Player Comments on Weird Outcome
This was some pretty good writing, Raven!
I found it quite innovative that this storygame didn't have a single perspective, giving different characters and scenarios to play out. The action was also pretty good, being quite descriptive and certainly exciting. It's really written quite well and makes this action driven story very fun to read through, choosing through the many choices that's in this story was quite rewarding.
I was a bit surprised at how much writing was in this, there's certainly quite a bit of story in this, but I never felt like it dragged on too long. This story had a good overall pace that kept it from being dull, so I had no issue with reading from beginning to end.
Also, points for some rather decent humor and the Rwby references were quite interesting to say the least. The vibrant writing and details really shows me that you genuinely had fun with crafting this story, at least that's my assumption.
While this isn't the most complex story, its definitely one with its share of excitement.
on 3/21/2017 12:03:09 PM with a score of 0
I liked this :) You have spent lots of time describing an interesting story line, well developed characters and a plethora of tactical fight scenes without getting too bogged down in technical details which is good, the changing of different perspectives was also especially good, if reminiscent of computer games :D
Overall this was very good work and I enjoyed it a lot, though towards the end the steady stream of gunfights was starting to feel a little repetitive (can't we just settle all our differences with a few games of Rock, Paper, Scissors, winner takes all? :D). However this was one of the better games I've read on this site for a while and the hard work resulted in a great story, 7/8 :)
on 8/3/2016 9:17:41 PM with a score of 0
Great work on this. I played around with different options in combat scenes to see how it would impact the results. Something this storygame does very well, which many do not, is dying in fights feels fair.
It's not a random picking of an action in combat and hoping it works. Instead you're choosing a logical choice, then having the results play out in a way that fairly reflects that choice. There's also good text cues, to hint at what's best to do. And not every alternate choice lead to death, which was a nice touch. This shows a lot of insight and thought with your writing, along with adding to the immersion of the experience.
I found it interesting to have the changing protagonists throughout the story too. My main concern was that it would feel jarring to have it change up too much. However it worked pretty good and I found it worthwhile to have multiple perspectives within the events happening in the game.
The style of humor you used made it fun too. A certain toy scene was great. Trying to stay spoiler-free, there were some entertaining options. The ending was both surprising, yet oddly fitting by the time I reached that point.
Overall, I enjoyed it a lot. There were a few minor text errors, but nothing distracting. It's heavy on the story aspect, which made it feel more linear, but the story itself was well done. I believe the writing held up to this approach, the humor kept the reading relaxed, and I put a lot of weight in having combat that plays out smartly.
on 7/27/2016 2:01:29 PM with a score of 0
Amazing story! Unfortunately there are tons of grammatical and spelling errors that make this hard to read. The length of story is impressive. Sometimes the technical details bored me cross-eyed. Which character we play as is not always clear. Break the story up or lose some weapon detail. For someone that doesn't play video games, fourth wall and some other stuff needs to be explained. Lastly, the story reads like the author's first language is not English. I strongly encourage you to re-do this -- it could be quite jaw-dropping!
on 2/26/2017 8:03:58 PM with a score of 0
on 1/9/2017 4:07:29 AM with a score of 0
I loved the story, and no, it isn't just because one of the characters has my name, It's really good! Now, as for the writing, the spelling could be improved on some, but over all, the plot makes up for that. Also, I loved how you broke the 4th wall but did it seamlessly.
on 9/15/2016 12:56:34 PM with a score of 0
The thought and work put into the story is magnificent. The choices mostly make sense and the action is superb. There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but nothing too serious that takes away from the story. It's obvious you worked hard on this story and did your best with the detail and development. A little difficult but not extremely.
on 9/10/2016 5:43:22 PM with a score of 0
An interesting story, I really enjoyed it!
on 9/10/2016 4:27:34 PM with a score of 0
I don't think I'll make a RWBY fanfic since I focus on a WW2 storygame. I'm sorry.
on 9/8/2016 8:10:46 PM with a score of 0
Hi, you spent a lot of time on that I'm guessing and it is just wow super good like I mean it really was a pretty wired outcome, but I didn't really understand at first and from reading a person's profile and it said that the person really liked rwby and they got hooked because of you, so I was wondering if you can make a rwby fanfiction.
-- Max on 9/7/2016 11:32:23 PM with a score of 0
It was a pretty interesting game and it was quite long, but not the best.
on 8/12/2016 4:38:07 PM with a score of 0
The countless RWBY references made it funny, and there was a general plot going. Got to kill people, do my job, do some Yang trailer biz on someone, snipe...yeah. This was amazing. Great work.
on 7/28/2016 11:08:35 PM with a score of 0
Bravo! The amount of effort and dialogue packed into this seriously surprised me, this was a very enjoyable read. Also, it gets ten points from me for the lovely Rwby references. :3
on 7/27/2016 3:50:49 PM with a score of 0
Heh. Dog food xD
on 7/26/2016 10:30:25 AM with a score of 0