Player Comments on Wennipeg's list of regrets
I added this story to my reading list because I liked the name. Wennipeg looks like a misspelling of Winnipeg, and I could totally see someone trying to name their kid that and screwing it up.
The format of this story is not my favorite, but it probably serves the purpose of the story better than any other would. I believe every choice had to be made correctly in order to find the good end, which I did after a while. I would recommend next time allowing the reader a bit of grace by giving an opportunity to still make a good choice later after choosing the incorrect of several neutral ones. Some of the choices were obvious, some were not, and others did not make much sense at all.
One part that was a bit confusing was when Wennipeg was helping clean up. It says he puts all the garbage, paper plates in particular are mentioned, in the garbage can, but then it says he accidentally had dropped the keys in the garbage disposal because he got them mixed with the garbage. Unless the author shoves paper plates into the garbage disposal or that was meant to showcase just how dumb Wennipeg is, that made little sense to me.
There are a few mistakes with capitalization or punctuation that would make the story seem a bit more polished if fixed, but nothing too annoying. My biggest complaint about the writing itself is the authors apparent fear of complex sentences and excessive use of Wennipeg’s name. “Wennipeg didn’t like x. Wennipeg did this. He did this because x. Wennipeg knew that x was y.” So on and so forth.
There wasn’t a lot to like about the main character. He was pretty mopey and extreme sometimes with the self-loathing—such as the whole grocery bag thing. That is fine though. Not every character has to be cool, funny, or likable, and him being a loser was the whole point of the story.
Overall, a little more sentence variety, and this could have been very much improved, but it wasn’t a bad effort at all.
on 6/15/2019 5:44:22 PM with a score of 0
Choices choices choices,
Oh and spoilers.
Now this was a entertaining story, well for me at least. It followed the “go back in time and fix your regrets cliché” but there was some variety to it.
For example, Wennipeg’s first middle school party.
You had three choices, do what you did last time, which was just leave after your friend asked you to help. Actually help with the cleaning, or make the situation worse.(Yes that was a choice)
While most people would of helped, it really resulted in your friend missing part of his hand. The best you could get was making the situation worse and while your friend got in trouble, he said that was fun as hell and he regretted nothing.
The hardest part of this was the job interview, I can’t put in words how many times I pressed the back button everytime i either failed or was brushed off. Before realising just picking every middle choice was good enough.
I’m just gonna day that putting them in different places would make it a lot more harder. Just like a real job interview. The choices were pretty obvious for the most part, not including the party and the other party.
The other party was where Wenni originally got drunk as hell, I had 3 choices, karaoke, talk with a group you don’t know, or just drink. So my first thought was, if he talked with the group he would most likely fuck it up.
My second thought was drinking is a big no no if I wanted a good ending. So I went with karaoke, he actually was actually good enough singer to get some people dancing, maybe they were just drink I don’t really know.
So somehow he trips over something and everyone starts giggling.The best reaction would be in the words of Carl Barron to his Irish teacher.
“There not laughing with your Carl, there laughing at ya”
“I don’t care, who gives a fuck”
Instead he is so embarrassed he drinks to the drunken world of drunks. I mean if i got drank everytime I fell down, I would probably die from alcohol overdose in drama class. Dun dun dun, Drama.
I just want to put into perspective what choices Wenni did make, while finishing the most of his finished sand-castle his mother calls him but he keeps building, he soon disobeys his mother even more.
His first middle-school party and he leaves while being asked to help with the clean up and starts losing friends. At a party he gets drunk and loses something important, that I can’t remember. Maybe because I was drunk.
He is a very nervous person and not good socially. See in the guy walking his dog and at the interview and the drinking party he stared in. So piecing together all of this we can make a clear picture of who he is.
Wennipeg is named after a Canadian city so he is Canadian most likely, he is socially awkward with friends,on dates and interviews.Lazy at times and very nervous at others. He is a good singer seen in the karaoke choice, is smart but rebellious cliché, addicted to drinking and extremely selfless, thinking no one will like him and not even getting another shopping bag because he might put his “dirty fingers” on it and ruin it for others.
That’s a bit big to handle so let’s just shorten it a little, he is a:
Canadian named Wennipeg who is socially akward, lazy, clumsly, alcohol addicted, poor, smart but rebellious(cliché), extremely selfless in a bad way, prone to being extremely nervous.
Why does this sound like the start of a really common OC story
It’s a bit cliché for me so I’ll give you some examples.
The smart but rebellious cliché, commonly seen character traits cliché, fixing regrets through going to the past cliché, thinking it being to be a dream cliché, good at one thing/ singing and stills f’s it up cliché, having an unusual skill cliché, fixing regrets through a sentient being cliché, addicted to alcohol cliché, failing a job interview isn’t a cliché but a reality, introverted and socially akward cliché, having trouble with a date cliché and has never made a good choice as far as we know cliché.
(5/8 for somehow making these clichés into a story that really just kept my interest and just because this is almost a 5/8 story, just .54 to go.)
on 4/13/2018 8:44:15 PM with a score of 0
Nice job on this, it's much more substantial and all in all a big improvement on the other stories you've posted so far.
There's a spot on the first page where it switches to second person for a moment, and a few other small technical issues, but nothing to detract from the story.
It was nice helping this gross shut-in better himself, although a couple of the scenarios, the job interview in particular seemed a little overly finicky. I never did figure out how to avoid wrecking the car, either.
The only thing that might be missing is a little more explanation of the origin of the voice that caused this whole scenario in the first place. Lacking anything else, I'm going with either God, or an angel in a wizard hat.
on 12/4/2017 6:14:55 PM with a score of 0
A short, creative story, with narration that reminded me of Stanley Parable. Clever premise--one where the character relives his life, though readers are new to the journey. Nice work!
on 2/1/2019 3:00:16 PM with a score of 0
This is actually pretty good. The questions are much more clever than I expected rather than generic life advice, and I somehow managed to make a wrong choice on each and every one on the first try.
on 1/26/2018 9:03:09 PM with a score of 0
I too made all the wrong choices the first time I played it through. It took so trying on replaying to find the correct choices. On reflection, some of them did make sense if you thought of things the way someone like Wennipeg likely would. Some others I still don't quite understand why they were correct. But it was still enjoyable working it out.
I enjoyed the narrative style here very much. Wennipeg truly did come across to me as a loser who wants to improve his life, yet still remain true to himself.
on 12/14/2017 8:16:38 AM with a score of 0
on 12/8/2017 11:37:44 PM with a score of 0
on 12/8/2017 9:27:22 PM with a score of 0
This is actually well-written, and I enjoyed it. Nicely done, and I'll be looking forward to more of your works.
on 12/6/2017 7:13:44 PM with a score of 0
I had a lot of fun, even though I managed to get the worst ending first try. I'll definitely come back and replay once I find the time.
on 12/6/2017 8:27:22 AM with a score of 0