Player Comments on Daisy's Adventure... And Beyond!

I always try to be reasonable when I give reviews and not just be overtly harsh, but I genuinely don't know what to say about this.
I mean the writing was fine. Not really any grammar or spelling errors as far as I could tell.
But there was no real story here. The story is just a basic telling of a girl with a good life going through the motions of getting what she wants. If the story isn't interesting, then I'd expect it to play out more like an actual game. In this case, that didn't play out either. There wasn't really a 'choice' in each of these. Every single 'choice' was really just 'end the game' or 'keep going down this path.'

There is only one real path you can take and the rest is just an 'end game' button essentially. So it wasn't really a game, didn't really have a special or unique story, there really isn't much more to it.

But on the positive side, your writing itself was good. I imagine you could come up with an actual story with actual choices if you put more effort into it.

Amazing. Please make a sequel and change nothing. I want more from this author

8/8

Okay, I don't want to just slam the story and leave it at that since this is a newbie, and with the photos and stuff I'm assuming this is a personal self-insert thing for the author.

If you wrote this for someone specific, I'd HIGHLY recommend just unpublishing it, you can put it in Sneak Peek and share the URL with whoever without it being public on the site. (It should've been in Sneak Peek by default when created, but you can find the setting in Storygame Properties.)

It's just that this really isn't a branching story at all and it's not going to meet minimum standards for ratings. Especially with the forced looping and being chided by the author every time you don't pick the 'correct' choice. Most people here hate that.

Since the author seems to be a college educated adult woman however I don't think anyone is going to see the need for hand-holding in explaining this stuff like we might with the typical noob kid. Basically if you had just read some of the other stories and comments on the site you'd have seen this wasn't a very good fit.

What a fascinating story. I think the part I liked the best was how I would select a choice the author offered, then be immediately chastised for it and made to go back and pick something else. The narrator's dedication to being shrill and inflexible was a lovely contrast to the dull non-plot about choosing from a list of dancing degrees whatever. Then I randomly became an animal rights lawyer.

The boy I had a crush on right out of high school and followed to another state wasn't important enough to ever be mentioned again, and yet the story is quick to assure me my life is dull, joyless, and unfulfilled without him.

Daisy: hot or not?

A one doesn't even express how pure garbage you have written. First, all your choices are fake. Try again is not a VALID BRANCH. then your plot is stupid, and it has the fun of seeing paint dry. Then Adding photos that don't add any to the boring-ass text. Just unpublished it.