to decide between the 3 outfits I just picked randomly because I didn't know what "shift dress", "capulet", or "pizzaza dress" (or something like that) meant. Maybe either add pictures or use more common words so common people know what you mean.

Overall I just think it was too short and didn't have enough plot or character depth.

You really should read the comments below your storygames, you know? Now I'll just have to repeat what Mizal told you about the last one.

You've made the same mistakes (particularly with verbs) as in 'Friendship Forever' and you managed to put in even less fake choices. The story is once again very short and it's less adorable than the last one, so at least I don't feel remorse for criticizing it.

You're clearly young and/or inexperienced, and there's only one solution to that: learn. Stop for a moment, read other stories, learn more about grammar, review your own work and listen to advice. If you do this you'll be able to avoid repeating the same errors and you'll eventually improve. Don't be discouraged but try to become a better writer.

Best of luck.