Homework Girl

Overall: It’s not terrible. Definitely not the worst I’ve seen, and I’ll give you props for the hand drawn images. However, with a little more time and effort, this could be a LOT better.

Characters: there’s not a lot of individual characterization, just a lotta names.
1/8

SPAG: A few small mistakes, nothing too major
5/8

Branching: There is branching. It exists. However, the story is small no matter what. Also not a fan of the fact that I can’t tell my mom I didn’t do my homework.
3/8

Plot: There is a plot. It exists.
It’s not terribly boring, but I feel as though it could have been much, much better.
4/8

Bonuses: Drawnings! They were cute. I liked them.
+.4

Total: 3/8

**specifics… not too much to spoil**
Gotta say, I’m not a fan of the first page. It’s just information with literally no description. Three brief sentences that are completely functional and entirely uninteresting.

>Homework can wait till later.
This sentence rubs me wrong, but my main problem is “till”. “Until” is the full word, the shortening is technically “‘til”. Yes I’m pedantic

>You meet up with your friends, rocking back and forth on the swings under the midday sun. You take a seat in the mulch beside them; it stabs into your thighs, giving you splinters.
The way this is worded makes it sound (to me) as though you’re on the swings and then suddenly you’re sitting in mulch. Stabby mulch.

Is my name… Homework Girl? Gee.

Some of the dialogue is really annoying. Does Katie need THAT many “e”s?

>You enter your house. Your mom is finally home.
She asks if you've done your homework yet.
Bruh. Ma dude. A little effort goes a long way.

I could’ve handled a couple of math problems. I do not want to solve a trillion of them- some of which I can’t just plug into a calculator. No.

“Nonetheless” is one word

>Her favorite actress is a young girl she plays in Stranger Things.
It’s asking where the comma goes; the answer is nowhere. That sentence needs a semicolon or a rewrite.

On the “Nighttime” page- “anyways” isn’t a word. “Anyway” is.

I AM NOT DOING MORE MATH.

>American history has always come easy to you.
“American history always came easily to you” is better, though maybe not perfect. I’m not an expert; I just know you’re wrong :)

>Which empire was the biggest at its height?
Perhaps try “Which empire was the largest in its prime?”
Though I think this question should be scrapped in general.

What happened to my “friends”?

I’m not a fan of the word “bigger”. There are so many better, more descriptive words out there.

Can I ask my mom why she’s crying? Also, that picture gave me a startle. The all black silhouette makes me think she’s some kinda ghost or demon. Gave me the creeps. It’s well-done, just creepy.

Why didn’t I go to school
Friday??? Or ever again? Why?

This story felt so real to me. I'm in high school now, I took both the path of doing homework first and missing out on time with friends and also doing homework. The endings were fairly congruent with real life(At least for me) and this story was very personal for me. I enjoyed it very much, thank you.

There was a clear amount of effort put in this one over and above the rest of the batch of class project games it arrived with, the author even made use of variables and on page scripting. I hope they'll stick around and continue to write. (Which is the polar opposite of my usual feelings about class project games.)