Dish: Skewered Bourbon Pigeon
Condiments: Blackened Bourbon Blood Drizzle, Pureed Spicy Pancreas Drizzle, and Chunky Mustard Kidney Drizzle
Ethel cracks her knuckles as she eyes the other contestants. Those young fuckers wouldn't know good food if it bit them on the nose, of that she is almost certain. Rubbing her wrinkled hands together, she smiles and waits for the signal. Scrambling faster than her age should allow, she rushes to snatch up her ingredients.
Pigeons are such nasty beings. All they do is cluster outside and leave their droppings everywhere. Cutting one up will be an absolute pleasure, she's sure of that. She already knows exactly what to do with the wretched creatures. Skewering them will be perfect and bourbon is such an excellent ingredient in and of itself. Whoever fails this round deserves a truly gruesome death! That will be fun to watch.
Ethel returns to her cart with a wheelbarrow of pigeon corpses, bourbon bottles, purple potatoes, and other items she has deemed necessary. Her first order of business is to chop up the many pigeons. Her cleaver beats against the cutting board with ferocity as she realizes just how much fun she used to have doing this. Of course, the bodies back then were much larger, but fun is fun after all. Saving the blood is also an important task so she collects it and sets it to the side for later.
Tossing all of the pieces back into the wheelbarrow she proceeds to dump the bourbon on top for a marinade along with generous amounts of black pepper, black sea salt, brown sugar, Worcestershire sauce, squid ink, and dijon mustard. The ink mixes into the marinade to give it a gorgeous black color. How perfect!
Leaving the meat to soak in the bourbon mixture, she addresses the matter of the vegetables. Dark purple potatoes with purple flesh, none of those basic white potatoes will do for the judges of this competition. She left all of those for the basic bitches she's up against. Throwing some black peppercorns and more black sea salt into a pestle she grinds them up with the mortar before rubbing them into the potato parts.
Next, she takes the leftover pigeon blood and mixes it with squid ink, turning it a perfect black tone. A dash of bourbon in the mixture adds complimenting flavors along with some black sea salt and black pepper. She whisks the mixture over low heat until it thickens just so and sets it to the side. For her other condiment options, she takes the pancreases and proceeds to smash them barehanded before pureeing them with olive oil, salt, pepper, chili flakes, and a dash of liquid smoke. For the final condiment, she coarsely smashes and chops the kidneys and tosses them in mustard, before adding an egg yolk to give it a wonderful color and that perfect drizzly consistency.
Satisfied with the length of time her meat has marinaded, she begins the process of skewering them. A leg with the bone on the bottom, the heart, piece of purple potato, a liver, half of the breast with more bones, potato, bone-in wing, potato and finally the whole head still attached to the neck. The brain is still intact inside the skull and the eyes are still there; the skewer exits the mouth in a most glorious fashion as well. The final touch is to wrap the intestines around the entire skewer, using toothpicks to hold it all together until it can cook.
Firing up her grill, Ethel smiles as she turns the flame up to a glorious heat. Holding the first skewer over the flame she watches as the outside of the meat blackens perfectly, leaving the interior meat rare. The organs crisp up quite nicely and the potatoes turn an even darker purple in the heat, their skin turning black with a crisp char. Even the intestines do exactly as she wanted, cooking into place just so. The end result is blackened, somewhat charred exterior meat with a rare interior. Crispy charred organs and soft dark purple potatoes. Carefully she plucks out all of the toothpicks, feeling such glee when the intestines stay perfectly in place.
Repeating the process many times, Ethel creates her skewers of the butchered pigeons. The skewers are rather large, but not ungainly. Pigeons aren't very big after all. Each skewer is a perfectly sized meal of its own and she feels quite confident as she finishes the last one and prepares to present to the judges. Ethel cackles a bit to herself. She has enough skewers for everyone present plus three for each judge! Now they can try each drizzle option, or put their favorite drizzle on all three of their servings!
Even better, she can submit it for the glory of the bonus points!
-No Green or Leafy Vegetables
-Contains only Dark Vegetables
-Contains Organ Meat
-Contains Reprodutive Material
-Contains Digestive Organs
-Contains Very Rare Meat
-Contains Significant Amount of Blood Byproduct
-Spice Mix with Mortar and Pestle
-Cooked over Open Flame
-Entire Dish is Scorched/Blackened